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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165904">SOS</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/djmarinizela/pseuds/djmarinizela'>djmarinizela</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies), 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, College, College!AU, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Roommates, Scientist Hange Zoë, Sitcom, Slow Burn, Students, romcom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:14:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/djmarinizela/pseuds/djmarinizela</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is a reclusive senior student who shares an apartment with Mike, Nanaba, and his best friend, Hange, who he's secretly in love with. Oddly enough, they also belong to the same secret club with a special operations squad. The 104th cohort is a bunch of freshmen misfits they've taken under their wing, Moblit is Hange's lab partner also vying for her affections, while Erwin’s the newest instructor who doesn’t know how to teach. And they say school is fun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Hange Zoë, Levi/Hange Zoë</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Like to Move It, Move It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Cross-posted from FF.net</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's moving in day and there's a welcoming party for the seniors. Levi is wondering if he should attend, even without his best friend around.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Levi is more than thankful to be out of his shitty gangster uncle’s shitty truck. It’s not even a truck in his eyes; a dump of coiled metals would be the more appropriate term for it. There’s a bunch of trash under the seats like peanut shells and gas receipts, and dirt has been settling on the carpet for who knows how long. The inside just reeks of alcohol and cigarettes, enough for Levi to gag for the entire journey. And when Kenny’s not drinking, he smokes nonstop like a chimney. He might as well incinerate himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the pickup creaked the moment it pulled over the curb in front of his would-be apartment, the poor vehicle was ready to drop dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Levi’s last year in college, and he’s glad he’s soon to bolt out of the campus gates with an Engineering diploma in hand (</span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> he graduates). Thank god for his scholarship and the financial aid. Those were the only things keeping him afloat in college, in addition to some money he earned from his summer job working at a café near his hometown. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, brat, your stuff’s not gonna haul itself out,” Kenny points out to Levi’s luggage at the back of his truck. There’s also a folding table and chair for his study desk, a small bookshelf, a mini-dresser, and a backpack that contains his laptop. “Are you waiting for Christmas?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could use some help, you know,” Levi mutters as he drags all his belongings to the curb one at a time like a mule.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a lot of kids passing by, also heaving out their junk from their cars, vans, trucks along the streets. The entire area is full of students; it’s a college town, after all. But how many trucks does it take to haul in some goddamn school stuff?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kenny cranes his neck to the side, eyeing his nephew. He then shakes his head and puts his hands on his hips, arms akimbo. “Nah, you’ll be good on your own. Should help you stretch for the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi blows a strand of hair away from his face. “Gee, thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Best uncle, ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older man tips his hat—“Anytime.” He gets inside then starts the engine of his metal dump. He’s still watching his nephew grunt as he lifts the stuff up the stairs to the porch, when he rolls down the window and leans out. “Yo, Levi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haaa?” He cranes his neck to see Kenny holding out his phone. It must have slipped off of his pocket while inside the truck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s midway through the steps—backpack behind him, a luggage in hand, the folded chair tucked underneath his arm, and the mini-dresser on his other grip. A gust of wind would tip him over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get taller,” Kenny calls out, snickering loudly. “And snag a girl while you’re at it!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he tosses the phone over to his nephew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck—?” Levi drops everything in hand to catch it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All his belongings start crashing down the stairs. Satisfied, Kenny zooms off.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a lot of cool things about being a college senior. For one, nobody’s going to order them around, which means it’s their turn to boss the younger ones. And that’s the good thing about being away from his family, Levi thinks—his gangster uncle wouldn’t be there to tell him what to do or what not to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if ever you spend the night in a cell, don’t even bother calling me,” Kenny reproached him, as if already expecting his own nephew to be in deep shit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t, because you probably might be in jail by then,” Levi huffed. He wasn’t even going to start enumerating his uncle’s crimes: stealing tools from the neighbor, siphoning gasoline from someone’s truck, mugging a homeless dog, cashing a stolen check ("It was one time, goddammit!"), possessing a crack pipe, and jaywalking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kenny scoffed. “You better use your head, shorty.” He rubbed the stubble underneath his chin. “Maybe I’ll come visit you and introduce myself to your friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely fucking not.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell them I’m a gangster and watch them shit their pants—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll make you shit your pants, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A smug smile formed on Kenny's face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi got his dark humor from him. There’s always a lot of banter going in between them to the point that it’s already normal when they threaten each other. He misses his two childhood friends from their neighborhood, though. Farlan and Isabel practically grew up together with him, but they’ve also gone to schools outside their town. But that doesn’t mean Levi no longer remembers the good times, which includes smashing mailboxes, lighting up dumpster bins, and even stealing a backhoe when the operator wasn’t looking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Say, Levi,” Farlan sat beside him as they watched the backhoe run down the hill and straight into a pond. The stereo inside was playing </span>
  <em>
    <span>I Love Rock n’ Roll</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “You’ll be good on your own, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m done doing pranks.” A while ago, Levi had just driven the backhoe and climbed out while it was moving as he dropped and rolled down the ground, the bass line humming into the first verse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s no fun,” Isabel punched his arm, but he merely tousled her hair in return. “It defeats the purpose of going to college!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who says I’m not going to have fun?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The song got to the chorus, the title repeating over and over in a line. He picked up a rock and hurled it against the sinking backhoe’s window. It smashed the entire pane, and Isabel cheered like there’s no tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thing about friendship is you never know when it starts. That’s precisely what he felt when he firs</span>
  <span>t met his group of friends. His only group of friends. He bumped into Hange first in their freshmen year after calling her a weirdo, and somehow got dragged into their circle by Nanaba and Mike. They came to him, and since then, he never let go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you picking those up or not?” A voice calls out from above. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks up and sees Mike by the window on the second floor. The guy with the mustache is pointing his mouth towards all of his friend’s belongings splayed out on their porch for everyone to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi greets him with his middle finger. It’s a sign of their friendship.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The front door finally opens. “Levi!” Nanaba comes running out of the apartment to help him. “I heard some commotion outside, but I couldn’t see anyone, so I knew it had to be you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, smart thinking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>People call Nanaba a blonde version of him (actually, "tall, blonde, and gorgeous!" is what they say), but Levi still thinks her hair looks more like a peeled banana.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike, Nanaba’s 6-foot-5-tall boyfriend with a sharp sense of smell, appears right behind her. “What’s up, man? Still short as fuck?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gives Levi a fistbump after bending his knees to highlight the drastic difference in height. Mike’s one of the people Levi can tolerate when it comes to commenting on his stature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing new. And you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Same old, same old.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They carry his stuff inside. The bungalow-style apartment is pristine and immaculate, small but comfy. Rent did not come cheap, but Levi’s glad he’s sharing the entire place with three other people. There’s a common room with the kitchen and the bathroom adjacent to each other. Mike and Nanaba are taking the largest room upstairs, and Levi himself has been comfortable taking the smallest one; he doesn’t need a lot of space, anyway. But their other roommate, well, that’s another story.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take it Hange’s not yet here?” Levi puts down his luggage for a moment before picking it up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike asks him a rhetorical question, “Does it look like she’s already been?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s no sign of any presence of their resident mad scientist and friend. It’s too silent, and not as messy as it would be if their friend were already there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hange might arrive later, but we’ll be at Nifa’s welcoming party by then,” Nanaba explains. “You’re coming, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He drops his suitcase. "You gotta be shitting me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nifa’s a junior who’s dating a senior named Keiji, and for some reason, Levi has managed to get to know them (by accident, when Hange spilled her drink on Nifa, and he had to apologize on behalf of her). Apart from being filthy rich, Nifa is lively and has the best fashion sense on campus. Plus, her short hair is dyed like a forest pixie’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Levi,” Nanaba pouts, swaying herself like a kid. “There’s gonna be great food and overflowing drinks and lots of dancing an</span>
  <span>d nonstop music—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly why I’m not going—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tugs his sleeve, her eyes bright and glowing. “It’s our last year. It will be fun! Also, it’s your chance to get laid!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi shoots her a disapproving look. “Who says I want to get laid?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your uncle, just a while ago? He’d be proud!” Apparently, she had been listening to Levi and Kenny’s conversation the entire time. Too bad she has no idea what kind of person his uncle is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Levi has no intention of letting them know. “Nanaba, the last thing I want to do is make my gangster uncle proud.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike joins her in convincing him. “What do we have to do for you to attend?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know?” He seriously does not want to find out. “Beg and grovel for it? Walk on fire? Cry me a river?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gain a few more inches then maybe we’ll think about it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde girl laughs, grabbing hold of Levi’s hands. “Okay, okay, but still, please join us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now he’s stuck. There’s no backing out whenever Nanaba persuades him to go. Mike would beat him to a pulp. After ten seconds, he finally gives in. “Fine, I’ll be there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Nanaba slaps him on the back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But,” he raises a hand, “You have to help me clean right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can get behind that.” Mike nods approvingly. Clean hard, party harder, that’s the spirit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi shrugs his shoulders. “Alright. So, who else is coming?”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wishes he never asked. Nifa just invited the entire neighborhood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment he finished unpacking and figuring out the proper placement of items inside his room, Nanaba came barging in only to drag him out. They had already swept and wiped every inch of their apartment. It was already 9 pm by then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some people would say the night is young, but Levi is more than ever willing to get to bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The house is not so hard to find. There is loud blaring music and flashing strobe lights that they can see from a distance. “Yup, that’s Nifa’s,” Nanaba muses as they walk towards the impending disaster. A bunch of kids on a convertible are whooping as they park by the street right across the place. Maybe they’ll tell them that it’s a resident-only spot after the car gets towed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can sniff all the alcohol from here,” Mike tells them, inhaling the air and making a sour face. College kids definitely have no restraint when it comes to drinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can’t help but ask, “Does it also smell of vomit?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They're already expecting the worst. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they get to the porch, Keiji opens the door and welcomes them, “Glad you guys could come!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They step in, and see that the house is already packed. From the corner of the room, some kids are playing beer pong, while others are trying to do a drunken headstand. There’s loud chatter from every side of the house, making the air suffocating. They scooch over to the kitchen where there’s a bowl of rum punch waiting for them and they help themselves to a cup each, in addition to a jar of cheese curls and some bags of popcorn and potato chips, which Levi believes is the most disgusting snack of college students. Those don’t even count as food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to see Nifa,” Nanaba, being a social butterfly, yells at the boys before she disappears into the crowd. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike and Levi step out onto the lawn and see more people dancing and singing in high spirits to the booming stereo. Awkward and sticking out like a sore thumb, they feel like wallflowers already wilting at this point—Levi particularly. He’s one to stay on the sidelines for the most part. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two are looking for a spot to sit in when somebody bumps into Levi and spills his drink into his shirt. Levi spats, “The fuck, man?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The stranger in question is much, much taller and has the audacity to glare back at the midget.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two things: first, Levi is a notorious clean freak, so spilling anything on him is a mortal sin. Second, looking down on Levi is a bad, bad mistake. The stranger manages to do all and piss him off just by asking, “What are you, a freshman?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi gives him his famous scowl. “Fuck, no. I’m a senior.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry,” the boy snorts, “Maybe you could buy some height from the store.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Maybe you should buy a brain for yourself,’ Levi thinks. The tall guy doesn’t see the fist already curling on Levi’s side. Hell is about to break loose, until— </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gelgar, there you are!” A voice interjects from the crowd. “I see you drowning your sorrows in alcohol once again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike and Levi look over and see Erwin, another good friend of theirs. He looks crisp and fresh in his buttoned-up shirt, like he has all his shit together. Erwin is usually a wallflower like them, but tonight, he’s a blessing in disguise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the guy named Gelgar looks at him, Erwin continues, “Aren’t you supposed to be at Alcoholics Anonymous?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll sign you up,” Mike offers under his breath. The asshole could definitely use some help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gelgar is now morose, but also cowering over the also tall, but blond, and gorgeous man. Erwin’s presence always intimidates people. The alcoholic starts making excuses: “Well, my friend was invited, and I’m the plus one…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So go bug your friend and be useful to humanity, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hesitantly, Gelgar disappears after giving them a dirty look, and Erwin steps into the space where he was a while ago. “Having fun, you guys?” He claps his hands on both of their shoulders, a smile forming on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fun? I feel old. I can feel my joints hurting just by watching these people party,” Mike laughs. “It’s great to see you, man.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi shrugs Erwin’s hand away, not wanting to be touched. “And why are you here, Eyebrows? Aren’t you supposed to be making your lesson plan?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, school hasn’t officially started yet, so I’m technically one of the kids still.” Erwin graduated with his Education degree just about four months ago, and the university has offered him a job as an instructor right out of college since he’s also working on his Master’s degree. He was, of course, elated. It’s everything his father would have wanted for him, he being a principal in the past. Erwin just hopes he can teach the idiots a thing or two. "Where's Hange?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Who knows? And why are you asking me?" Levi asks, wondering if Erwin sees him and Hange as a package deal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin does a half-shrug. "You two are joined at the hip more often than not."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That would be my worst nightmare."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re all leaning against the wall, judging each and every one in the crowd, when Nifa and Nanaba find them, already sweaty from all the dancing. “Are you ready to sell your soul?” which, unfortunately, also translates to “Dance with us!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they’re doing it,” Erwin chuckles, as he downs his drink. Mike is about to ask what ‘it’ was when they see the entire crowd coming towards them, all lined up, their hands on the waist of the person in front of them. They’re un-rhythmically pushing their hips forward then back, making them look like a giant constipated worm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ready for the conga?” Nifa wiggles her eyebrows as Nanaba pulls Mike behind her, while Erwin tugs Levi for the line dance. The crowd is ready to swallow them whole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hell no.” Levi bats Erwin’s hand away, which is one of the many mistakes he’s done for tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hell yes.” Erwin then kicks him into the waiting crowd and follows along. More hands pull them in, voices cheering and chanting the novelty song, and finally, Levi gives in once more. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reason he's sharing an apartment with three other seniors (miraculously they agreed, reclusive and temperamental as Levi usually is) instead of staying at the university dormitory was not really much of a secret. But it was a secret other people would rather bury, out of fear of Levi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was in junior year when it happened. Sitting by the recreation area, he was trying to reach Kenny by phone when a group of lousy college boys whistled in unison by the window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, check that out," one of the students pointed his lips towards the person who was passing them by. "A wild one got loose."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The person was dressed up in a maroon tracksuit, a speck of grime on her lab coat, and her ponytail tied up in a mess. With a pile of textbooks and notebooks stacked up in her arms, nobody could see where she was heading to, and neither could she. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no need for Levi to get a look at her face. He instantly knew it was Hange. As to what her business was in the boys' dormitory, he had no idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was absentmindedly humming a song to herself, until she bumped into a pillar, all her belongings falling to the ground with consecutive thuds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That a 'he' or 'she'?" Another of the male dormers snickered as they watched Hange bend down to pick up her stuff. "Looks like that ass could use a tap."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi's fingers curled around his phone even tighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wouldn't say no to that," a third one replied. "She's mostly flat, but I would definitely smash."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was the final straw. In five or six steps, Levi grabbed the nearest guy by the collar and punched him right on the face. Hissing, he felt his knuckles split open. He felt someone strike him in retaliation so he turned to the two others and lashed out on them. But Levi's rage had already flown out of the window. They were brawling like madmen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they held him back, the resident manager appeared and said, "Hold the fuck up." The old man had his hands warding them to keep their distance from each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The next time I hear that shitty mouth of yours with your shitty comments on people, I'll make sure you shit right out of your mouth," Levi snarled. He was about to free himself and deal another blow when—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Levi, I was looking for you," Hange called after him, not realizing the commotion. "Wanted to return the books that you nicked from the lib."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, the resident manager banned Levi from staying at the dormitory in his final year.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike, who gave him some ice chips to nurse his bleeding lip, was highly impressed. "So I bet you'll be taking care of Hange from now on?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'll try," he said.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>He escapes after an hour of dancing in a fucking conga circle with random people. Dancing is not even the right way to put it; Levi cannot dance to save his life. What he did was more of an awkward swaying here and there, as much as his stiff body could move. He finally thinks he’s had enough after a drinking game that got him taking several shots in. Nanaba and Mike urge him to stay, and Erwin still thinks the night is young (at midnight), but Levi is pretty much an old man inside a college kid’s body so they eventually let him go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he gets back to their apartment, he spots a familiar car parked in the driveway. It’s a sign that Hange has arrived. There’s the sound of a suitcase being dragged on the other side </span>
  <span>so he comes around the car and gets tackled by a death hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Levi! Oh, it’s so great to see you!" Hange exclaims before adding, "You haven’t changed one bit!” The mad scientist keeps on giving comments about his height and he always lashes out on that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, he decides not to pursue that route tonight. He would have been fine with the death hug, had it not been for the huge glass jars in between them. “Hange—fuck—get off me—!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lets go and clings to her belongings sheepishly, pushing her glasses up. "Are you excited for this year? We finally get to share an apartment together!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi dusts off his already dirty shirt and sees Hange’s in her maroon tracksuit, her hair sticking out of her ponytail. He looks down in her arms and grimaces. She’s holding a tray and there’s a bunch of critters bottled up in jars. Millipedes, centipedes, bugs and beetles—almost all kinds of insects, you name it. This goes without saying that Hange is a passionate Biology major who’s interested in entomology. Levi thinks it’s the most useless field to specialize in, but of course he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes travel over to the jars. “Jeez, did you just dig an entire hole on the ground?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, these took months to collect!” Hange frowns. “By the way, I could use some help here—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No." His back is already turned towards her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please?” Hange whines, her hands clasped together, pleading. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Four-Eyes, I’ve hauled all my stuff this afternoon and have had eight drinks in. Not to mention that someone spilled his drink on my shirt and I’ve been asked to join the conga.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s college for you, in case you still don’t know,” Hange comments. And then grinning, she adds, “I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow if you help.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think you can bribe me just like that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. That, or I can always lure you in with a broom. So what’s your decision?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can tell she’s not budging until he relents to her request. Holding his palms up, he sighs, “Fine, I’ll do it.” Levi gives in for a third time tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without warning, Hange hands him the tray with her critter friends in their jars—“Careful with that!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shifts his weight from holding all the nasty specimens. “I hope you don’t have a tarantula in here,” he frowns.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I do,” she’s apologetic when Levi shoots her with dagger eyes. Hange continues, “But it’s been dead for awhile. I’ve been studying its exoskeleton. It’s in my suitcase. You wanna see it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They enter the house from the garage and head for the stairs where the bedrooms are. Levi is already on the top of the stairway when he looks down and sees her struggling to pull up her luggage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stupid—thing—ugh!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of plastic hitting the wood repeatedly is annoying. In addition to that, he had just immaculately mopped the steps before coming over to the party. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me help.” He puts down the tray on the second floor landing and comes to her aid. He can see that the wheels got caught under one of the steps. “Oi, Four-Eyes, use your brain—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you stuck—” Hange pulls once more with all her strength and stumbles. And then she shrieks as her suitcase flies open, spilling all her clothes out, along with her jar of spider skeleton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hange!” His first instinct is to protect her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if in slow motion, Hange scoops her jar of dead tarantula just in time as Levi catches her by the waist. However, he also loses his footing and eventually slips from the recently-polished flooring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They tumble down together, landing on a step of the stair with a thud. "Ow!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And another. "Ow!"  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And another. "Oof!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they reach the bottom rolling, Levi groans in pain, “Fuck, my knee,” while Hange cries out simultaneously, “Fuck, my spider.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The glass jar is miraculously intact, but the exoskeleton inside has broken into several pieces, the head lolling out from the impact of being rolled down the stairs together with its owner. “I’ll put you back together, don’t worry, my Tara,” Hange rubs the jar and plants a kiss on the surface. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another groan escapes Levi. “Are you ever getting up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange’s weight is still pinning him down to the floor, her elbow digging into his chest, his arms still wrapped around her. “Oh, right, I forgot.” She stands up and offers her hand to him. “Are you okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi stays on the floor for another minute, still trying to catch his breath. The pain on his knee is throbbing the more he puts pressure on it. “I think I’m going to blame that on the alcohol.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, maybe you should.” Hange nods, jar cradled in her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels like he just shortened his lifespan by half. And all for a goddamn spider. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Next time you ask me to help, just give me the damn suitcase.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Send Help, Freshmen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>First day of classes, which also means club recruitment, and meeting a bunch of freshmen ready to cause havoc.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first thing people ask Levi when they see him the next day is, “Why are you limping?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He merely rolls his eyes and tries to avoid the question, but when they pressure him more out of concern, he tells them he slipped off the stairs after mopping it. But nobody’s really buying it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, you fell because of your cleaning habits?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, like a fucking idiot, Mike,” he sips his breakfast tea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tubthumping </span>
  </em>
  <span>is playing loudly inside the master’s bedroom while Nanaba is doing her morning yoga. Chumbawamba is a religion on its own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s blond friend chuckles, “Ironic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s the version if Hange’s not there. The story all changes when she’s around. Beaming, she would flail with her hands and say, “That’s not true, Levi saved me and my dead tarantula!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell would Mr. Clean Freak save a dead tarantula? He'd rather bury it in the garden.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She then tells the full story with her theatrical gestures of the two of them falling down the stairs and they all burst out laughing (“Levi and I went </span>
  <em>
    <span>blahgag, blahgag, blahgag!”)</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Hange’s one of those people who cannot lie, and the more the truth gets out, the more he feels stupid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should have never helped her in the first place,” he grumbles, staggering away. Or, he should have just let her fall</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>clothes, luggage, dead spider, and all.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The start of a new school year is always interesting. It’s the first day of classes, filled with pesky freshmen bumbling along the corridors, lost and too full of energy. They walk around like herds of cattle and block the paths of the upperclassmen who are running late. Then they hog all the cafeteria tables with their oversized bags and start simping for the good-looking students on campus. That’s exactly the reason why Levi wants to skip it. But it’s also the day when clubs start recruiting members for the school year, and that’s what drives him to actually show up. There are posters everywhere of the different clubs and the perks of joining them. Even Darius Zackley, the principal of their university, is motivating them to at least participate in one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s part of college life,” he announces through their public address system. “I assure you, you won’t regret it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Four years in, and I’m starting to regret being in a club,” Levi mutters as he walks to the room of his last ever first class as a senior. Imagine not being paid for all the work that he’s done. Not to mention the countless times he has to pay for stuff months in advance before being reimbursed. Clubs are just a way of exploiting free labor from students. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zackley then gives a long speech about his days as an undergraduate ("Back in my time…" is their cue) and then everyone starts dozing off. It’s worse than him speaking about the three female founders and the school’s mission-vision.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The freshmen are exhilarated, though. They’re fresh out of their naivete, or from whatever high school they came from. The moment they see a group of upperclassmen distributing posters for their club recruitment, dancing like crazy as part of their promotion, they end up flocking together to sign up. While he’s walking along the corridors, Levi even overhears them joining five clubs at the same time. “Tch, pathetic,” he tells himself. No stupid person would participate in no more than two clubs. It’s a death sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, one thing Levi really, really doesn’t understand is why people keep on putting on a fashion statement on the first day. Expensive sneakers and labeled polos? Imported leather bags and fancy shades? Fur coats and high heels? What is this, a runway? He almost wants to hit someone in the head when he sees a student wearing a pair of pajamas</span>
  <span>—Versace brand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Levi! Fancying that sleepwear?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops and turns his head around to see a girl walking towards him. “Ah, it’s just you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Petra Rall is a junior, also from the Engineering department like him. There are three others in her year, namely Oluo (who imitates him for reasons unknown), Eld (who acts as his secretary), and Gunther (who’s efficient with everything as always, including cleanup time)</span>
  <span>—varsity players for their university sports team and hence, elites</span>
  <span>. After Levi created an automatic floor sweeper for his class project last year, they started looking up to him like he’s a saint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you joining a new club this year?” Petra asks with a smile. She’s wearing her cheerleading outfit, having hyped up the entire student body with an introductory cheer rally for the school year just a while ago. There's a rumor that her laughter can brighten up anyone's day but Levi has already debunked that for them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re kidding, right?” He snorts. “I’m already neck-deep in work for our club. I don’t even know how we’re recruiting this time around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Getting new members to join is always the toughest part. Both he and Petra know that. The last time they did recruit, they had Mike show up in a Casper costume, handing out leaflets about their club to people walking around the campus. The Friendly Ghost did not like it when he could smell himself inside his sweaty attire all day. Mike had to shower the moment he got back to his apartment because everyone wanted to hug and take photos with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should try handing out freebies or something. That’s how other clubs attract members," Petra suggests with a hopeful look on her face. Perhaps they could partner up with stores and establishments for privilege discounts and all. That could work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Freebies?" He hisses. "We don’t even have funds for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Petra is determined. “We’ll have projects.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which we can't also start on, because we do not have new members yet.” A knot forms on his forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then, what do you suppose</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm, excuse me,” someone taps Levi’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” he spats. He checks if he’s blocking the corridor, but there’s enough space for five people to pass through at the same time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which means that somebody has the nerve to talk to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A boy with bright green eyes is staring at them. A freshman, based on the color of his ID. There’s a group of wide-eyed students right behind him, too. He then continues, “I can’t help but overhear, but which club are you guys from?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None of your business,” Levi starts to turn away, but Petra stops him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re from a special club called the Survey Scouts,” she explains and the freshmen’s eyes widen all the more in surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Survey Scouts, what’s that?” The boy scratches his head. “Is that a frat or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, frats are cults with booze and money, stupid,” says the short guy who has neither booze and money, but has a mean temper of a boiling teapot. Their university doesn’t allow fraternities and sororities, anyway. Levi crosses his arms and puts on his bored face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as she wants to laugh, Petra shoots him another disapproving look. “We’re a member-funded club that tries to explore supernatural myths and urban legends around the school.” It’s the description that she had written for their promotional pamphlet last year.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, like Ghostbusters? I’ve watched the movies!” A freshman with blond hair and blue eyes catches interest. Levi isn’t sure if it's boy or a girl, and frankly, he doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>There’s a girl behind them who butts in. “Or you mean… like a third eye?” Aside from the odd fashion statement of a red scarf around her neck, she has a deadpan face and has the demeanor of an assassin. Levi immediately recognizes her as Mikasa, his third cousin once or twice removed from his mother’s side. They’ve never really spoken to each other before, and frankly, he hopes they never have to. Mikasa continues, “Are you guys paranormal or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something like that. We’re giving out iced coffees if you attend our first meeting,” Petra winks at the freshmen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Iced coffees? The fuck?' Levi mouths an inaudible whisper to her as she nudges him on the chest with her elbow. He is going to throw a fit if his club plunges into deep debt during the first month of the school year. But he doesn’t notice that the freshmen's eyes are already beaming in anticipation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oooh, free coffee? We'd love to go!" They all seem eager, giddy, excited at the prospect of the freebie. Anything for free is a good sign. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi attempts to say something, but Petra grips his arm and gives him one final look with a smug smile, mouthing the words ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you so</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ He finally shuts the hell up.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You promised me lunch, Four-Eyes.” He plants his hands firmly on the cafeteria table and looks at Hange with disdain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t have enough money right now,” she pulls a face at him. It's only the first day and Hange is already buried deep in textbooks and lab reports. She’s smart when she wants to be, but often laziness gets in her way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tch. It figures." He rolls his eyes. It's a good thing he bought some fruit this morning on his way to school. “You still owe me one, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks up and drops her pen. Her handwriting is a disaster. “Look, I’m thankful you saved me and Tara</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who the fuck’s Tara?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dead tarantula.” Hange gives him an estranged look. “However, the economy is going down the drain, and destitution is almost like a crime in these trying times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nice of you to care for the current state of our nation." He rubs his temples. Mike and Nanaba have classes right now so he's stuck with Hange and her ramblings for their hour-long break.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t do politics. It's the epitome of evil. Also, I do not have enough brain cells for that,” Hange tells him. “But speaking of which, they say there’s an interesting bunch of students running for the student council this year. We'd better go watch." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am not hearing another spur of lies, Hange." Which is pretty much all he's ever heard from the student council nominees.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cracks open a textbook and starts working on her lab report. "Suit yourself, Levi."</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The student council is pretty much a bunch of self-serving assholes who try to establish their power and influence over the student community. At least, that's what it seems to Levi. He tries to stand on tiptoes but there isn't much he can do with his 5'2" stature. It's a hopeless case craning his neck from the back just to see the stage. Hange is doing a better job with her height, but the last thing he would want is to have her hoist him up like a lion cub into the crowd.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You might wanna hold on to this." Petra appears out of nowhere, and hands Levi a thick roll of cartolina. "It's for our meeting agenda with the new members,” she explains to his questioning look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sweet, we’re wasting paper.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words are drowned by applause from the students and Rico Brzenska from the Community Clean-up Crew comes up to the podium to give out her short speech. Her words are straightforward and honest, even a little bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> honest when she claims that she’ll have everyone sweep the entire school building if she wins. Levi might end up voting for her because he's also a member of her club. Clean-freaks will surely rule the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she’s done, a girl named Historia Reiss makes a passionate speech about community-building and perseverance, and after her comes another guy called Jean Kirchstein who tries to win people over through his leadership credentials. They're not that bad this year, Levi thinks. They just don't have that ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>oomph’</span>
  </em>
  <span> he's been looking for.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spoke too late when a familiar face climbed up on the podium. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy who tapped his shoulder awhile ago happens to be Eren Yeager, also running for the student council. Eren looks at the crowd, and in one swift motion, jumps off the stage in the most dramatic manner. He lands on his feet and combs his hair with one hand in a sweeping motion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fuck is he doing?” Levi asks the two girls beside him who are currently in awe. “This isn’t theater.” He watches as Eren remains standing in front of the whole student community in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you know about making a statement?” Hange challenges him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can only grit his teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>oohs’</span>
  </em>
  <span> and ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>aahs’</span>
  </em>
  <span> when Eren bravely makes his way to the middle. There’s also some booing and jeering from some students. The other candidate named Jean is shouting something along the lines of ‘suicidal maniac.’ The boy then takes a deep breath, and yells from the top of his lungs: "Everyone, just shut up and vote for me!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Principal Zackley, as well as the other professors, Erwin, Pixis, and Nile included, are in shock. One of them mutters, "Oh no, he didn’t…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a flash, Levi quickly divides the crowd, running up to where Eren is. And in one swift motion, he hits the boy with the thick roll of cartolina right on the head with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whack!</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The crunching sound of paper echoes throughout the entire hall, followed by silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's not how you're supposed to ask people to vote for you, idiot." Levi has no idea what got into him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eren stands flabbergasted at the suddenness of the senior’s action. "B-but I j-just want to…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whack!</span>
  </em>
  <span> "No talking back,” Levi reprimands him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"B-but!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Whack!</span>
  </em>
  <span> "No buts."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well—” Eren stammers as Levi kicks him in the ass. The freshman gathers his remaining dignity to speak again. “J-just vote wisely!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those are the most inspiring words he thinks they’ll ever get from him. But at least he knows now that a roll of cartolina could sting so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy finally zips his mouth, full of awe and fear at the same time for the senior who just whacked him repeatedly. The rest of the crowd just leave their mouths open as Levi exits the convention hall, his roll of cartolina still on hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s already late for class. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No shit. You did it, boss!” Gunther remarks the moment Levi comes out of the classroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did what? He just made a statement.” Hange appears behind them. They just got out of their final classes for the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got people applying to our club,” Gunther announces. Oluo and Eld nod in agreement. They're sitting by the benches along the corridors right by the classrooms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haaa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's been three hours since he kicked that freshman in the butt. The onlookers thought it was a very well-rehearsed skit, albeit nobody would believe it was all impromptu. Because of Levi’s stunt at the student council pitch, a huge group of freshmen is now looking to join his club upon Eren’s insistence. That guy just pulls people with him wherever he goes. Maybe he can start a cult.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, first off, we need to buy some supplies," Eld tells him. "Iced coffees, for one."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's easy,” Levi rolls his eyes. It seems that Petra has already made the freebies final for them. “Hange can take care of that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Me? Why me?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Because you have a car, and more importantly, you're the leader."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Right, sometimes I forget Erwin appointed me for that. It just freaks me out," Hange complains. She then rubs her fingers together in front of Levi. "Got some </span>
  <em>
    <span>ka-ching ka-ching</span>
  </em>
  <span> so I can buy the stuff?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes out his wallet begrudgingly and slaps a hundred-dollar bill into her hand. There goes his allowance for the week. "You better ask for receipts."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You bet." She winks, giving him a one-hand finger gun, and walks away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi then turns to the juniors. “Okay, so where are we meeting?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They look at each other, not wanting to break the news. Eld finally kicks Oluo under the shin. The poor boy eyes Levi and mumbles, “At your place.” The creases form on the sides of Oluo’s mouth as the colors drain from Levi's face.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike the self-important groups that are fully-accredited by the university, they don’t get priorities when it comes to reserving classrooms for meetings. It’s one of the downsides of being a member-funded club. However, they can plan unlimited parties and gimmicks for as long as they have enough finances to back those up. That single pro always outweighs the rest of the cons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi didn’t expect that there's enough space to fit at least 30 people in the common room of their apartment. That is, if he accounts for the windowsills and the staircase as seats. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Erwin graduated, he used to be the leader of the Survey Scouts. He then passed on the responsibility to Hange, with Levi and Mike supporting her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure they’re coming?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Free stuff gets people, Levi,” Petra huffs, unfolding the last chair they borrowed from several amenities stores. “That, and making a statement.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few more minutes, the students start trickling in like ants who found a piece of candy on the ground. They target the seats at the back, just in case they need to make a quick getaway. When Eren arrives, there’s about a dozen people that he managed to string along with him. Without hesitation, he beelines straight for the front row. His friends follow him awkwardly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They start right on the dot. Hange goes up in front and thanks them for attending. Levi and Mike are on her side each, while Petra holds up the cartolina with their agenda for today. There are three things written on the huge paper: </span>
  <em>
    <span>1. Opening Remarks 2. Ground Rules 3. Pay Up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever wondered what’s beyond our school?” Hange starts her speech, her arms opening wide as if in ritual sacrifice. “And I don’t mean like outside, but rather, within the solitary confines of our campus walls.” There's a few nods from their audience. She goes on, "Then we at the Survey Scouts Club share the same sentiments!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone raises a hand among the audience. “Do we get our money back if we don’t like it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange thinks about it. “Well this isn’t a grocery store, but I can assure you that you’ll stay until the end</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it, I thought so!” The kid crushes the empty iced coffee in his hand. “Clubs are just a scam!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But at least you get freebies.” There are murmurs of ‘extortion’ and ‘double-crossers’ from those in their seats.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The yada-yada goes on for a few more minutes until Levi has had enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is going to drag," he mutters under his breath. He shoves Hange to the side and starts, his tone commanding as if he were Tyler Durden from Fight Club. “Alright, if you wanna leave, you can haul your ass out of here. For those who are still intent on joining us, listen up. Ground rules: we do not talk about the Survey Scouts in public unless it’s necessary. Two, find a cover-up club. No one must know you’re part of this secret club. Three, you must attend all meetings as much as you can. Three strikes and you’re out. Projects are also called expeditions and will go on as long as they have to. One expedition at a time. Understood?” He finishes their code of conduct like a death sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a hush from the crowd. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What Levi means to say is…” Hange puts a hand on his shoulder. “If it’s your first time, you’ll just have to enjoy the ride.” She smiles. And then hands on her hips, she flashes them a stupid grin. "So who's with us?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kids start lining up, paying their initial fee to join the club. They don’t know if it’s out of inspiration or out of fear. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>After they’re done socializing with the new members, the apartment common room is a mess. Levi takes it to himself to clean it all up, eyeing leftover pizzas and empty cans of iced coffees disdainfully. It’s disgusting how people do not understand the idea of clean-as-you-go. They should all get sent back to kindergarten for that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eld, Gunther, and Oluo are racking up the expenses, tallying their attendance for today, and re-counting all the money they received. After verifying everything, Petra can only manage an “Oh.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What now?” Levi sighs, gripping his broom. “Please don’t tell me I have to pull out my savings for us not to be in debt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not it,” Petra hands him the paper. He eyes it as she continues, “It’s a breakeven this time. Actually, way, way more than that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi cannot believe what he’s seeing. The numbers are accurate; they have enough funds to start on their projects. And if they get lucky, perhaps they’ll even have some left in the end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cheers to free iced coffee, then!” Oluo raises up his half-empty can. “Maybe we should get sponsors next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi gives him a scowl. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Next time,</span>
  </em>
  <span> we are buying tea.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Teach Them Hell, Kid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang helps Erwin in fostering a student-teacher atmosphere in his class.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They catch Erwin eating a salad on his own at the cafeteria’s faculty lounge. There’s a huge yellow sign in bold letters that says the area is off-limit to students, but that doesn’t stop them because nobody gives a shit. The divider is transparent, which explains why the teachers are usually ambushed by their students the moment they step out of the lounge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heya, Erwin!” Hange cheerfully waves at him. Actually, waving is not exactly it; she’s flapping her arms like a giant chicken. Levi follows right behind her, and so do Mike and Nanaba.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin looks up and greets them with a small smile. And then he goes back to munching on his leafy greens. Back when he was still a student, Erwin usually had a piss-poor diet, always ordering fast food and eating chips while studying for exams. It’s unusual for them to see him having a healthy meal for once. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They plop right on the chairs near him and tell him about the success of the Survey Scout’s first meeting. Hange is talkative as always, explaining everything in full detail with her hand gestures and a wide smile. “You won’t believe it, Erwin! It’s going to be an amazing year—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, how are your classes going?” Mike cuts her off, prompting Hange to make a face while staying silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good.” He stabs a piece of tomato absentmindedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound like it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Erwin drifts off and looks away. That’s how they know something is wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi talks under his breath, “Oi, Erwin. Spit it out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin hesitates and eyes them wistfully at first. Sighing, he then tells them that his students look bored in his class. Their participation is minimal and they don’t even seem concerned about learning at all. “They probably think World History sucks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> suck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange nudges Levi. “Don’t say that. Maybe he’s still trying to get the hang of it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nobody speaks for a while. They know Erwin is passionate about teaching. He has always wanted to be one, but he’s never really tried teaching college students before. It’s an entirely different ordeal stepping in front of the board when he’s been sitting in the back row all this time because the know-it-all kids couldn’t see past his huge broad back.    </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got an idea.” Nanaba raises a hand. They scooch closer towards her. “How about we sit in your class, Erwin, and then we participate in it as well? That should boost their motivation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oooh, I love sitting in!” Hange gleefully volunteers as if she had been handed a present.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike asks, “So, we’re like, herding cattle?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi rolls his eyes. “That is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“An idea is an idea, shorty. I don’t see you having one.” Nanaba shoots back. “What do you think, Erwin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not really sure, but he’s already desperate to inspire his students, so he’ll give a go on anything at this point. Finally, Erwin shrugs. “Alright, well, let’s try it.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The four of them sit at the back of his class, pretending they belong there. They have five minutes left before the bell rings to mark the start of the session. Levi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, locking his legs together and crossing his arms. Hange looks eager as ever, her eyes shining brightly behind her glasses. Mike and Nanaba try to look as dignified as possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A student sitting in the row in front of them turns around and faces them. “I’ve never seen you guys before. Are you varsity or something?” He’s one of those annoying students who alert the professor who’s been skipping class or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they’re on the teacher’s side this time so Nanaba fakes a smile. “I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The student puts down his pen. “You guess?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi looks around the classroom and observes the students chattering with each other. There’s a kid near the window listening to music with his airpods. Erwin cannot see it from the front. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking wireless tech</span>
  </em>
  <span>,’ Levi thinks. A girl looks like a younger Hange without glasses is eating a potato, chomping on a piece here and there—who the fuck eats a potato with their bare hands? Another boy is texting, probably his parents. He can forgive that, as well as two girls passing notes to each other in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, youth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin enters the room and immediately sees the four of them at the back. He gives the class a small nod and starts writing on the board. When the bell finally rings, he then clears his throat and commences his lecture for the day. The topic is World War II and everyone can tell that nobody is really listening to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba breaks his speech by raising a hand. “Erwin—uh, Mr. Erwin? Mr. Smith?” she tries not to laugh as she formally addresses her friend, “How do we know that the history we learn is correct?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is it. His moment to shine. Erwin looks at her with gratitude and expresses with great confidence, “There’s a difference between ‘correct’ and ‘true.’ And it’s called perspective. History is written by the winners. Those who survive and witness everything get to write—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re saying that we’re putting the burden of fact-checking on a bunch of heroic pretenders?” Hange blurts out with a surprised look on her face. “Does that mean the news we receive today are just shit we hear from liars?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are murmurs among his students. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin flinches at the way it was said, but still goes along. “Yes, but—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do we know we’re not being lied to right now?” A blonde girl wearing a hoodie asks, hands stuffed in her pocket while sitting down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s right!” Hange joins in to motivate the student even more. A student-teacher interaction is finally in Erwin’s books. “The whole world is probably a con—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi slaps her hand and mutters, “Hange, stop it, you’re not helping.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was about to ask how so when another student finally speaks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So that's how nations are made! Maybe we should start telling our own news and claim to be credible, then!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are reactions from the class, most of them saying ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>while a bunch are shaking their heads. Erwin’s face is already worried. “No, that’s not where I’m getting at, Rainier…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike poses another question, his voice loud and booming. “So who would be an excellent historian, Hitler or Stalin? Who did a better job in shaping the world?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm, we don’t really talk about that,” Erwin can feel himself sweating by now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly my point,” the student named Rainier remarks. “We should probably start labeling Hitler as a leader who’s been wronged by people! Right, Bertholdt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Bertholdt tries not to look at anyone in his seat. “Now’s not a really good time to defend the Nazis…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you’d rather side with the Russians? We need to swallow history a little bit easier, then. Hitler’s like a tragic hero!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Voices start rising. Someone calls them ‘fucking traitors,’ and Rainier lashes out at the entire class. Hange is still adding fuel to the fire by saying that a lot of scientific calculations are not as accurate as people think they should be. Mike is now in a debate with Rainier, with Nanaba backing up her boyfriend and Bertholdt trying to ease the tension. More arguments ensue between Hitler and Stalin and chaos erupts in the classroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hitler is for the people!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah? Well, Stalin started a new era!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got your entire history wrong, fuckwad!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And your history has been written by shitheads!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quit being racist! It’s like claiming supremacy over others when you can't even tell the difference between Asians!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's better than classifying people according to their skincare!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, calm down,” Erwin is pleading, trying to shush them up. He tries to resume his lecture by raising the volume of his voice, but it’s already futile. His words are being drowned by the commotion in the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can see the kid changing the song on his playlist, his head bobbing along and oblivious to the ruckus that’s happening. When his thumb starts fiddling inside his pocket where his phone probably is, Levi stands up and yanks one of the airpods from the student’s earlobe out of pure rage. “Oi, that’s disrespectful, brat.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The student cries out, “The hell? Give it back!” He can hear the next song already playing in full volume. The loud instrumental riff of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Party Rock Anthem</span>
  </em>
  <span> is pulsating hard in Levi’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you,” Levi spats on the girl who’s still chewing on her potato. He can still hear the ongoing debate between Hitler and Stalin, someone uttering ‘the spawn of the devil.’ He snatches the half-eaten potato from the girl. “Stop eating in class.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I’m hungry,” she whines over the shouts of “Stalin!” and “Hitler!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the students are now chanting for a brawl, their fists pounding on their tables. Hange has already joined the hullabaloo, also cheering them to boost their class participation. Wads of paper start flying across the classroom as they start chucking stuff at each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you, five? Nobody fucking cares—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin finally slams his hand loudly on his desk. “That’s enough!” Thirty-four pairs of eyes blink at him in surprise. His temper has already flown out of the window. “Those who aren’t going to shut up, get out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, we’re just helping…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi throws the airpod and the potato to the two students and walks out. Hange calls his name, but Mike is already striding off and Nanaba has to follow him. Apologetic, Hange gives Erwin a cringing look and heads out as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The students just stare at him in silence. Erwin is devastated now more than ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a kid who raises his hand. “So, are they marked absent for today?”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The four of them finally find peace by sitting on the nice benches by the school garden. The shouts are still ringing in their ears. Mike’s head is between his legs, his pulse still throbbing in his temples after getting into a verbal spar with the students. Nanaba is rubbing his back while Hange is fidgeting with her hands. A bird flies by and starts twittering in their silence. They look like a miserable team who just lost the championship games. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a while, Levi finally uncrosses his arms and scoffs, “Tch, that went well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange points a finger at Nanaba for the failed operation. “This was your idea!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me that look,” Nanaba glares at her. She gave everything that she got just for the spotlight to shine on Erwin. “I didn’t know you would botch his moment just like that!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your boyfriend did that, too!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike defends himself. “At least they started talking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for all the wrong reasons.” A sad voice behind them speaks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all crane their necks around and see Erwin standing there, his gloomy figure hovering above them. He has allowed his class to end early for today, unable to change the sour note when the four walked out of his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Erwin! We’re really, really sorry.” There’s a hint of regret in Nanaba’s tone as she wrings her hands. “I swear we tried our best.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In starting a war in my World History class?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba looks crestfallen. “At least we’re keeping up with the topic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi snorts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, how about this, next time—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin cuts Hange off. “There won’t be a next time.” He’s already had enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Hange is not backing down. “You can call us in class and ask us a question. If we screw up, you can kick us out of the room and we’ll pretend we never knew each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s basically what just happened. We can start with the pretending part now.” He turns to leave but Hange stops him with her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll try again. Please, Erwin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sparrow in the background flies away, and drops bird poop onto Erwin's shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their friend-turned-instructor apparently only handles that class once a week, so they will have to wait till next Tuesday. Erwin says he’ll think about inviting them to sit in again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the meantime, they need to hold a meeting for the Special Operations Squad. Petra, Gunther, Oluo, and Eld are supposed to attend, along with Eren and his two bodyguards-aka-friends, Mikasa and Armin. Hange has class for the rest of the afternoon, so she assigns Levi to preside over the discussion without her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he arrives at the meeting room, there’s already a bit of commotion outside the door. At this point, Levi is sure enough that trouble just follows him wherever he goes. When he hears a shrill and very frustrated cry, he waits for a moment near the bathroom and watches a group of students turn away and leave, their faces annoyed with disdain. Levi checks to see if the coast is clear and brisk-walks straight to the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is not expecting to see a furious Petra, which is very, very rare. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve booked this room ages ago!” She hisses. “I can’t believe the Anime Club wanted to chuck us out just because they have support from the admin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What were they planning to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Binge-watch some anime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once she finally calms down, th</span>
  <span>ey form a circle with the chairs and sit closer together. “By the way,” Petra announces, “Professor Shadis has declined to be our club moderator this year.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith Shadis has always been the Survey Scouts advisor, approving their projects and managing all paperwork for them. But since last time, after having to shell out his own money to fund the club’s expedition which racked up a lot of debt, he’s finally had enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So we’re moderator-less? That’s great! No need to feel like we’re being bossed around by a parent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Oluo, it’s like being disowned by a parent who pays for your stuff all the time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The agenda for the meeting is to arrive at a decision for their initial fundraising project which the Special Operations Squad is apparently responsible for. They take turns giving ideas and suggestions, only to be shut down by each other. Within half an hour, Petra’s list has already been reduced to three.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So are we doing a car wash? Or a bake sale?” Armin asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious?” Levi frowns. “That’s what hoes and pimps do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that also why they’re always out on the streets?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nobody answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eld turns to the girl who’s been taking down the minutes of the meeting. “So what have you got, Petra?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's a pause before she speaks. “I’m thinking of... fortune-telling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They look at her incredulously, their mouths open as if waiting for a fly. Gunther breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, ever heard of tarot cards? Palm reading?” Petra looks around, trying to catch their interests. “That stuff sells.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So do ouija boards and porn magazines,” Oluo comments.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but this one, it’s like reading a fortune cookie or making </span>
  <span>up a horoscope for the day. People love that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s fifteen minutes worth of squabble among Levi and the four juniors. In the end, they finally relent to Petra’s suggestion. Nobody wants to tell her this is two crimes combined: hoodwinking and extortion. Feeling self-victorious, she agrees to do most of the preparations; all they have to do is show up on the day of the event for their assigned roles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought this is the mafia team they were talking about,” Eren whispers to his friends, expecting badassery but only ending up with misery and terrible bickering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We are the MaFiA," Petra explains to him. "The SOS works on Marketing, Finance, and Accounting." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is nothing they ever expected.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their classes are surprisingly normal for the rest of the week. Back-to-back three-hour subjects should be illegal. Levi’s been hit from all sides with requirements and meetings that he’s ready to call it quits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is on his way back to the apartment after a long afternoon when he spots Hange in a coffee shop called Paradis Cafe. She’s sitting by the window, typing something on her laptop and scribbling something down on her notebook. Knowing that he’s got nothing to do for the remainder of his day, he comes inside and taps her on the shoulder. “Oi, Hange.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She jumps, almost knocking down her mocha latte. “You scared me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter.” He knows that Hange normally stays inside the comfort of her room or spends more time on campus, so he asks her, “Why are you here by the way? Lab reps?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange holds out her papers. “The library’s full and I can’t concentrate back in the apartment. The neighbor’s bulldog keeps on barking as if she’s on her period. And so, here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not as bad as when you yap about all your absurd science shit.” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and makes way for the door. “I’m heading home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She calls out to him, “Ah, I’d rather you don’t.” Levi stops, his eyebrow arched. Hange shrugs her shoulder. “Just a friendly suggestion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haaa?” There’s something she’s not saying, and it’s not just the dog that’s nagging her, so he prompts her to explain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s, uhm, Mike and Nanaba’s anniversary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean ‘and’?” She looks at him, shocked that he has no idea what she’s talking about. “You know, they’re uhm...” Averting her eyes from his, she makes an OK sign with one hand and pokes an index finger repeatedly through the O. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Feeling his cheeks heat up, Levi finally gets the message. “Ah. Guess I’m staying here, then.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cafe has a very relaxing aura which Levi does not expect at all. He thinks all coffee shops are just hippy and borderline pretentious so students can say they’re cool whenever they order a cappuccino and take selfies with it. He leaves Hange for a while when he orders a cup of black tea and positions himself on the stool right beside hers. By the time he gets back with his drink, she’s almost done with her paper. For some reason, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Touch My Body</span>
  </em>
  <span> is currently on the cafe’s playlist</span>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should get to know the students of Erwin,” she rests her chin on the palm of her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi blows on the surface of his cup. “Still thinking about that, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though her head is usually above the clouds, blabbering on about her experiments and science trivia, Hange can be unexpectedly caring when it comes to her friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to make it up to him,” she pauses to adjust her glasses. “It’s technically my fault that he lashed out last time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, so you finally realized.” He lets her playfully punch him in the arm. Changing the subject, he points to a small takeout box beside her bag. “What’s that?” He leans to read the card sticking out of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a strawberry shortcake for Mike and Nanaba. Thought they might like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tilts his head to the side. “So the mad scientist has a heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh? Of course I do.” She firmly grabs him by the wrist, dejected by his words. “Do you really think I only care about my odd insect collection?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her face is really close to his, their noses inches away from each other. Her glasses have fogged, making it hard to tell if she’s thinking what he’s thinking. Mariah Carey is already singing the chorus of the title song. Levi stares at Hange’s lips and swallows as he shuts his eyes, moving his face closer to hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to close the gap when something vibrates in her pocket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, someone’s calling.” She lets go of him and turns away to answer her phone. “Hello, Mom?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t see Levi’s face fall forward into the empty space like a fool.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Say, Eren, what do you know about the other block from your batch?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You mean the ones from Utgard?’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them are in the freshmen dormitory visiting Eren at 8 in the evening. Eren’s a lucky guy, being selected to stay at the limited spots and all. The school gives priority to those whose families are really struggling with finances and to those who really live far, far away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy apparently is familiar with most of the students from Erwin’s class. They’re from the other block, but he’s been with them during the orientation week. So he tells them what he knows. Hange and Levi listen closely as he tells them their quirks and main habits, starting with Sasha who has a Southern accent ("As in, like, 'Yee-haw, cowboy!'") and loves potatoes, and Connie who’s a family guy and is always thinking about his parents back home ("I don't know why, but he's going bald..."). Historia and Ymir are together ("Love wins, right?"), while Bertholdt, Rainier, and Annie are pretty much a trio ("They just popped out of nowhere, like daisies!"). There are other students, too, but Levi remembers the ones who stood out the last time hell broke loose in World History. Hange, already satisfied with the information, thanks Eren and prepares to head back to their apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and one more thing,” Eren adds. “They believe Jean is my doppelganger but I daresay he looks more like a horse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, ‘suicidal maniac,’” Jean appears from behind Eren, his fist already out and ready to knock the lights out of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking at each other, Levi and Hange turn around and leave quietly, pretending they didn’t see anything. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin finally heeds to what they have to say after several attempts of reaching out to him. Eventually the four of them had to ambush him once more in the faculty lounge. “I sure hope this goes well,” he sighs, fingers crossed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The students are already weary of their presence when the four of them enter the room once more. They probably think the class is a shit-show. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Erwin’s friends are not giving up on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The four of them listen as they allow him to control the pace of his lecture. And then Erwin starts relating the aspects of history to his students. He now calls them randomly, not out of contempt, but to attentively hear what they have to say. “Say, Historia and Ymir,” he would call out the two girls passing notes to each other, “What would you feel if women like you weren’t allowed to vote and own property?” Or: “Sasha! If they rationed out potatoes during the war, wouldn’t that make you mad?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the students are appalled by the way he explains things, as if he knows them all too well as much as he knows history. Nanaba and Mike still attempt to pique their interest by asking a question or two but it’s obvious by now that Erwin can already handle the class on his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think he needs us here anymore,” Hange whispers to Levi. "Should I still ask what he thinks about historians evolving from monkeys?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s still be on standby, just in case. And for the love of god, stop asking ridiculous questions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of the class, Erwin gives good book recommendations to Bertholdt and Rainier about the viewpoints of Hitler and Stalin, and even advises them to watch a few highly-praised documentaries about their lives during the war. They seem to be listening to him as they even tagged Annie along with them to look for the books in the library. Apparently she is also interested in the controversies during the war. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the bell finally rings, one of his students approaches him. “Thank you for the amazing lecture, by the way, Mr. Erwin,” she gives him a warmhearted smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re welcome, Historia.” His heart swells. He feels as if he’s a completely different person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We know you’re trying really hard. But we’ll try to meet you halfway from here on,” Historia promises him, before turning her head towards her classmates. “Right, guys?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the students give him a thumbs up before they head out to their next class. Ymir nudges the girl who’s eating once again. Sasha gives Erwin a double thumbs up, an entire potato lodged in her mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the room is already empty, Erwin catches up to them in the hallway, holding his folders and the History textbook with him. “Hey, uh, thanks, you guys.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Told you we'd tame them!” Hange grins, happy that their friend is now satisfied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba tells him, “But you do realize, you have to keep it up, you know? Else they’ll be bored once again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Understood," Erwin nods. He gives himself an internal note of connecting more with his students. "I owe you guys one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, about that...” Mike’s voice trails as he looks at Levi, urging the shorter guy to prompt the question to Erwin: “How do you feel about becoming our club advisor?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin’s mouth falls open then closes for a few times, like a fish flopping in the market. There’s no going back on his word. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Emergency Thrills</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi, Mike, and Hange form a band to compete in a contest, and they practice amid the commotion.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Seriously, what’s the point of these evacuation drills?”</p><p> </p><p>This is the second time they have been asked to evacuate from the fourth floor and head out to the gates within fifteen minutes—the first run-through being a failure, exceeding the recommended evacuation record by two minutes. It's a waste of time, if Levi were to be honest. He hates it whenever classes are interrupted for no good reason.</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe they're bored and have nothing better to do with their lives?" Hange suggests.</p><p> </p><p>And it's not like they'll ever be 100% prepared when the real thing happens. No matter how many times they rehearse the situation, people's fight-or-flight instinct takes over and then chaos ensues.</p><p> </p><p>Somebody is shouting 'duck, cover, and hold' repeatedly through a megaphone but nobody in the crowd is actually following the instructions. Only the stupid ones attempt to do so, and even the stupid ones look stupid-er using their laptops as a shield from the scorching sun.</p><p> </p><p>"How many times do I have to tell you to leave your belongings, goddamn it!" Keith Shadis, the former Survey Scouts moderator and also a tenured professor, is now shouting from the top of his lungs. "In a real emergency, you won't have time to pack your bags and go." They should just let him retire for the sake of peace.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a security guard whistling, scooching them over to the side in a single file. The students are now just texting and chatting. Someone is binge-watching a sitcom on their phone. Later on, two medics carry a mannequin on a stretcher. Another one calls out to the student population: "We need a volunteer to receive a first-aid simulation."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, pick me! Pick me!" Hange jumps up and down among the throng of people, her hand high up in the air. It’s her chance to ask anatomical questions on real life-or-death situations.</p><p> </p><p>They eventually select her and she gets the rare privilege of getting hauled in a wheelchair. "Wait here, I'm going to get the first-aid kit," the medic tells her before running to the ambulance. Hange is beyond ecstatic, craning her neck and giving Levi a thumbs up before dancing while she's sitting down, pretending to be injured. She doesn't even realize that there's a ramp right behind her and she's at the top of the inclined plane. </p><p> </p><p>The wheelchair starts wheeling down without notice. </p><p> </p><p>Hange yelps as the thing crashes into a nearby ditch—along with her in it. The entire student body watches by.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They are sent back to their classes once the evacuation drills are complete. Levi is in his Engineering class, sulking away for the rest of the period. The professor is discussing how to write the abstract and cite sources for the review of related literature, but he’s not even listening. It's his fourth attempt in trying to submit thesis proposals for his capstone project. But he keeps on being rejected for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>When he submits his ideas once again, his adviser frowns the moment he reads what’s on the paper. “Why do your thesis titles sound like a novel?” </p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t they supposed to?” Levi asks, his face in genuine curiosity. </p><p> </p><p>“‘Nuclear Power and the Deadly Thunderspear?’” his thesis professor reads one on the list. “That sounds like Harry Potter who ended up in the wrong universe.” </p><p> </p><p>Silently, Levi reads his other proposals one by one: </p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><em>Attack on AI: Developing Human-Recognition Software for Propelled Supersonic Flight</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Disinfecting 101: One Hundred Ways of Cleaning Water Pollutants through Spectral Sensors</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Bringing a Knife to a Gunfight: An Assessment of Damage and Efficiency between Supersteel Blades and Anti-Personnel Guns</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Wings of Freedom: The Utilization of 3D Printing and Optic Cables for Vertical Maneuvering Gear</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>Hange helped him in coming up with these. She believes thesis titles should be creative and witty in order to attract more readers. Boring ones are just plain horrible and a threat to humanity. Most hardbound thesis projects end up dusting away in libraries, anyway, if not chucked into the garbage dump after ten years or so. That, or they end up being lit up in funeral pyres. Now that Levi thinks about it, the two of them seem like they’re sharing one brain cell. </p><p> </p><p>“They seem okay to me.”</p><p> </p><p>"I know you can do better, Levi," his thesis adviser encourages him after giving him constructive feedback on each topic. "Think harder. You just have to use your brain for it."</p><p>Once the class is over, he rips the paper into pieces, crumples the strips, and steps repeatedly on them before tossing them into the trash can and murmuring ‘stupid fucking thesis.’ His classmates blink once, twice, before leaving him on his own. It's going to be another one of those days.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Eren tries to bother him in the library while he’s studying for his upcoming Stats exam, saying he wishes to be more like Levi: cool, calm, and composed. Not to mention, full of angst. The boy is a mouthful. He goes on a monologue on how his parents have high aspirations for him—how his father wants him to become a doctor, and how his mother tells him he could be a model. Levi tries to concentrate on rewriting his notes from the lectures, but Eren starts whining more about wanting to be more independent without Mikasa and Armin having to save his ass all the time and how he wants to be more active in the Special Operations Squad of the Survey Scouts so he can prove himself useful to others. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, Levi cannot take it anymore, so he slams his notebook close and whacks Eren with it. The sound echoes throughout the entire floor of the library, followed by Mikasa’s angry remarks. The girl has been hiding behind a bookshelf this whole time. </p><p> </p><p>Despite her warning, the boy becomes even more determined to be like Levi. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When he comes home to their apartment, the first thing he sees is the trash piling up on the floor. Hange is lounging by the common room, looking so laid back with both her feet dangling from one arm of the couch. The TV is on and there’s a notebook propped by her lap, her knees bent just to keep it from shutting close. She’s snacking on some popcorn in her hand and does not even look up when Levi briefly crosses the room and hurls the empty bucket right at her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow! What the hell—?”</p><p> </p><p>“Tch, you look so relaxed studying for our Stats exam. I’m giving you a break.” He walks over to the pantry looking for food. The shelves and cabinets are mostly empty, and the fridge is just a bunch of leftovers from takeout boxes. They will have to do some grocery shopping soon.</p><p> </p><p>Hange re-adjusts the lens of her glasses. “Hey, it’s not my problem you can’t cut off some slack when reviewing.”</p><p> </p><p>"Unlike you, Four-Eyes, I work hard all the time."</p><p> </p><p>They both happen to be enrolled in the same Statistics class—with Levi being required to take it and Hange joining it just for fun to fill up her units. The pros of that is he gets to copy her problem sets and even ask her for tips when he’s stuck in class recitation; the con is Hange never shuts up about being smarter than him.</p><p> </p><p>“Think you can beat me in the exam?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be silly.” He takes out a skillet to make himself some leftover fried rice. “Your heart is not even in it. You've only attended three classes so far.”</p><p> </p><p>She counts with her fingers, looking up in the ceiling. "I've had 10 and a half cuts."</p><p> </p><p>"You overcut. The limit was 9."</p><p> </p><p>"Our prof gave me unlimited cuts because I aced his other class. Besides, I self-study." Hange realizes her excuse is lousy so she negotiates. “So how about… loser pays for a meal?” </p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange starts making puppy dog faces. “Come on, Levi.” She can smell the salt and garlic in the air. “You know I only want to bring out the best in you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You gotta be shitting me.” He starts tossing the rice in the air with the pan. “In fact, thanks to you, I have to re-do all my thesis proposals.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with the ones I came up with?” Hange waits for an answer that will never arrive. She starts again, “Okay, how about this: the winner gets both a free meal <em> and </em> a one-time, big-time help on any favor?”</p><p> </p><p>He lets the pan sizzle while deep in thought. It’s an offer too tempting to pass, so he finally considers. “Bring it on.”</p><p> </p><p>"So, can I have some of what you're having, too?"</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Time seems to move the slowest when there's an exam. Levi has silently cursed himself for the nth time while shading the circles on his paper. He's skipped about eight items so far, and he's about to skip some more. There's a good chance that he's going to lose his bet with Hange at this point. Either he has to shotgun his answers randomly or laser it by shading the same letters consecutively.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off. They look at each other and then at their professor, waiting for a sign to move out. “Nah, that’s just another stupid drill,” the professor shrugs his shoulders. They resume their exams.</p><p> </p><p>A minute or so passes by and the alarm does not stop ringing. It's already tingling in their ears. Levi can barely focus on answering. The same goes for the rest of the class as they start to hear footsteps shuffling along the corridors. More students come down from the top floors, completely frightened for real. If they look through the window, they can see black smoke coming from the building right across theirs. The blaring sirens of a fire truck are getting louder and louder.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, shit.” This time, their professor is now livid. “Alright, class, pass your papers."</p><p> </p><p>Nobody budges at first, their pens hovering above their answer sheets. "Seriously?" None of them has finished the exam.</p><p> </p><p>As if on cue, someone outside cries like a maniac: “Oh my god, we’re gonna die! We are <em> so </em> gonna die!” There’s a loud clang which they assume is the said stranger accidentally banging his forehead into a railing. </p><p> </p><p>That answers their question. The class explodes in panic. </p><p> </p><p>Shouting hysterically, they begin shuffling their papers together before one of them hands the entire bundle in disarray to their professor after failing to calm them down. Clutching their backpacks, they scurry out of the building, everyone whimpering and wailing, except Levi.</p><p> </p><p>Once they get evacuated in the open grounds of the campus, hushed voices start whispering from every corner, wondering about what happened. “They say someone burned down a building on purpose,” or, “That’s ridiculous. Probably something exploded in the Chem lab.” Another: “Did someone forget their lunch in the microwave?”</p><p> </p><p>There's also the possibility that the answer key has been leaked by now. Some of Levi’s classmates are huddled together, and if he listens closely, he is absolutely certain that they are discussing the questions from the exam. </p><p> </p><p>He eventually spots Hange with Erwin, Mike, and Nanaba in the crowd. Their height makes them easier to be found, unlike him. He tries to make it to the group, pushing students along the way. When he finally settles beside them, Erwin asks, "Say, who do you think did it?" </p><p> </p><p>Mike answers, maybe a terrorist, while Nanaba thinks it’s an arsonist who has a grudge on the school. Levi doesn’t believe it’s that serious. "Beats me. Probably just a prank." It's possible. Back in high school, he, together with Farlan and Isabel, would play with the fire alarm just to scare people out of their wits. "What do you think, Hange? Oi, Hange."</p><p> </p><p>Said person is rummaging through her bag, her eyes glassy behind the lens. "Oh no, I think I submitted my scratch paper in a hurry." Almost ready to cry, she holds up a piece of paper with circles shaded on the surface. </p><p> </p><p>It's her answer sheet.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They eat lunch at the pizza parlor right across campus, just in case the admin announces that they will resume classes in the afternoon. Thankfully, classes are cancelled. However, their Statistics professor announces through e-mail that he will administer a new exam by their next session, rendering their current test papers useless (“Consider it a review or a mock test, though!” he wrote). They don’t tell each other, but Hange and Levi feel relieved deep inside. All that panicking for nothing now gone. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin is disappointed, on the other hand. "I was having a graded recitation for my class. Seems like we have to do it all over."</p><p> </p><p>Turns out, the fire scare was nothing too serious. A student named Floch accidentally triggered the smoke alarm when he heated his lunch along with a metal spoon inside the container far too long in the cafeteria microwave. He blames his Mommy for not telling him that there was a spoon in his Tupperware.</p><p> </p><p>Most of the students have left the premises right after lunch. The afternoon is free for those who want to work on their projects, study for exams, or just meet up for their clubs. They take this time to laze around on campus.</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like the annual Battle of the Bands posters are up,” Hange notices. Promoted by the Musicians’ Pool, the event is used to incite camaraderie among university students through music. Students can form groups of three to perform for the culminating event. The grand prize is a good amount of cash. It’s enough to convince anyone with talent to join.</p><p> </p><p>“So, uh, Levi…” Mike starts when they corner him in the school cafeteria, “Ever thought about joining a band?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi already knows where this is going. The idea has actually crossed his mind before. He has a decent voice which he discovered by singing in the shower when he was younger, but never really gave much thought to it. Kenny would just shut him up before he could even finish a song. His friends eventually found out about his secret talent when he got drunk during a karaoke session and managed to hit all the high notes of <em> Bohemian Rhapsody. </em></p><p> </p><p>“What about Nanaba?”</p><p> </p><p>“Her singing will cause an apocalypse,” Mike says, causing his girlfriend to roll her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Levi lets the silence linger for a moment so he can eat his fruit yogurt in peace. It's tempting, but there are still doubts lingering in his mind. He can't imagine what the reaction of people will be like when they find out that a grumpy midget such as him can actually belt out a song. After scooping a huge dollop, he continues, “So, what’s the name of the band?”</p><p> </p><p>Hange responds, “Uhm, we’ve got no name so far.”</p><p> </p><p>His spoon clatters loudly on the table. “Haa? You want to join this stupid contest but you don’t have a name?”</p><p> </p><p>Hange and Mike look at each other, wondering who has to break the ice for Levi. One of them finally relents. “Levi, the band is called No Name,” Mike explains to him. </p><p> </p><p>He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Say that one more time.”</p><p> </p><p>There's a lot of things that surprise Levi. The first is that two of his friends apparently are musically-inclined enough to participate in this contest. Second is that they have the audacity to invite him to sing. Third, they actually came up with the shittiest band name he has ever heard.</p><p> </p><p>"What?” Hange grins at his gaping mouth. “Admit it, it's cool. It has the right amount of angst that we need. Not that you’re bringing 90% of it with you.”</p><p> </p><p>"Also, Erwin already approved.” Mike confesses. “He’s going to be our manager."</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, Erwin?” Levi leans to the side so he can see Erwin hiding behind Mike. “You signed us up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Thought you guys could use some publicity.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The idea becomes more and more ridiculous to his ears the more Hange explains their vision for the band. Face bandages and formal suits, for one, seem totally absurd and stupid. (“It goes with our vibe check! And the aura,” Hange insists.)</p><p> </p><p>They practice a few songs by renting a nearby music studio with their measly allowance. It’s a good thing that Erwin was able to hook them up with the owner by giving them a student discount. At first, their playing is terrible; Hange is strumming too fast like a maniac and Mike can barely keep up with the rhythm. Levi has to bark orders at his bandmates just so they can get their shit together. But eventually, the more they rehearse their songs each day, the less their music sounds like a wretched mess.</p><p> </p><p>"I heard you guys are working hard,” Petra bumps into the three of them one morning. “Go beat The Titans, will you? They're that obnoxious band from Marley, that school across town.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange wrinkles her nose. “The one that requires uniforms? Ew.”</p><p> </p><p>The Titans apparently have a reputation for singing shitty pop covers in an attempt to sound cool. And yet, people still like them because they think all the band members are hot. </p><p> </p><p>“One time their lead vocalist threw a baseball at someone and it hit him square on the face,” Eren tells their group while they are walking along the corridor. “That student felt awesome.”</p><p> </p><p>“Were you the student?” Armin asks him. </p><p> </p><p>“Yup, and that wicked pitcher is my big bro.” Eren is smug and proud. “His name is Zeke. Speaking of which, that’s him right there.”</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes wander across the lawn where a Chevrolet is waiting. A well-built blond guy in glasses gets out of the car. Even though he has the aura of a rockstar, he doesn’t resemble Eren one bit. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s up, bro?” Zeke is leaning against his car, his hands in his pockets. Once he gives Eren a high-five, his eyes dart towards Hange's guitar case and the pair of drumsticks in Mike’s hands. “You guys play?” </p><p> </p><p>Mike nods. “Been practicing for tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, the big day? That’s very assiduous of you.” He strokes his beard. “Too bad my band’s taking home the prize.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t put your money where your mouth is.” Levi’s voice is low, ready to jump on his throat. “You might end up eating your words.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sweet. Well, gotta take my bro out for some bonding time tonight. See you at the show, then.”  He climbs inside his car with Eren riding shotgun. “And try not too hard to embarrass yourselves,” he winks at them before heading off.  </p><p> </p><p>They watch the car speed away. Levi squeezes his empty plastic bottle so hard the cap pops out. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The Stohess Point is a local bar outside campus, its logo a flashy neon sign written in script. They arrive two hours early to figure out their stage placement and to get a feel of performing live on the spot. Levi cannot be within a one-mile radius of anything that smells like smoke and piss, but he’s forced to be here. It’s not his cup of tea, but it means business. The least he can do is put up with it. </p><p> </p><p>The Battle of the Band kicks off at exactly 7 pm. There are about ten groups participating, based on what the student-jurors have told them. It starts getting crowded within the first fifteen minutes or so. A lot of people start vaping inside the bar and Mike has to try his best not to inhale it all. Levi is surprised that the smoke detector hasn’t gone off this whole time. </p><p> </p><p>He also learns that Zeke Yeager is apparently Eren’s stepbrother, which explains why they look nothing like each other. Even though he can tolerate Eren, Levi already doesn't like this Zeke guy. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, break a leg, maybe literally,” Zeke scoffs at them as he downs a pre-game drink. “We’ll send you our band posters once The Titans sign a label.”</p><p> </p><p>Mike and Hange ignore him, but Levi still looks like he’s chronically constipated. He tells them it’s the nerves and pre-show jitters. "I'm going to slice that bearded monkey into pieces if he gets near me again." He grits his teeth, his back hunched as he sits on a stool too big for him. </p><p> </p><p>“Nice bandages, by the way,” Porco Galliard, drummer of The Titans, taps his shoulder. This is the perfect time to have an emergency drill so Levi can punch the lights out of the cocky musicians. However, it still doesn’t happen. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry about that,” Pieck Finger, the keyboardist, tells them, as if sensing their bubbling anger. At least, someone is genuinely apologetic. “Please don’t mind my bandmates. I’m sure you’ll do great.”</p><p> </p><p>Most of the student bands aren’t that bad at all. But they lack audience impact and coherence within themselves, except for one vocalist who threw himself into the crowd but nobody caught him. Some people just rock and suck at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>When The Titans are up next, there is a hush among the crowd. He can see that Rainier, Bertholdt, and Annie are cheering them on even though they’re from rival schools. Their keyboardist starts the melody and Zeke hums the tune of a famous song at the beginning. He then strikes his guitar and everyone starts jamming to the lyrics, following the beat of the drums. Somebody faints after shouting, "I love you, Zeke!" and has to be rushed to the infirmary. Other than that, they end their gig simply, raising their hands up in the air as the audience claps for them. The applause fades as they head down the platform, and the next band is called. </p><p> </p><p>Downstage, the three members of No Name gather in a circle as they put their arms around each other. Mike nods to them, “You guys ready? Let’s put on a good show.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am so pumped!” Hange squeals in her suit. </p><p> </p><p>Levi merely nods. He takes a deep breath as he steps into the dimly-lit platform. </p><p> </p><p>It’s hard to believe that people want to see them actually perform. After shouting their band name, Hange starts with the instrumental riff of <em> Soul Kitchen </em> by The Doors, followed by Mike’s drumming pattern. Levi waits for his cue to start as he sings, his voice low and almost sexy: “ <em> Turn me out and I'll wander baby / Stumblin' in the neon groves… </em>”</p><p> </p><p>The three of them can barely see anything with all the bandages plastered around their faces, but they can hear all the cheers from the crowd, mainly the Survey Scouts whom Erwin had convinced to attend. The song fades towards the end as Mike starts working on a headbanger on the drums and Hange rocking the intro of Disturbed’s <em> Down with the Sickness </em> . Levi growls " <em> Can you feel that? </em>" into the microphone for the chorus and sings the lyrics as if it were his life story. </p><p> </p><p>A high-pitch scream escapes from the females in the audience as if their ovaries have exploded. </p><p> </p><p>He's stunned for a bit. Nevertheless, he keeps on singing. At this point, their newest fans open a mosh pit for them front and center. It immediately fills up, with the audience beginning to bump and push against each other. but the show goes on. The people start joining them on the final chorus, making it seem like salvation is near. </p><p> </p><p>Before they can finish their song, someone yelps in the dark after getting elbowed—”Motherfucking posers!” There’s a deafening roar from the crowd. The next thing they know they hear the sound of a beer bottle getting smashed on someone’s head. A chair is thrown at them, and it smashes the amplifier onstage. The cracking of knuckles followed by some punching and yelling tells them that something's wrong. </p><p> </p><p>A bar fight has ensued. </p><p> </p><p>They rip off the bandages from their faces to see what's happening. The moment they descend the stage, someone almost knocks Levi down if not for him swiftly kicking the person to the floor. Mike eventually gets caught up in the commotion, elbowing anyone who stands in his way. Levi starts pushing into the throng of people in a panic. Ducking low, Hange tells him, "I don't know what's worse, a riot or a fire breaking out.”</p><p> </p><p>That gives him an idea.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, he runs to the spot where he saw it before the performance. Running his hands along the surface, Levi finally spots a small red box mounted on the wall, the letters white and bold: <em> Pull In Case Of Fire </em>. Without hesitating, he yanks down the lever of the manual fire alarm and makes a run for it. The blaring sound begins as the water sprinklers start pouring, and the bargoers start screaming like they have never been born before. He grabs his bandmates as they head for the exit and snarls, "We are so not doing this anymore." People have begun to dart out of the bar as well.</p><p> </p><p>Catching their breaths, Hange and Mike nod back at him. "I agree," says Mike, "My tolerance for embarrassment has reached another threshold." They have finally come to terms that No Name has officially disbanded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Babysitting Fun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi and Hange are forced to babysit for a day on the eve of her birthday.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The exam results are finally returned to them after two weeks of agony in waiting. A lot apparently have failed the exam, based on the way their professor is giving back some papers folded in half. There's more wailing and distress compared to the time when they thought the school was burning down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You ready?” Hange singles him out after class. “One… two… three. Ta-daaaa!" She proudly displays her exam score of 93/100 in front of him. Levi can see it clear as the day. Hange continues, "And I thought it was suspicious when I was shading 10 C's in a row! Ooh, I can't wait for you to buy me that sweet bread at the café!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remember our deal, Four-Eyes,” he tells her. She's still yapping when he unceremoniously takes out his answer sheet for her to see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Bet you can't beat my—huh? No way!" Hange grabs his paper and holds it way too close to her face, as if it would change the ink encircled on top of the sheet: 95/100. She can feel a sweatdrop on her forehead. "Can I just buy you food in installments?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?” He scowls at her pouting face. “You're not getting your way this time."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Levi... it's almost my birthday," she smiles in the most sweet-as-sugar-candy manner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pretends not to care and demands for her part of the bargain. But the bottom line is, she can make up any excuse and Levi will still be good with it. Of course, he’ll take that secret to his grave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She ends up buying him a pack of gummy bears.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Autumn is in full swing with the trees turning all red and orange in the park. It’s getting colder, which explains the abundance of layers in their daily attire. “I hate the cold, it affects my laundry,” Hange says, “I have to wash more clothes than usual.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi gives her a look of disbelief. “You mean, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to wash </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>clothes.” And make them fit inside the goddamn washing machine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re out walking after a long Friday when they bump into Pieck once again, this time in a mall. “Hey, what’s up? Levi and Hange, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And who are those?" Levi pointed to the two runts behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is Gabi,” she nudges the small brunette, “And this is Falco,” she points to the young straw-haired boy who manages a small wave. Pieck explains that the girl is Rainier's cousin while Falco is Gabi’s best friend and that they’re usually with her on certain days. “It’s my sideline for extra income.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Child trafficking?” Levi snorts. “Looks fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pieck rolls her eyes and then puts on a straight face. “Speaking of fun... their parents are away for the weekend. Rainier's got exams—I would have left them with him—and The Titans have band rehearsals and I just don’t want the kids to interrupt...so...I have a favor, even though we're not that close. Bet you could use some money."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What, you want us to babysit?" It was meant to be a joke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, the joke backfires on him. His eyebrows twitch as Pieck nods in all seriousness, followed by Hange clapping her hands in excitement. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking care of two precocious 10-year-olds is a nightmare. It's worse than nursing a hangover or telling a bunch of freshmen misfits to shut the hell up. Thanks to Hange who told Pieck the keyboardist—and occasional babysitter—that he likes kids deep, deep down, Levi has once again been forced to do something he does not want.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pieck drops the two kids off in their apartment first thing in the morning. She promises to pick them up once they’re through with band rehearsals (“Wouldn’t have asked you if I weren’t this desperate!”). Before leaving, she recites a list of what-to-do's and what-not-to-do's. "And remember,” she calls out from her car, “Don't ever give them anything they can use as a weapon. Gabi has a thing for guns and Falco broke his fingernail once with a nutcracker."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Got it. No guns, no nutcrackers." He can do this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he’s alone with the kids, there is an awkward silence in the air. The TV is on but nobody's really watching. He wishes Hange were here but his mad scientist friend had left so early in the morning for him to shoulder the responsibility of babysitting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm hungry." Gabi announces from the couch. Falco's stomach also lets out a small growl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi stands up and walks to the pantry, taking out the snack jar filled with pistachios, macadamias, and cashews.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm allergic to tree nuts." Gabi crosses her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do almonds count?" He's holding a small pack of almond chocolate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nods, arms still folded. Levi throws it back into the shelf.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens the fridge and scans through the different jams and jelly spreads, the bread knife already in his murderous backhand grip. He shoves a jar into Gabi's hands. She shakes her head. "Nuh-uh."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There are no fucking tree nuts in it. It's a goddamn spread."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Coconut jam is made from coconut, which is considered both a fruit </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> a nut.” She pushes the jar back into the table for him to see the nutrition facts. “Can't you read?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Falco adds, "I heard coco jam also makes you fat."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cannot believe that he’s being bossed around by kids. Pre-teens, or brats, to be exact. Exasperated, Levi grabs a bag of bagels and tosses it to the girl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gabi just stares at him like an owl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” He finally snaps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mom says we can't eat these. Bagels aren't exactly gluten-free."</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>For lunch, they're eating ice cream with gummy bears in a cup. Levi is drinking tea to calm himself down. He’s had enough and the day is only halfway done. The two little bitches wouldn’t stop crying when he refused to open the gummy bears that Hange had given to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head quickly turns when Gabi throws her empty cup into the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, pick that up,” he growls. “Trash can’s under the sink.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grunting, the child follows his order. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm bored,” Falco whines, slumping against the couch. “Can we do something?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tosses the remote control to the kid. "There's TV and WiFi. What more could you want?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Falco hesitates. "Video games."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi mutters ‘ungrateful brat’ under his breath when Hange enters, a rectangular box in her hands. "Surprise! I borrowed a board game from a friend."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where have you been?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I just told you, I borrowed a board game from a friend." Hange heads to the dining room to lay out the pieces. Gabi and Falco follow her like ducklings. Apparently, she Googled 'fun things to do with children' and took off with the first item she saw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi sighs, "I suppose reading children's books is not on the list." He can manage storytelling. It's just reciting lines until the little bitches fall asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It is, but I doubt that's their idea of fun."</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, the only thing worse than feeding children ice cream for lunch is playing Monopoly together in the common room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, stop taking my money.” Levi catches Gabi who keeps on swiping a few bank notes whenever she thinks he’s not looking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s one move away from going bankrupt. “But I’m going to end up in debt!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to burst your bubble.” He tugs the paper bills from her hand. “But newsflash, that’s fucking reality.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Levi, calm down," Hange urges him. “They’re just kids.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cusses, his suit of cards already bending in half from his deadly clutch. "How can I fucking 'calm down' when they're playing for greed?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But that's part of the strategy and they're enjoying themselves,” Hange points out. “See, they’re even learning corruption!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They watch Gabi’s shake her hands before letting the dice fall. "I'm buying all your property!" she shouts to Falco who already owns half the board once she drops them. Grabbing a chunk of the small little houses, she moves her token to Atlantic Avenue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Falco starts kicking Gabi’s legs under the table. “That’s not how it goes! Give it back!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said, give it back!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold up, let’s read the instruction manual again…” Hange tries to intervene, flipping through the pages of the booklet. She has just rolled doubles three times in succession. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s already struggling to keep the two children in their seats who are ready to start a rumbling with each other. “Oi, hurry up, Four-Eyes—” Before their friendship is destroyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hah! Jail time!” Hange raises her hands. There's more wailing and crying from the kids, including a verbal sparring between “Your loss!” and “Shut up!” with Gabi pointing finger guns at Falco like a Wild West cowboy and Falco attempting to chomp her fingers off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a swift movement, Gabi takes out a cellphone from her pocket. “I’m dialing 911! You stole my money!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did not!” Falco shouts back. “If you do that, I’ll tell them you threatened to shoot us up!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s hand automatically grabs the phone and hurls it to the couch in the living room. “Nobody’s going to call 911.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange’s eyes are wide open. “Wait, we’re not? I was about to volunteer!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Grouchy old man!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It goes like that for another minute or so (the shouts now including "gun-lover" and "nutcracker") until Levi finally flips the entire Monopoly board in one go, miniature houses falling and fake money flying in the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s it.” He clenches his fists. “We’re going out.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had it not been for the two children running around, the walk to the park would have been a moment of relaxation. Hange notices the freshmen hanging out by the playground and calls out to them. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin are playing in the heaps of dried leaves, pushing each other, and scattering more leaves around. Connie's taking photos and sending them to his parents. Ymir and Historia are holding hands and admiring the fall, watching the squirrels chase each other. It’s a moment of serendipity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other hand, the four of them look like a dysfunctional family in a sitcom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The freshmen notice the children first and invite them to play. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“By all means,” Levi tells them, “You don’t even have to give them back.” He and Hange are in need of a dire break at this point so they let them scoot. The underclassmen eventually commence an invisible laser tag with the kids. There’s a lot of running and jumping around until Gabi shoots Sasha with both fingers. After she pretends to drop dead in Connie’s arms, Eren bursts into fits of laughter. Gabi throws a twig at Eren which hits him right on the head. Meanwhile, Jean is headlocking Falco who's trying to wrestle himself free. When Jean’s not looking, Falco forcibly sinks his incisors into the older boy’s hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Shit! Chew your own hand, asshole!" He curses, nursing the skin where Falco left teeth impressions. The kid's got one hell of a bite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jean," Historia warns, her voice stern. She's ultra protective of children in general, wanting to become a preschool teacher with her degree—nobody tells her it’s a terrible dream. Jean is about to retort when she points to the little bitches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They look down to see the two kids squatting on the ground, clutching their stomachs in pain. Levi rushes to them, concerned. “Oi, what’s the problem?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Falco’s eyes are already watery as Gabi mumbles, “Gotta poop.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s the gummy bears that did the trick. “Have you seen the online reviews of this disgusting product?” Levi asks Hange as they head home, the kids hopping along to hold in the impending disaster. “They’re terrible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think they’re hilarious,” she admits. “At least now we know the reviews are true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the door swings wide, they see their two other roommates making out on the couch. Mike's shirt is already on the floor, his hand groping Nanaba's chest. There’s a lot of tongue involved, as Nanaba tugs Mike’s hair to pull him closer to her. And then she stops, eyes wide open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all freeze like deer caught in the headlights. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the same time, Falco puts a hand over his eyes, while Gabi pretends to retch—"Yuck."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, get a room,” Levi grumbles at the couple, his tone annoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why do you have kids?” Mike straightens himself up as he puts on his shirt. “What are we, a daycare?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They need to use the toilet,” Hange says as Falco beats Gabi to the bathroom. He manages to blow a raspberry before the girl starts banging her hands against the door, shouting. They hear a loud fart erupt from inside. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>After almost an hour of derisive cleaning in the bathroom and replacing the empty toilet paper rolls, they let the kids nap in their apartment. Nanaba and Mike volunteer to stay behind until the children get picked up. Their two roommates then head to Trost Tavern to reserve a spot for Hange’s birthday party. It's only a few blocks away from their place so they can check if anything goes wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange asks if they could stop by the convenience store so she can buy some personal toiletries. “Finally, some peace and quiet,” she says while rummaging through the shelves. She removes her hair tie and puts up her ponytail once again. It’s still messy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t really say that yet. You’re still here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I am that sunshine that you will always need,” she lightly punches his arm. He doesn’t respond to that and pretends he’s deeply interested in the bug repellent aisle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After paying the cashier, Hange almost drops the paper bag once they exit the store. “Shit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi follows the direction of her sight: Falco is crouching behind the huge lottery signicade board that says, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Today Might Be Your Lucky Day</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck are you doing here?” Levi asks the kid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Playing hide-and-seek.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks around and sees Gabi jumping up and down on the public bench by the bus stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if she could sense her friend's impending headache, Nanaba comes running in sight. “Levi, we’ve got a problem,” she calls out to him. “The kids got away while I was counting to ten and—" She stops once she sees the two hiding behind Hange. "Oh, they’re here."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, they are." Levi gnashes his teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Left with no other choice, they end up bringing them to the bar. At first, they tried to convince the children to head back (“Let’s play hide-and-seek once more, but this time, with locked doors!”), however, Gabi kept on clawing at them and Falco wouldn’t stop biting anyone who attempted to touch him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bouncer twitches his eyebrow when they appear by the entrance. "Are you kidding me? They're minors." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So? You let underage freshmen in.” Levi points to Armin, Eren, and Mikasa already inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hesitates for a moment. “That’s different. They have fake IDs with them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll vouch for these kids, Niccolo. They’re the sweetest little devils in the world,” Hange smiles, grabbing Gabi and Falco by the neck, while Levi holds out some cash for their cover fee. “Also, it’s my birthday in a few hours. You can make this your present for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Whatever. Good thing the manager's out for today,” Niccolo tells them, accepting the generous tip. Maybe the bar can be kid-friendly just for one night. “No drinks, alright?” He doesn’t wait for their response. His eyes are already glued to Sasha who just came in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Trost Tavern is like any local bar but instead of yuppies you've got college kids trying to act mature so badly that anyone would rather choose to swallow himself whole. They're wannabe elites brooding over the food, atmosphere, people, and even their own existence. The bar exists in its own glory; they don't. They'll be starving and depressed in the near future. It's the go-big-or-go-home mindset: if you don't fit, then you don't sit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange helps the children up the bar stools. The bartender looks them in the eye with a judging expression; Levi gives him a middle finger, reminding the guy to mind his own damn business. The kids’ attention wanders around the place, staring at the blinking spotlights and listening to the conversation of the other adults. Nanaba tells them they're in an arcade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's all good for half an hour or so until they all freeze once again when Gabi recognizes her cousin barging in, extremely furious. “Uh-oh.” The kids cower underneath the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainier glares at the adults. “What the hell? You brought kids inside a bar?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We got them milkshakes and hotdogs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He begins a long lecture of how babysitting should be done and if Gabi didn’t text him where they were, he would have already called 911 for kidnapping. Finally, after calming down for a bit, Rainier volunteers to bring the two kids home. “I’m going to kick Pieck’s ass once she gets back,” he mutters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'd like to see you try."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They look behind them and see Pieck with Porco and Zeke. Apparently, The Titans have arranged to play a secret gig for the bar tonight. It seems that rock bands are subject to people's tastes and tastes vary depending on the type of people. For example, shitty people like good music. Like Childish Gambino. Or Kanye. Or Drake. Or any musician high on drugs. And of course, nice people like shitty music. One can tell how horrible they are from afar just by watching how they listen to their music in a bar. Fat wallets, bad ventilation, and a half-hour wasted looking for space in a tightly-filled spot. It sets apart people who listen from those who don't. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the band is already onstage, Gabi and Falco dance to the rhythm of the music. Eventually they climb up the platform and join the performance as they badly sing the wrong lyrics to Backstreets Boys’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tell Me Why</span>
  </em>
  <span>:  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tummy why? / Ain’t nothin’ but a fart, hey / Tummy why? / Ain’t nothin’ but a milk steak…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” There is laughter in the audience as they applaud the kids for their light evening entertainment. Once they’re done, the two children race back to Rainier who carries them both under his arms each. He finally announces that they’re going home and this time, for real. Hange says goodbye to Gabi and Falco who are already yawning, their energy finally depleted. They have a lot to tell their other friends about the day’s events. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, thanks for babysitting, by the way. I know they can be too much.” Pieck comes to their table after the final song. “Must be a learning experience, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just… don’t ever leave them with us, ever again.” Levi takes a swig from his beer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The clock behind the counter shows that it’s already 10 pm. They’re finally free to enjoy the night. Hange springs up from behind him, a huge mug in her hand. “I think I’ve warranted enough today to earn myself this drink.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi lets her be. The kids are already gone so he thinks to himself, how bad can it get?</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The crowd starts chanting her name repeatedly as she chugs down her nth drink. Pitbull’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Give Me Everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> is playing on the booming speakers. Indeed, </span>
  <span>Hange’s ready to give everything tonight.</span>
  <span> Completely wasted, she starts dancing on top of the counter, swaying her hips and putting her hands up in the air. Levi can barely see her, only glimpses of her profile as the strobe lights start flashing in the dark. Nanaba and Mike are swaying to the music from their seats, and even Erwin is there, bopping his head to the rhythm as he downs a shot of vodka. </span>
  <span>“You better go get her, Levi,” Erwin chuckles, his shot glass already empty but still wanting more. “Hange’s not going to remember any of this tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without further delay, he walks up to the counter where their friend is dancing on top. Hange immediately sees him. “Rib-eye, curm urp herm</span>
  <span>—”</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her foot slips off the edge and Levi catches her the moment she loses her balance. “Alright, that’s enough for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tugs his hand and twirls herself around. “Relanx, wurn mur drenk,” she pinches his cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” He slings her arm around his neck, leaving her empty mug by the counter, and drags her away. After dealing with two children all day, he now has to take care of her tonight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The crowd inside the bar has doubled in attendance, and the air has become too suffocating for him. He pushes among the people until he finally sees the exit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They're already out of the bar when Hange finally remembers the language of the masses. “What... did I miss?” She’s still swaying on every walk. The air is cold and shivering, and Levi is thankful that Nanaba reminded them to take their coats before leaving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not much,” Levi explains, “Eren kept telling people that he will form a band next year with Mikasa and Armin. He said their band will be called The Attackers. That, and the Marley kids are kinda cool. But I still hate that bearded monkey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stumbles once again. </span>
  <span>“Awesome.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes her arm and motions her to go behind him as he bends his knees for her to hop on to his back. “Come on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’re about to judo throw me.” Nevertheless, </span>
  <span>she gets the hint and wraps her arms around his neck, careful enough not to constrict his breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After securing her legs by his waist, he tries to shift her position for the piggyback ride so he can distribute her weight on his body. The times he has spent working out have finally come into fruition. “Well, you’re not exactly light</span>
  <span>—” He grunts and then freezes as she tightens her hold around him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really take babysitting to the next level,” she chuckles weakly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can't be helped."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Levi, you really are the grumpiest... moodiest... most angst-filled person I’ve ever met.” Hange’s words are already slurring but still audible in Levi’s ears. “But, you are strong... and kind... and sweet... and my best friend.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They rest on a public bench every now and then before resuming his physical calvary. </span>
  <span>Looking at the nighttime sky, he breathes into the air, “Happy birthday, Hange.” He can feel his collar getting wet. Thinking she’s crying, Levi looks over, only to hear a loud snore coming from the girl slumped on his shoulder. When he sees her drooling on his shirt, Levi judo throws her swiftly into the ground. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Shenanigans United</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi and Hange try to understand a troubled Eren. They end up bullying a bully amid a much-awaited sports game between Eldia and Marley.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’re coming to the game, right? It's going to be wild!” Petra exclaims to Levi, waving the tickets that she got after waiting at the booth for three hours. “It’s not every day we get to play against the Warriors.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi is finishing his homework at the cafeteria because the library is packed. Everyone happens to be cramming a lot of stuff lately so they can all watch the game this week. “Where is it again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At the Shiganshina Coliseum. It’s not too far from school,” Petra tells Levi as she hands him one of the tickets. “We should be able to go right after lunch.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The University Athletic Association has scheduled the much-awaited rivalry match between the Marleyan Warriors and the Eldian Hunters for this Friday. Marley’s a rich-kid school, with all their fancy uniforms, posh accents, and all, which is why Eldia hates them with a burning passion when it comes to sports. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The students there are so wealthy that if you were to leave your phone, laptop, and umbrella unattended, chances are, only your umbrella is going to get stolen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not cutting class just to watch a game.” He proceeds to the next page of his problem set. Levi solely believes that cuts should be used wisely. One time he chose not to attend the lecture on Hydraulics, he had to finish his Operations Research paper at a bar with a faster WiFi. “The Trost Tavern always tunes in to the live telecast, anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But this will be different! If we go there in person, we get to buy the merchandise, cheer with those cute finger foams, and support the players. Eld, Gunther, and Oluo will definitely appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has forgotten about that. Apparently, aside from being Survey Scouts, those three are also student-athletes, occasionally representing their university team for interschool matches. They’ve been working themselves to the bone lately and Petra, much to her annoyance, has been carrying the load that they passed on to her for the club. She’s their cheerleader and their biggest fan, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll consider,” Levi says. “The trash-talking is the one I’m looking forward to. The backs of those three</span>
  <span> must probably be hurting by now from carrying the entire team.</span>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Petra blows a strand of hair from her face. “So much for the school spirit.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are not expecting visitors so late when there's a sharp knock on their door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can we talk to you? It's about Eren," Armin confesses. It’s almost midnight, and he and Mikasa are right outside their apartment. When Nanaba lets them into the common room, Armin proceeds to tell them that their friend has been acting strange lately, always in a daze. “We think he’s going through a phase. He keeps on saying he's feeling like 'ten, twelve feet high and bulletproof.'” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not the slightest fazed, Levi crosses his arms. “That’s puberty for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s pretty late, isn’t it?” Hange looks at him curiously. She’s thinking of acne, body hair, voice cracks, and of course, wet dreams.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi is not in the mood to explain, so he lets Mikasa continue by telling them that Eren keeps on avoiding her and Armin, as well as their other friends, often choosing to be alone and leaving the classroom once the lecture has ended. He's never been like this, ever, thinks Mikasa, since Eren has always been one to hang out with them regardless of his disposition. After telling everything she knows, she scans the room for their expressions. The four roommates are livid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We can't just let him on his own, can we?" Nanaba looks at them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike asks, "Why not? Delayed adolescence will be a learning experience for him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You can't just expect everyone to pull themselves together when they're already in a pile of shit," Levi tells him. Besides, they're all part of the same club, after all. Even though they don't know much about the freshmen, it's their responsibility as the upperclassmen to keep an eye on them since they took them under their wing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, what now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are still pondering about what needs to be done when Levi finally speaks, “We’ll see what we can do. Something that doesn’t involve kicking him in the gut.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>A prayer circle was definitely not the first thing in their mind. Mike, apparently being a firm believer of faith (which is totally unexpected coming from him), has convinced them to tell the campus minister, Pastor Nick, about it. "Faith and prayers heal depression, you guys," he smiles at his friends who are in utter surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re waiting for the punchline, but it doesn’t arrive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The minister agrees to speak with their friend if they agree to accompany Eren. “I take it you’re asking for divine intervention for his peace of mind?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually,” Hange clasps her hands together as if in prayer and forces a smile, “It’s for our peace of mind.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they attend the prayer meeting, Pastor Nick asks them to gather together in the center first with the other students. The room is plain, its walls a stark white, save for the grey plastic folding chairs forming a circle. Mikasa and Armin are unfazed as the minister starts chanting a hymnal praise, inviting them to join when he gives them the church songbook. Eren is just standing there trying hard not to laugh, wondering how humanity ever survived all these boring rituals. The song gets to the chorus "Praise to the Heavens Above," and the voices drone on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Hange starts singing off-key, Levi whacks her on the head with the songbook.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ow! What was that for?” She hisses, rubbing the back of her head. He had to do it to keep her from destroying everyone’s eardrums. Pastor Nick eyes them both but says nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, Eren bursts out laughing like a hyena. He then catches himself, snorting and apologizing with his teeth tuck inside his lip like a donkey's.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The entire thing is pathetic, Levi thinks; if they want to help out Eren, they have to figure out the main root of the problem, not involve themselves in some shitty spiritual remediation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can tell that the boy doesn't want to be here as much as Mikasa and Armin. Nevertheless, he agrees to cooperate when Pastor Nick asks him to start talking about what’s bothering him. Joining them are other students whom they do not know; devout kids who gather together on a weekly basis to talk about religion and stuff. The boy looks around the room first, worried and quivering when he speaks, "Hi, my name is Eren."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The entire group goes "Hi, Eren." They sound like a dying horse, their voices dragging, bored, and definitely not helping. Levi just wants to disappear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uhm, my father wanted me to be a doctor but now he wants me to enter the military to cancel my student debt." Eren laughs at the absurdity of the situation and then continues, "My mom is against it. She'd rather have me accumulate the interest. So now, I don’t know what to do with all the tuition bills coming in..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pastor Nick sympathizes with him, “I’m sorry to hear that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Eren bites his lower lip, trying his best not to cry but ends up whimpering and gasping for air, as if his head is underwater. "Oh no… I'm so-sorry… m-my family... my tears w-won't stop…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's okay. Breathe, Eren, breathe,” Pastor Nick keeps on urging him as Mikasa repeatedly rubs Eren’s back while Armin is uselessly fanning his friend with his hands. The minister holds up his hands once again. “Let Ymir, Our Most Venerated Mother, lighten up your weary heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi snorts, not buying any of this, but Pastor Nick once again pretends the annoying midget wasn’t present in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange whispers to Levi, “Do you think he has daddy issues or an Oedipus complex?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He does not respond to that. Levi can feel his eyes getting heavy from sleep. It’s these long-ass ceremonies that make him drowsy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pastor Nick starts with another prayer, mentioning to them to hold hands in a circle while sitting. He explains that he will be asking for guidance from the goddesses Rose, Sina, and Maria, as well as from their mother, Ymir.  Then he continues with a scripture reading from a small black book.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point, Levi’s head is now lolling, no longer able to fight the sleepiness, the sounds around him hushing as if he were in a dream. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Out of nowhere, Hange slaps him on the face. It echoes throughout the room and everyone stops what they’re doing. Levi jolts up right away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that for?” He rubs his left cheek to ease the sting. It’s as red as a tomato.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange puts her hands on her hips. “Payback.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s about to whack her with the songbook the second time when Pastor Nick speaks, “You two,” he points at them, “For the love of the world, leave.”  </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them were more than thankful to have been dismissed from the prayer meeting. They regretted being there in the first place anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange orders some mocha frappe for her afternoon classes and almost flips when the newest barista-in-training misspells her name. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You have to be more specific if you want them to get your name right," Levi tells her as he picks up the black tea he has ordered. It's too bitter for his taste, the barista having steeped it for too long. A complete waste of his money. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My name's not that uncommon."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you spell it out in the first place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I told her it's ‘Angie’ with an ‘h,’" she pauses and takes a sip from her drink. "The barista wrote down ‘Angeh.’"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They can hear the cheerleading squad prepping the entire student body for the upcoming match, rallying them to attend and support the university team in person. Lunch break goes by as usual, with Hange cramming her lab reports and Levi reading his study notes while eating, which is why they are not expecting it when Nanaba comes up to them. "You guys, I learned something about Eren."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hitch and Marlowe, two sophomores, have told Nanaba everything after she overheard them talking about Eren. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Apparently he’s being bullied by this person named Djel Sannes," Nanaba retells what she has heard from the sophomores. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This guy keeps on cornering him for money. Levi and Hange can imagine poor, scared Eren defenseless and unable to fight back for fear of retaliation.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nanaba finishes her story. “We need to catch him in the act and report him to the authorities.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No," Levi objects, catching the two girls off-guard. "We’re going to give him a taste of his own medicine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba’s lips quiver nervously. She knows Levi is always true to his words, his protective instinct heightened at its peak when someone is in danger. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Knowing you, Levi, there’s a high chance of bamboozling that will occur.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one is going to get bamboozled,” Levi tells her. “And you don’t have to come if you’re not up for it. Hange and I will make sure he doesn’t come near Eren again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we will?” Hange asks incredulously. “I am so in!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Defeated and resigned, Nanaba then turns around and leaves, hoping to the heavens above that her friends who are prone to bamboozle others are indeed in their right minds. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their afternoon classes went by so fast, with their minds completely focused on how they make this big-ass bully pay back for threatening Eren. Marlowe and Hitch gave Sannes’ address to Nanaba who in turn passed it on to them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, please, please don’t do something atrocious,” Nanaba texts him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can imagine her biting her nails in worry so he simply replies with “K.” He and Hange will just give this guy some spiritual healing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before heading to where this Djel Sannes is, the two of them head to the grocery store to buy three dozen eggs. The girl at the cashier eyes them suspiciously on why they needed that many. They look like either they were about to raise a chicken farm or they’re ready to offer eggs to the goddesses in desperation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, this brings back memories,” Hange chuckles as they load the egg cartons in the backseat of her car. “I remember the time I chucked eggs at the people who bullied me in high school for wearing braces."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Braces?" Levi is secretly amused. "Like the one in the mouth or the one for your back?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Does it matter? I had both."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's hideous. I would have chucked eggs at you, too." </span>
  <span>Although the cute image of a younger Hange with a metal mouth and in a body frame seems to appear in his mind, he swats the vision away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Djel Sannes also lives off-campus like they do, but unlike them he's staying with his parents, which makes him a sheltered brat. His family resides in a rich area with all the fancy houses and huge lawns surrounded by fences. The neighborhood is surprisingly quiet, as if waiting for a crime to happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe we could be great parents someday,” Hange sips her iced coffee behind the wheel. Levi almost chokes at the statement. They are parked in an alley opposite Djel Sannes’ house (Hange had to attempt to fit her Toyota Prius several times in the narrow space), waiting for him to come home. “...bathing, feeding, taking care of children, and making sure no harm comes to them by pouncing on their bullies. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe we’ll make the world a better place without that imagination of yours." He looks away and pretends not to care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange rolls her eyes and slumps back on her seat. There's some stillness in the cold air wafting through the rolled-down window. Levi snugs into his winter coat tighter around himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sky is already jet black by the time Sannes arrives. After three hours of waiting, they finally hear a car revv into the front of the house, prompting the two to prepare themselves as they hide in proximity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ready?" He whispers to Hange after putting on a pair of shades and a beanie for his disguise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange puts on hers. "You bet." She looks like a Funko Pop version of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where’s Waldo?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything is dark because of the tint in his sunglasses, but he can distinguish Hange’s outline. Quietly, they climb out of the car and hide behind a dumpster, having to hold their breath and swat flies every now and then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Djel Sannes comes out of his car, and heads for the front door. From what Levi can tell from a distance, he’s a tall guy with beady eyes and a gaunt face—the image of a bully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They wait, with bated breath, crouching low, hair prickling at the back of their neck, and senses on high alert as ever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Sannes is about to shove the keys into the lock, humming a tune to himself, something flies up in the air like an angry bird.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then it lands with a loud splat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sannes stops humming. “What the—?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hange! I told you to fucking wait,” Levi hisses, an egg still in his palm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His amazing friend just threw an egg on the windshield of Sannes' car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had one job. "You told me until he reaches for his key!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He's fighting the urge to wrangle her neck. "I told you until I count to three." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are worse things that are currently on his mind, now that they have given away their presence and location, thanks to Hange. It's time for their back-up plan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey! I know you're out there…" Sannes shouts into the void. He's attempting to go into a weird judo stance, waving his hands around himself like a constipated octopus or an imposter of Bruce Lee. "Come out, you coward…" His voice trembles upon the last word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Getting up from behind the dumpster, Levi prepares himself for a fight as he hears the crunching sound of footsteps getting louder and louder. In one swift motion, Levi throws the egg onto the taller guy’s face as a diversion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the poor guy yelps, Levi takes this as the opportunity to knock Sannes to the ground and wring his hands behind his back. "Speak. Why do you keep on harassing Eren Yeager?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ack! What?" The egg yolk is running down his face. "I di</span>
  <span>dn't—no—you got it all wrong!" He tries to wriggle himself free but it's futile to resist Levi's iron grip. "Let me go and I'll tell you!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi puts more force into the man’s wrists. "Not until you explain."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man wipes his yolk-drenched face with his shoulder. "Eren is the menace here!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The fuck are you talking about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's the one causing trouble! I swear! I'm just doing my regular routine, selling my stuff and all..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he can explain, the lights inside the house flicker on. With Levi's attention diverted, Sannes wrenches himself free from the midget’s clutches.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is about to deal a blow on Levi but gets distracted when Hange splats another egg into his face. "Hah! Take that!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi then grabs her as the two of them then scamper to the car and head off, knocking down the entire dumpster and almost running over a cat. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange is flooring the gas, trying to evade anyone and anything on their way. Levi keeps looking back, checking to make sure no one’s on their tail. "Don't head home, someone might be following us!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Panicking, Hange keeps on swerving through the highway as if she has no idea where else to go. They're driving at 85 mph at this point, her car tires screeching and smoke belching. "So where to?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The bridge over the river," Levi tells her. "There's a spot right by it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She follows his suggestion, speeding through trucks and numerous cars. They eventually reach a secluded area with bushes around them. Once she finally parks near the muddy banks, Hange takes a deep breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she breaks into laughter, her head tipping backwards in glee. The melody of it is enough to heat up Levi’s cheeks. There’s so much relief in it that he could probably just listen to it forever and forget that they have just bullied a bully who’s probably going to bully them back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was fun!" Her big brown eyes gaze back at Levi's cool gray ones. "We looked like partners in crime!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s not what he was gunning for. He just wanted to scare the guy a bit. But there was something about Sannes that he wanted to believe in; people under a state of mental pressure don’t lie. "Well how do you think about being on the run? 'Cause he might be telling us the truth."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What, about Eren being the bad guy?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Seems believable to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rubs her temples. "I don't wanna think. I just wanna drink. Luckily we brought some booze here with us." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To prove her point, Hange opens the glove compartment, takes out two nips of whiskey that she stashes there, and hands one to Levi. "Cheers to you and me against the world."</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They fall asleep beside each other inside the car. It's morning, which means they are fucking screwed. Levi has his face slumped against the side window which he rolled down before sleeping. Hange has herself stretched across the front, her head on his lap, drool dribbling down her chin as always.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks peaceful, every bit of beautiful, even with her messy hair covering a part of her face. Brushing the strands away, he starts gently shaking her. "Oi, Four-Eyes, wake up. We should go."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange wakes up after a while and wipes her chin instinctively. She cracks her back, feeling the discomfort of sleeping in that position for hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After making sure they're both completely sober and Hange is good to drive, they head straight to school and sprint for their classes. Two people are waiting for them by the corridor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Where have you been?" Nanaba rages like a mother hen, storming towards them with Mike right behind her. "We've been worried sick!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Apparently, she and Mike have left them 23 text messages and 18 missed calls combined.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi looks around, stunned. "Where are the students?" The campus is mostly deserted, as if everyone has also decided to make a run for their lives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a university-wide free cut," Nanaba explains. "Most of the professors have let their students leave early so they can watch the game. Even Erwin has done so and he doesn't even like basketball.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re in the Shiganshina Coliseum watching from the general admission seats. Levi would have opted out, but Hange dragged his ass all the way to the car. The tickets were almost sold out and they had to fight some people by the ticket booth who were scalping the desperate ones at absurd prices. Eventually, Nanaba, Hange, and Mike were able to get some off-priced ones. It’s a poor view from where they're sitting, but thanks to the huge screen hovering in the middle of the arena, there's not much to complain about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go Warriors!” Half of the crowd cheers, stomping their feet, as their players come into view together with the Warrior Hawk mascot holding out their flag. The Marleyan students are all-out wearing their school uniforms, brandishing their LED banners, several pompoms, and huge plastic megaphones. There’s even a gigantic poster of their star player with his face on it. Their ostentatious paraphernalia makes the Eldians pale in comparison with their DIY flags and cardboard signs. It’s nice to be reminded of how poor they are once in a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Petra texts him her location, he eventually spots her in the box opposite theirs, screaming from the top of her lungs and throwing her fist into the air: “Dedicate yourselves!” Historia is right beside her, also in her cheerleading uniform, shouting, “Dedicate your hearts!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi is not in the mood to join them for the school chant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few minutes more and then the Hunter Eagle mascot comes running from the dugout, flapping its wings and trying to claw at the Warrior Hawk. Finally, the players from Eldia are being called one by one, giving high fives to the coaches and waving at their fans. Petra shrieks when Oluo, Eld, and Gunther are called. Levi recognizes one of the freshmen rookies as Bertholdt Hoover. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they see the referee position himself on the court, they know that the trash-talking is about to commence. Levi reminds them, "Now's a good time to leave if you can't handle the bullshit sprouting from both teams." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hear a whistle that signals the start of the game and the entire arena roars. The battlecry has begun. Even Pastor Nick is there, praying hard from his VIP seat. Meanwhile, Erwin is right beside his freshmen students, grading their papers, totally not interested in the sport. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rally goes on for a while and Eldia misses their first attempt. “Go Hunters!” Hange shouts, running high on coffee. She hears some laughter from the Marleyan crowd. "Wow, I could get used to this!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A groan escapes the Marleyans when one of their players makes an error. "Oh come on, Calvis! What was that play all about?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba is banging her fists on the seat in front of her. "That's a foul! Why didn't they give him a penalty? This is fucking bullshit!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi scoffs, "Maybe you can replace the referee."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Eldian team makes a comeback and the other half of the arena cheers. Someone's making analytical comments in the background. It’s Mike. “All the holes in the game even though the odds are 5 to 1! He could have made that pass to Jinn before Grice got to him. He had an 85% chance! And shit, Bozado got intercepted!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange attempts to join him. "Yeah, Gunther, grab the ball and throw that thing to the other side!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sit down," someone from the Marleyan crowd shouts. "You don't even know the rules!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi hides his face in his palms. There's another shrill sound of a whistle. The referee calls for a violation. "What, again?” Mike whines. “Let the fucking players play!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It goes like that for the first ten minutes with Eldia leading. And then Levi’s attention gets focused somewhere else when he sees a familiar face in the crowd in the box to his right. It’s Sannes. He passes by a row where the freshmen are, obviously looking for a particular person.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hange,” Levi taps her back. “I need you to tail Eren when you see him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Huh? Why?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Something's not right."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks at him with a worried face for a few seconds before shrugging her shoulders. "Whatever you say.” Her attention is back to the game. “That's it, Schultz! That's the fighting spirit!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The commentators keep on describing how terrible of a play it was. “Oh, what a layup! And now Hoover makes a dunk!” Then right after that, Marley grabs the ball and proceeds to pass by all the defenses, earning themselves another point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hah! Take that, Eldia!” Another Marleyan fan yells. Beer cups are being thrown into the air. “Imagine having a stupid bird for a mascot!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange shouts back, “Hey, our bird is bigger than yours!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi grabs her by the back of her shirt. "Oi, stop yelling and whooping. You're bashing them."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's psychological warfare! Helps build camaraderie."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but as you may have noticed, we're on the side of the enemy."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that’s when all of them realize one thing: they’re sitting on the side of the enemy which makes them vulnerable targets for trash-talking. No wonder that bastard at the front sold them the tickets at a much lower price. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's half-time and he hears the cheering squad lead their school as he heads for a bathroom break. The Coliseum is huge, housing multiple venues for sports competitions. When he was still in high school, Levi and Furlan once watched Isabel compete in swimming for the junior nationals. However, he still hates the food being sold by the vendors here because for some reason the smell of hotdog franks and popcorn keeps on clinging to his shirt. There's a lot of vandalism in the restroom that unsettles Levi but he doesn't know which one is more annoying: "The hope of the future is in your hands," or "If your team can aim for a spot, then so can you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone vibrates from his pocket. It’s a call from Hange. "Levi! Someone's following you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can hear the cheering commence in the background. "Hange, what do you mean…?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Be careful! He's—" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi hangs up the call. Two men are waiting for him right by the door. It’s Sannes. And he’s with a pal of his, most likely his bodyguard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello to you,” Sannes growls with a devilish smile. “Thanks for riling me up last night, you fuckin' midget. Too bad your disguise couldn't do anything about your height." He comes closer to Levi and realizes something. "Didn’t you just wear the same clothes yesterday?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi glances down at his egg-stained shirt. "Yeah, we ran out of things to wear."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Poor you. Well, tell you what, my friend Ralph here and I will let you go… if and only if, you help us get that Yeager kid. You see, he owes us a lot of friggin’ money for his addiction, and we just want him to pay for it… you know how these friggin’ idiots are, right? They never stop yapping and keep on asking and asking...”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Levi’s thoughts are already distracted when he notices a kid wearing a fez behind the two of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the little boy swipes something from Sannes' back pocket, Levi knocks out Sannes and Ralph with a kick so he can sprint after the kid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Aw man, let us out!" They start banging at the door but Levi has already jammed the lock to the bathroom. He catches up and picks the brat up like a hog. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me go, please!" The boy wails, trying to free himself from Levi’s iron grip. He looks no older than ten. “I just want my falafel sandwich!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Shut up, I'm trying to save you!" He has no idea what the context behind the falafel sandwich is. But he knows what the kid just took from Sannes. And he’s not liking it one bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Together, they barge into one of the lower box seats and then back out quickly when he sees all the fans. Running once more, they bump into the two mascots clawing at each other along the corridor, using their schools’ flag poles as wooden lances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Marleyan Hawk is pissed. “Hey, watch where you're going, asshole!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Wait, Levi? Ramzi?” The guy in the Eldian mascot takes off his humongous Eagle head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Eren. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, he looks more disheveled than before. He hasn’t shaved in a while, which explains the beard and the moustache, and he smells like he hasn’t showered for days way more than Hange ever did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi clicks his tongue. "You look like you fell into a pile of shit, Eren."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, well, I’ve had worse,” Eren scoffs and then he faces the kid, holding out a hand while gripping his flap pole tightly on the other. “Ramzi, you got the coke, right?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little boy is now visibly upset. “Where’s my falafel? You promised you’d give it back!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, your chickpeas? I’ll give that to you when you give me that stuff I asked you to get.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kid hesitates, the small pouch in his hand behind his back. “This isn’t even Coke! I’ve never seen Coca-Cola in powder form!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oi, Eren, what did you do this time?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ramzi looks up at Levi, eyes watery and large as a puppy’s. “He took my falafels as blackmail.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that's when Levi realizes something. He moves in front of Ramzi, protecting the child from Eren. “This kid’s not giving you anything, dopehead. He’s not going to be your fucking drug mule—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone jabs Levi right in the stomach with a flag pole as if he were a battering ram. Levi flew back five feet away, sliding into the cold floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t speak to my brother like that,” Zeke spats, revealing his face underneath his Marleyan Hawk costume.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ramzi, in a panic, goes to Levi to help him out. Eren’s laughter is now shaky, his eyes red by the rim. Levi should have noticed the signs before. He can't believe that he's done so much shit from taking him to a priest to bullying a bully. And then this freshman ends up becoming a bully himself, together with his dopehead of a brother. They should have just exorcised him right from the very start. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can’t help it,” Eren says, coming up to him. “I just wanna feel like I'm on top of the world all the time!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Groaning, Levi nuzzles the throbbing pain in his stomach while kneeling and holding out a hand to shield Ramzi. "Yeah, well that's what you get for getting high. Sannes was your dealer, wasn’t it? And now you can't even pay him. So you start stealing while in hiding—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zeke pokes him hard with the flag pole right in the chest, making Levi stagger back. “And your point is? What are you go</span>
  <span>nna do about it?” He says coolly, pointing the wooden stick to Levi’s face. He’s about to strike once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eren makes a speech. “This world is fucking stupid, and my brain keeps telling me that I am better off than everyone else, so you can’t boss me around just like that—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His sentence gets cut off with a splat. Something runny and sticky hits him on the face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What in the—?” Before Zeke can crane his neck, he also gets splattered by the same stuff, dropping the flag pole in surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi looks up to see who saved him. “Thank fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ramzi follows the direction of his sight and see Hange, Mike, and Nanaba on the upper box, the egg cartons in their hands. “I knew these eggs would be useful!” Hange grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba puts a hand on her hip, her eyes glaring at Eren. “That’s not how you treat your seniors.” Mike snobbishly nods in approval.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zeke then roars out in anger to attack Levi and the boy but not before the three seniors hurl more eggs at him. Wiping the egg yolk from his face, Eren cusses just in time for Sannes and Ralph to come running in, having escaped from the bathroom. “There you are, you son of a gun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ralph, Sannes’ bodyguard heads over to Ramzi and instantly pries the pouch from his tiny hands. “I’ll take that back, thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi lets them and carries Ramzi to join Hange, Nanaba, and Mike. They watch down below as the two men are headlocking Eren and Zeke when they start shrieking, flapping their useless bird wings, their costumes now stained and filthy. The scuffle has finally begun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what are we going to do? We can’t just let them brawl at each other right here.” Nanaba calls out to him. They can hear the chants go “Let’s—go—Marley—let’s—go! Clap—clap!” in the background. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, I’m trying to think—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just then, cops barge into the coliseum, and head towards them. “Alright, so who called 911?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all freeze as Ramzi puts his hand up nervously, a phone in the other. "I d-did, Mr. P-Police Officers." He then points out to Eren, Zeke, Sannes, and Ralph. “Those guys took my falafel sandwich in exchange for their Coke.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Unordinary Crime Scene</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang celebrates Halloween and Levi has to deal with women on their period.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>People have this idea that October is cute and fun, with Halloween right around the corner, and college kids end up spending an entire month looking for silly costumes to wear. They also dream of baking sweet potato pies and ordering pumpkin spice lattes</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>which taste like bland squash hyped by Jack Skellington</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>just to be in trend with the season. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other hand, the Survey Scouts think it’s the perfect month to have an upcoming expedition. Erwin has already approved it as their club adviser, noting the several urban legends that they can look into as they venture around campus after school hours</span>
  <span>. It’s </span>
  <span>a dismal horror story waiting to happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With this, the Special Operations Squad has come up with the expedition’s name called</span>
  <em>
    <span> Hocus Pocus Hoo-Haa! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, Levi has taken no part in brainstorming the stupid title. "Seriously, why would people pay just to shit in their pants for a thrill?" He has just spent the previous half hour listening to his team discuss the haunted tours, which apparently will be the theme of the said expedition. Oluo has suggested frightening students around campus at night with urban legends, scary props, costumes, and all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I don't know, Levi," Petra says sarcastically, "Why would you pay for beer when life fucks you over?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lets her win this time. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even their apartment has become festive with the Halloween decorations, much to his dismay. It’s too kitschy for Levi’s taste, but Nanaba, being creative and artistic, has already adorned the main door with a bat on a wreath, making it look like Batman has been forced to come home for Christmas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trick-or-treat!” It’s Hange in a sing-song voice after knocking on their apartment door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up. No one’s here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Disheartened, Hange opens the door with her keys. Once she's inside, she comes up to him in the kitchen, pretending to be offended. “Levi, why do you have to be so mean? Weren’t you a kid who wanted candies, too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has just finished his dinner together with Mike. “When I was a brat, Hange, what my uncle dumped in my pumpkin bucket were empty peanut shells and cigarette butts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You must have had a splendid childhood, then.” Hange says, heading to her bedroom. And then she remembers something. “By the way, a parcel just arrived in the mail for you. It's right by the door.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has not been expecting to receive a care package from Kenny. In fact, Levi doesn't expect anything from him at all. Maybe except getting thrown in jail.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Your mom wanted me to make sure you're stocked up with essentials. Kuchel would skin me alive if I don’t.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>With Mike looking over his shoulder, Levi reads the note right before where Kenny signed his name. His eyebrows furrow at the post-script: ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>P.S. Protect yourself, shrimp.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Protect himself how? From whom? With what?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After opening the box in the common room, he peers inside to see two dozens of cup noodles, five bags of Doritos, and an entire set of low-quality tea leaves. Nice of his gangster uncle to know the kind of stuff that he abhors. And then once he reaches the very bottom of the package, Levi stops, his eyes widening at the very last item</span>
  <span>: </span>
  <span>a box of condoms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi roars Kenny’s name in fury as it echoes throughout their apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your uncle seems pretty cool," Hange comments, coming out of her room, and</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>after seeing Levi’s dangerous dagger eyes</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>adds, “Just saying. Gangsters will still be gangsters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So that’s what he meant with the post-script,” Mike infers, holding the exquisite item. “This is certainly an upgrade from your childhood treats.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves them with the box and heads for his bedroom before they can ask: “Do you even know how to use this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi slams the door shut.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you think?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two towering yellow bananas</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>Mike and Nanaba, to be exact</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>are standing right in front of him. Their costumes have just been delivered after ordering it online. Levi knows the reference of their attire, but he still doesn’t understand why kids</span>
  <span>—adults</span>
  <span>, in this case</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>dig a pair of fruits dressed in blue striped sleepwear. It fits them since they both have the height that no one else has (he would be mistaken for a minion if he were to try it on), but it also looks ridiculous since their eyes are right where the mouth is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’ve been swallowed by a pair of condoms.” He's still mad about the prank that his gangster uncle has pulled on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, don’t you ever have anything positive to say?” Nanaba spats. Her glare could dissolve any solid matter. She would have thrown something at him had her arms not been cramped inside the suffocating Bananas-in-Pajamas costumes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi has meant it to be a joke, as always, but it seems that his dark humor is not welcome this time around. Nanaba would usually laugh it out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teetering in his attire, Mike moves over to her side and tries to calm her down. “Hey, that was funny. We do look like condoms.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Annoyed at both men, Nanaba groans and mutters something like ‘stupid boring people’ before heading back to their bedroom to get changed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange, having witnessed the entire scene, is slouching by the armchair, reading her textbook as if it were a bedtime story. “What’s your Halloween costume, Levi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A stressed college student.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks up after flipping a page. “That’s no fun."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then I'll just bring my mop and pretend to be a janitor who’s tired of dealing with shit."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me rent you something from the store!” She closes her textbook and jumps up, excited at the idea. “Maybe we can be ketchup and mustard, or a pair of chickens! Oh my god, that would be so</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What's that smell?" Mike’s nose wrinkles. There's an overpowering scent of rust in the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know?" Hange bends over to check for trash underneath the furniture. Mike follows her actions, only to accidentally bang his banana head against the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Levi sees it. “Oi, Four-Eyes, you’re bleeding.” He’s trying not to show his disgust deep inside. He’s familiar with the concept behind women’s periods, but he doesn’t understand how someone could not sense it when it’s that time of the month. And then he remembers this is Hange he’s talking about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cranes her head to see the back of her pants. “Ah. No wonder something’s fishy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go take a bath.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t need telling from him. Immediately, she runs the faucet in the bathroom and shuts herself behind the door. And then, after a few seconds, she calls out his name and asks him, “Can you hand me a tampon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck would I</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, Levi, just fucking do it!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What does a tampon look like?” And he means it; he knows what it’s for, but he’s never seen one his whole life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Hange describes it to him (“It’s a plug to stop the flow, dammit!”), he goes to her room and looks for one, terrified at the prospect if he refuses to do so. In one night, he just pissed off the two females in their apartment. What is it with women and their sudden mood swings, anyway? The critters in her jars do not have the answer. Hange finally loses her entire cool when Levi hands her a test tube with a cork.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The posters for their </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hocus Pocus Hoo-Haa! </span>
  </em>
  <span>are all over the campus. He still hates the expedition’s name, though; it feels animated, more farcical than scary. But even the freshmen of the Survey Scouts spend their time distributing flyers and inviting people to sign up for the haunted tours, so Levi needs to ensure that their efforts will not be in vain. After his Fluid Mechanics class, he passes by a bunch of sophomores snickering loudly at the posters. “Did they really use that word?” They asked themselves, hitting each other in the arms. Levi’s vocabulary isn’t that great like the others, but he’s aware that there’s nothing wrong with the poster. Hoo-ha is short for brouhaha, a commotion, a hullabaloo—the Special Operations Squad even consulted the English dictionary for that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Guess we're signing up for some Hocus Pocus coochies." The students all burst into laughter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Apparently, they’ve been looking at a different dictionary all this time. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>He</span>
  <span> arrives at their apartment, tired and sweaty from working out. His hair is clinging like dried worms to his forehead. Had it not been for the asshole who kept asking him if he was done with the weights, Levi would have stayed longer at the gym. He is not up for getting clawed by two females whose mood swings combined are worse than his grumpy personality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as if luck would have it, they’re lounging on the sofa in the common room, eating pizza. He remembers that Mike is out for the weekend, hanging out with his other friends from high school to celebrate his early birthday party with them. Nanaba's sitting upside down, her legs up in the air supported by the couch. On the other hand, Hange’s back is against the armrest, her thighs crossed together, feet up on the upholstery. His initial plan is to just ignore them and walk silently until he reaches his bedroom, but Hange has already spoiled that for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Levi, join us! Nanaba and I are just sharing some sex advice with each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No thanks. That’s disgusting.” He notices that she seems to be in a better mood, so h</span>
  <span>e’s grateful for that. Then again he’s curious about what she knows about the subject matter.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, or I’m going to wipe my bloody underwear on you tonight.” She wiggles her eyebrows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coerced by a woman on her period, he reluctantly sits down on the armchair, picks up a slice from the box, and then frowns. It's Hawaiian pizza, which is an abomination. Pineapples don't belong on pizza. He doesn't get why people keep on ordering shit like that. He'd rather put mayonnaise on his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba groans. “I can feel it gushing out of me. And I’m just sensitive all over,” she complains, chomping down on her slice. Apparently, it’s also her monthly period, which explains all the girltalk and the bitching episodes. Although he still doesn't understand how it happens, for some reason, she and Hange are in the same cycle. He only connected the dots after seeing the trash bin in the bathroom overflowing with bloody tampons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least, you can tell Mike you’ve got a lot of nerve down there,” Hange teases her friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he already knows,” she chews. “He’s been there more than I can count.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi freezes from taking out the pineapples on his pizza. The entire thing is so flimsy and greasy he cannot tell where the crust is anymore. The sauce and toppings are sliding off like lava so he keeps on changing the angle of his hold, melted cheese dripping onto his lap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As I was saying,” Hange speaks, trying not to point out awkwardness in the air, “It’s not always about the length. But did you know that the majority of penises are actually the same length when erect, which is 6-7 inches?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Damn, I knew it!” Nanaba snaps her fingers. “Dick sizes are a hoax.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly! It’s more about the girth that makes you choke,” Hange states. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should assert my dominance in the bedroom next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point, he’s trying not to choke from the food in his mouth. Of all conversations he could be in, this is the one he really doesn’t want to be involved with. But now, he’s really, really curious as to how Hange can do a sermon about the wonders of sex. So he grabs a cup of water from the kitchen while listening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And remember,” Hange continues, “You’re representing the entire female population. If you wanna make that your kink going forward, you better eat your man like it’s your last supper.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi spits out his drink, water sputtering across him. “What the fuck?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? It’s true,” Hange cranes her neck to look at him and then back to Nanaba. “The same goes for orgasms. The foreplay matters so much and yet men keep on skipping it.” She wags a finger. “It’s like removing pineapples on pizza when they’re meant to be there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops wiping his chin. “How the fuck do you know all this stuff?” Levi didn’t expect her to have a lot of experience, unless Hange has a thing for bestiality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I watch a lot of documentaries on the reproductive system,” Hange stares at him right in the eye. “For research, of course.” </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watching Erwin flirt is not part of his agenda for the day. However, he relents, for his friend’s peace of mind. The bar today is deserted, and he and Erwin are the only ones at the counter. He’s been in bars more often these past few weeks than his entire college years combined; he’s one step away from being branded as an alcoholic—well, maybe half of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marie…” Erwin combs his hair in one swift motion, his voice low and seductive. He has been pining for this girl in his batch who has been pining for Nile, another instructor, which makes everything a terrible ordeal in the first place. “I heard you’re a 9 out of 10. We should get together, because…” He smolders at Levi who’s pretending to be this woman. “I’m the one for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi looks like he’s going to throw up. “Nice try, Casanova.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How was that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pathetic. Just give it up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin makes a gruff sound, then pouts. “I don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that line that students always use?” Levi creases his forehead, trying to remember the stupid shit he heard from Oluo. They’ve been trying to think of pick-up lines ever since they came into the bar. “I think it goes something like ‘Are you a horse? ‘Cause I wanna ride you.’ They say it works every time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s not how it goes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After another round of drinks, nothing beats having a big break on a shitty day where no one can rain on his parade. Still, Erwin keeps on lamenting about Marie, how Nile, who’s beady and ugly as a skinned chicken, has the gall to confess to the girl of his dreams. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you know what they say—no ring, no thing.” Levi motivates him, even though Erwin has a 0.001% chance of not getting rejected. "And if they ever end up together officially, maybe you can always nip it in the bud."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, how should I know? Do I look like a love expert to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I should point out the physical traits, instead of giving pick-up lines out of nowhere,” Erwin ponders. “Can I try doing that with you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi thinks for a moment. Even though he volunteered to be here, he’d rather much be a punching bag than a pretend-woman for Erwin. But Levi cannot let the brotherhood fall down because of him. So he agrees once again to Erwin’s request. “Whatever, just go for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, let’s see. Levi..." Erwin pauses, thinking hard on what to compliment on. He eyes Levi from head to toe. Then it hits him. "Your hooded eyes are so sexy... you look like you just got out of bed.” Which is true; that's why it’s an inside joke among his friends that they call his heavy-lidded blue gray orbs 'bedroom eyes.'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cut the crap out. My eyes make me look like I’ve been drugged in broad daylight."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin breaks into a laugh. “That’s not true. You wouldn’t be that short if you had enough sunlight in your bones."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"At least I’ve got one defining feature." And then </span>
  <span>he remembers what Hange was blabbering about the other night. </span>
  <span>He tries his best not to measure himself in the bathroom. “Erwin... </span>
  <span>did you know that the majority of penises are actually the same length when erect which is 6-7 inches?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time it’s Erwin who spits out his drink in surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell?” Erwin coughs, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He looks down at his own pants, frowning. And then he smiles like he just had an epiphany. “Well that all makes sense. Maybe you should ask Hange to experiment on that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna know.” Levi finishes his drink. “And don’t fucking ever do that in public. My eyes are up here.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here you go!" Hange throws a drawstring bag at him. “The party store had a limited supply of interesting costumes your size. But that should do the trick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is sitting on his favorite spot on the couch, flipping through the TV channels. After watching the news about how a man threatened to rob a store (not with a gun, but with a baby alligator in hand), they still have the energy to talk about other things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought the party store ran out of adult sizes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nods. “It did. So I had to select from the children’s section.” And then she sees his unamused expression once again. “Oh, don’t worry. I got the largest size for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The worst one she could have picked up would have been a maid’s uniform, complete with puffy sleeves and a fluffy skirt. However, something tells him this is just as bad. Suspicious about Hange's fashion taste, Levi opens it and takes out the costume. He lets it drop to the floor together with his mouth in horror. “Hange, what the fuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>One can tell where the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hocus Pocus Hoo-Haa!</span>
  </em>
  <span> is simply by following the loud booming music on campus. All classes are finally done and it’s already dark but the people are just starting to come in with their costumes. Even some of the professors have opted to stop by just to see what the commotion is all about. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Highway to Hell, Thriller, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Psycho Killer </span>
  </em>
  <span>have been on loop for an entire hour; those songs are already stuck in everyone’s mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How nice of you to dress up as my bride, Pet!" Oluo exclaims in a cackle. He's Dracula, complete with the stakes in his hand and a garland of real garlic around his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Special Operations Squad is taking turns by their fortune-telling booth inside the huge white canopy tent. They’re also making last minute preparations on the makeshift cemetery by the campus forest at midnight. The entrance is decorated with candles, skulls, fake blood, and cotton cobwebs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Petra frowns, looking paler than usual in her long white gown because of the powder on her arms and face. "Excuse you, I'm a white lady! And </span>
  <span>hurry up, I’m running out of horoscopes to give.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gunther glances at her and says, "You look like you're about to go to prom." He and Eld are both wearing Men In Black costumes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And you two look like my bodyguards."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, or we’re going to neutralize you.” The two MIB agents hold up their pens that look like sex toys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s ‘neuralyze,’ Eld,” Petra raises her eyebrow, dodging her friend’s poking with the dildo-looking neuralyzer. “If you wanna keep up with your costume.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rolls his eyes. “Whatever, that’s not even in the dictionary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike and Nanaba enter the canopy tent in their Bananas in Pajamas attire, singing the annoying Banana Holiday theme song. On the other hand, Hange is in a T-Rex costume, her shortened arms flailing all around. She’s been greeting everyone with a “Rawr!” until she accidentally bumps her huge dino head against the steel beam. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re having a good time when Petra notices that they’re missing one more person. “Where’s Levi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, about that…” Hange moves to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone leans in to see the person behind her and gasps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No shit," breathes Oluo while Petra almost drops the crystal ball. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gunther and Eld stop poking at each other with their dick-shaped neuralyze</span>
  <span>rs when they see their boss.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The music gets stuck the moment the line goes “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m on a Highway to Hell</span>
  </em>
  <span>...” so 'Hell' repeats over and over as if on a loop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi is in a blue unicorn onesie with a golden horn and a pink fluffy tail that bounces every time he walks. Hange had to force him into it right after class. The man-child looks highly-unimpressed, ready to rip limbs off anyone who tries to comment on his outfit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, boss…” Eld starts, unsure of what to say. “Don’t you look, uh, spectacular?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone starts snickering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s about to punch poor Eld when Erwin comes up from behind him dressed up as Fred from Scooby-Doo. "Let me fix that." Erwin adjusts the string of the hood tighter around Levi's face, making him look like a kid who has been forced to try on something by his mom. Levi slaps Erwin’s hand away and Erwin does back off, laughing. “What? We’re just helping. All you’re missing is a nice, big rainbow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or I can make you puke rainbows with my fist.” He clenches his hand in front of Erwin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, Levi, don’t be like that,” Mike nags him. “The horn adds to your height."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The tail even suits you, boss!" Oluo shouts from the fortune-telling booth before Petra hits him on the head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He clenches his fists which are tucked under the unicorn hooves. "If none of you stop, I’m going to stab everyone in the ass with this horn.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All laughter ceases once again. Crickets start chirping in the background.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you like this?” Nanaba comes up to him again. “Are you having a mood swing or something? Everyone’s having fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. There’s the slightest guilt in him, but he doesn’t know how to control his foul mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Hange goes to his defense, her tiny T-rex arms tottering uselessly. “What Levi means to say is…" She puts a T-rex hand on his shoulder. "If your stupidity doesn’t cease, he’s going to employ violence to your anus as a unicorn.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They gather together in front of the makeshift cemetery that is secured by two poles with a red ribbon hanging in between. Fireflies keep on flickering everywhere and the students in their costumes cannot help but be awed by the efforts done by the Survey Scouts. Erwin starts with his speech as the club adviser. “Welcome to the Survey Scouts’ Hocus Pocus</span>
  <span>—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hoo-Haa!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi does not miss the snickering and bickering from the sophomores he overheard the other day. Who the hell invented the Urban Dictionary in the first place?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tonight you will dangerously embark on these haunted trails—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hoo-Haa!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And your courage will be tested within the walls of our school—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hoo-Haa!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So dedicate your hearts to the cause!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hoo-Haa!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enough with the Hoo-Haa.” He eyes the freshman nearest to him who immediately stops. Connie slaps the back of Sasha's head. Raising a pair of scissors, Erwin continues, “Let the expedition…” He snips the ribbon. “...begin!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They cheer loudly in high spirits as he opens the path to where the forest trail starts, and beyond them—utter darkness.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do know that most schools were actually cemeteries in the past, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a huge chance that they’re stepping on corpses laid to rest many, many years ago. The thought unsettles Levi. It also doesn’t help that the Survey Scouts did too much of a good job making the forest path look like a real cemetery. He’s probably stepped on about ten makeshift epitaphs and more or less fifteen fake human skulls and bones so far. The air is chilling, but not as much as the ear-splitting screams of people who have paid to shit in their pants for this tour.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A voiceover from one of the nearby speakers reads the tale of The Bloody Headless Man who was caught in bed with a wife of a soldier, prompting the husband to chop the lover’s body into pieces. Levi thinks the stupid guy deserved it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another wailing guy jumps at them, this time in an executioner's suit, and pretends to lunge with his bloody scythe. Erwin almost has had a heart attack. The two of them are patrolling the premises to make sure everything runs smoothly, which also means they're getting a free haunted tour not to their liking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it, stop being so scared, Erwin.” Levi chides the taller man. The itchy unicorn tail is swinging right behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Men are allowed to be scared. How are you not terrified right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Compared to the family gatherings I’m forced to attend, this is actually rather tame,” he says, his expression bored. “And it’s not like we weren’t the ones who planned this all along. What if your students see you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A guy named Floch with an orange mop for a hair starts screaming and running within the first five minutes of the haunted tour. That's how they know it's all going well. Some of the volunteer freshmen are stationed in different parts of the campus forest, awaiting anyone who crosses their paths. Levi and Erwin eventually come across Mikasa who is wearing a blue nightdress, her hair in cute pigtails. She’s holding a headless baby doll by its leg, a flashlight on her other hand eerily lighting up her face. The girl doesn’t need to do anything to scare the shit out of them except stand there with her murderous eyes and say, "Boo."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They keep walking, double-checking that no one has gone astray in the path. In order to break the creepy silence in the forest, Erwin asks him, "When you die, do you wanna be buried or cremated?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he can answer, Levi plucks out the unicorn tail that has formed a wedgie in his butt. "Why get buried? That's a waste of space."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, maybe fertilize the earth with your dead body?" His blue eyes are convinced that corpses are helpful to the living in some way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tch, just make your ashes useful for humanity, then. Have it recycled."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A loud shrieking cackle of a witch echoes somewhere beyond them. “W-what was that?” Both of them turn around and see something moving in the shadows. “Levi, t-that’s a black cat!” Erwin clings to Levi's arm. The grip is so tight it's about to break a man-child's limb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi wrestles his arm free. “Aren’t you the larger person between the two of us?" When Erwin grasps Levi’s shoulders from the back, he continues, "Oi, Eyebrows, don't pass out on me here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erwin eventually composes himself but not before he makes a defeated expression that says, </span>
  <em>
    <span>if I do, just dump me in the trash</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the Survey Scouts are enjoying their time as much as they can. It all changes when Connie and Sasha start screaming from the top of their lungs when Bertholdt appears as a gargantuan zombie, pretending to eat what seems to be a brain. They are about to back away trembling when someone grabs Jean by the shoulder. "Surprise, motherfuckers." It's Rainier dressed up as another zombie, an armored one, which doesn't make sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This prompts the rest of them to run for their lives, with Armin bumping into a tree and Jean, Connie, and Sasha tumbling down the path, their limbs entangled together. Historia then springs out from the bushes as a blonde Sadako, swaying slowly which scares the living lights out of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a panic, they begin tracing back the original path as fast as their legs could carry them. Ymir dressed as Slenderman appears from the trees and now the freshmen are ready to call it their worst nightmare. They all cower in fear upon hearing some rustling right behind them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi shows up from the other direction. “Oi, stop running around—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something, or someone, knocks him down. Hard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He falls right onto the ground with a thud and cusses out "goddamn motherfucking fuckface" so loud it scares the shit out of everyone. His nose is now throbbing in pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sorry, the horseface was fooling around. Your costumes are way too similar," Mikasa's eyes are still lifeless as she stares back into the skull of Jean who's now hiding in the bushes. The freshman now wishes he has never been born. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why the fuck can't you tell the difference between a horse and a unicorn?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can feel something oozing out of his nose in the dark. Nifa, together with Nanaba, arrives to help him out, flashlight in hand. Mike and Hange, hearing the commotion, have come to his aid as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, Levi, are you alright?” Nanaba panics at the sight of blood running down his nose. “Someone get the first-aid kit! I need something to stop the flow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange rummages through her pockets and after three minutes of shimmying out of her costume, hands something to Nanaba. “Here, this should work!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They maintain the silence for a few minutes as they watch Nanaba tend to Levi’s injury, lifting his chin up to examine his nose before gently plugging it with what feels to be like a thick piece of rolled cotton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they are finally out of the trail, Nifa breaks the peace. “That was amazing, you guys!” she exclaims, still exhilarated from the horror thrill. “Good job with the planning! The bloody headless man was the best of all. It looked all too real, with the blood and the brains spilling out…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all stare at each other. Erwin has a look of confusion on his face as he asks them, “We only had a voiceover for that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Levi’s mind is somewhere else, specifically on the weird thing shoved up in his nose. He removes it and squints hard at the bloody piece of cotton. “Hange… is this a tampon?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Experiments Gone Haywire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jealousy ensues between Levi and Hange's newest lab partner, Moblit. Sawney and Bean have gone missing, too.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Levi's probably thankful that Hange entered the wrong class on her first day in college. She was supposed to enroll in a free elective called The Basics of Ornithology but mysteriously ended up in a room where the professor was lecturing on Projectile Motions. The session was already halfway through when Hange raised her hand and asked, “Excuse me, is this Bird-Watching 101?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The professor looked at her as if she had sprouted another head. “No, this is Projectile Motions.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh," she shifted in her seat. "Right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three-hour class droned on and on. Hange was still confused as to how the registrar managed to mess the class slots so she whispered to the person who's sitting beside her, "Hey, are you sure this is not Bird-Watching 101?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her seatmate was Levi. He’s wearing jeans and a plain tee—the appropriate lab attire—in contrast to her tracksuit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You heard the professor," he said, still staring straight at the board and not batting an eyelash on her. "This is Projectile Motions."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was apologetic. "I just wanna make sure."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you see any fucking birds around here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That shut her up for a moment. And then after a few minutes, she faced him again, smiling, her hand outstretched. "I'm Hange, by the way. Hange Zoe." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi only eyed her hand warily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moments later, the professor paired them up for an experiment on trajectories by launching steel balls the size of lemons through a spring-based projectile gun. Through the variation of the angles, they were supposed to mark the time it lands and the distance it covers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange was so excited with the experiment that she had already forgotten that she wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. "You ready?" She called out to Levi who had no choice but to be her partner, her hand already poised to release the ball from the projectile gun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Give me a sec." He went to the other side, having forgotten to mark the position of the previous ball that they launched. "Oi, the last one was—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange pulled the trigger. In a split-second, it released the steel ball which catapulted right across the room to where he was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next thing Levi knew was pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kneeling on the lab floor, he groaned and clutched the fabric in between his pants. “Oh, fucking shit, fuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just got hit right in the balls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snickers erupted from his other classmates, while a small group of females whimpered in worry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Hange went to him. "Are you alright?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wincing, he gathered himself to preserve any dignity left in him and his manhood. "Yeah, I'm okay."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was not okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, he had never wanted to strangle someone in his entire life so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm so sorry, I didn't expect that to happen. One time I hit a guy on the head with a baseball and he just stopped breathing. It's so strange." She looked up as if pondering about the phenomenon on how balls can be deadly weapons of mass destruction. "Do you need me to take you to the infirmary?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hell no."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well then, let me check!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slapped her hand away before she could even touch him. Thinking she'll be gone by the next session, he avoided her until the class ended, cursing himself for the series of unfortunate events. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he saw her again the next session, Levi was flabbergasted, discombobulated, befuddled, dumbfounded, and ready to hang himself. Apparently, Hange decided to stay in that class for the rest of the semester and be his lab partner. As to why he ended up being friends with her, he still doesn't know.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kettle is whistling nonstop in the kitchen. It goes on for about five minutes, water boiling over on the oven top and begging for attention, until finally Levi comes out of his bedroom to turn off the stove. He cusses. For the nth time, Hange has left the kettle unattended. Stomping towards her bedroom, Levi stops by the entrance when he sees her on the phone with someone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s laying down on the bed, her legs bent, messy brown hair splayed on her sheets. “You are amazing, Moblit! I know I can depend on you." She giggles on the receiver like there’s no tomorrow. "Yeah, sure, I'll remember that next time… that would be great. See you at school.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's a click at the end of the receiver, and more giggles from her. When she hangs up the call, Levi says “Oi,” making her jump in fright.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeez, why do you have to be so quiet and small all the time?” She straightens herself up. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. Seems like you just discovered the concept of flirting.” He leans against her door, hands in pockets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange seems confused. “Huh? That was my lab partner. He just wanted to let me know that I left the Bunsen burner open once again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As far as Levi knows, Hange has never had a lab partner except for him, but that was back in freshman year. That mad scientist likes interactions, maybe a little bit more often than others, being an extroverted ray of sunshine and an occasional human. But that's also precisely the reason why nobody wants to work with her in the lab; she experiments on anything and everything that pops into her mind, including people.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised someone volunteered. That person's probably wondering now whether you’re a genius or just incredibly stupid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, on a good day, I’m both.” She flashes a wide smile and then realizes she owes him the backstory. "Moblit shifted from Chemistry to Biology in his final year so he's been trying to keep up with the lab. He’s struggling, so the professor thought pairing him up with me was for the best."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi clicks his tongue. "Worst decision your professor has ever made."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange makes a pouting face. "Hey, you've stuck with me for the past four years or so</span>
  <span>—I'm sure other people can endure being my lab partner for a sem. I even invited him to join the Survey Scouts. He'd be an honorary member. Think he'll stay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I doubt it. Just be sure to venerate him as a saint." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ooh, great idea! I think I'll light up a candle for him,” she says thoughtfully, her face completely missing the irony.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as Levi wants to shoot her idea down, Petra has come up with another out-of-the-blue project for the club. She's thinking of a Human Auction where people can bid on their favorite Survey Scouts member to spend a day with them. “Think about all the money we’ll be having if we advertise it right!” she squeals.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Human Auction is basically slavery, but made legal for the purpose of fundraising. The concept is as dumb as its name, Levi thinks, but if it means funding the expeditions of the Survey Scouts, then </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> he can let it go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A week later, the Survey Scouts hold a meeting on who will be the ones to be auctioned. They nominate Levi (he had no choice, Mike and Nanaba wrote his name on the ballot), Mikasa (much to her dismay), Sasha (she'll do anything for free food), and Oluo (he volunteered himself when Levi was picked). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Levi asks her how the entire thing works, Petra explains that she and the organizers are to make a profile for each of them to attract people to bid. "I can already see it," she spreads her hands high up in the air while looking at her fingers. “For you, Levi, it's going to be 'Reclusive college senior willing to provide services for a day. BDSM included.'”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The fuck?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eld and Gunther snort together, trying to hide their laughter. Levi has a feeling Hange has told them of the projectile steel ball incident.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is that too much?" Petra stares at him in pure innocence. "We can settle for just bondage, then."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi's eyes are filled with terror and panic. He's afraid that someone would exploit him for some kinky fantasy. "Are you fucking serious? This should be illegal. It’s human trafficking.” Sugarcoated for the so-called benefit of strangers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you can also do a lot of things for others! Like, serenading them,” Petra says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eld adds, “Or washing their car.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or cleaning houses, mowing lawns, and doing their laundry,” Gunther offers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe getting tied up and blindfolded, if they're into stuff like that.” Oluo suggests, trying hard not to look into his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi can’t believe the words that are sprouting out of their mouth. “I already do most of the chores for Hange. Do I look like I’m getting paid for those?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, then, this time you can make your manual labor worthy for a cause.” Petra crosses her arms, her decision made final and backed up by the boys.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean another ten minutes?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has been waiting for Hange to get out of the Biology lab for fifteen minutes already. They have planned to study together for an upcoming oral exam (he’s ready to leave 3 out of 5 thesis statements unanswered at this point) but Hange has decided that her experiment has priority this time around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lifts up her lab goggles that have already fogged her vision. "Moblit and I are almost done with the conclusions part. Just be a little more patient." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Patience is for people lining up at the DMV, Four-Eyes." Stupid waiting times just to get a driver's license makes him wanna throw people down the cliff. He doesn’t see that Hange has already gone back inside the lab. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a block of students passing by the corridor so he decides to peep into the room. From a distance, he can see a male student peering into the microscope with Hange right behind him, her hands on top of his as she helps the guy adjust the focal lens. The sight makes Levi’s eyeballs itch so much he needs to bleach them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We got it, Hange. The results validate our hypothesis."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you so!" She shrugs off her lab coat completely. "We did it, Moblit!” Hange shouts in rejoice, tackling her labmate in a hug. The guy is surprised for a moment and slowly puts a hand on her back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi just wants to retch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is about to leave when Hange calls out to him. “Hey, Levi! Come on in, I want to introduce you to someone." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His first instinct is to just walk away and pretend he didn't hear her. But that will only prompt her to ask more questions and Levi certainly isn't in the mood to explain himself. So he goes in, fingernails digging deep into his palms. "What now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is Moblit, my lab partner." She drags the poor guy to where Levi is. "Moblit, this is Levi, my best friend who takes good care of me. Oh, and he's a clean-freak."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Really?" The guy named Moblit is amused, extending his hand to Levi who doesn't take it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I usually scrub her face with bleach."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange hits him on the back. "Levi's actually my first lab partner back in freshman year," and then she glares at Levi with a wicked smile. "I accidentally hit him in the balls with a projectile gun."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Levi scowling back at her, Moblit attempts to ease the tension by saying, "I'm sure that was a good aim." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Actually, it was deadly," Levi corrects him, not leaving Hange's eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moblit laughs for a moment and then stops when he sees Levi scowling and ready to shred anyone and anything into pieces. Sensing the awkwardness in the situation, he excuses himself. "Well, I better get going. Need to work on some papers. Nice to meet you, man."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He moves sideways like a crab until he reaches the door and brisk-walks away from the two's heated eye stare.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a thing about grocery shopping that intrigues Levi. Grocery shoppers can be categorized into two: those who make lists and try to follow them, and those who just grab anything on the shelves thinking it’s on their list. He and Mike, unfortunately, are one and the other, making them the worst combination to run errands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Damn, I love these pretzel bites." Mike shoves a huge tub in the cart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's not on the list."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi gives him a return-it-or-I-will-kill-you stare as he points to the shelf where Mike got it from. Deeply sighing, the 6'5" man puts the snack back. Maybe he’ll sneak it into the cart when the midget isn’t looking as they’re about to pay, and then it’ll be too late by then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They continue down the aisle as Levi keeps dictating the items they're still missing, with Mike reaching out for those up in higher shelves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The image of Hange assisting Moblit in the lab is still burning in Levi’s mind which is deeply nagging him. Finally, he releases his frustration to his companion. “Why does Hange keep on hanging out with that Moblit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, ‘cause he's her lab partner?” Mike eyes him suspiciously. Nevertheless, he keeps wheeling the grocery cart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does she live in the lab all day? Why does she giggle like a maniac around him? Who do you think helps her out whenever she forgets stuff?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike tries to control his laughter after hearing the barrage of questions. A jealous Levi Ackerman is not something he sees everyday.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...Does that Moblit guy even know her quirks? She can't even take care of herself and I have to make sure that she's still functioning as a human being every now and then…" Levi immediately sees the dimples on Mike’s cheeks and stops. "What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's just funny how you finally recognize that Hange's also a person with feelings."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I—" He's taken aback by the comment. "Haaa?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cut me some slack," Mike raises his eyebrow. "You like Hange, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi looks like he just swallowed an entire fishbone. “I—are you kidding me—who the fuck—what?” Backing away, he accidentally knocks an entire shelf of canned beans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike places a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, buddy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, she’s annoying—little git—pesky and I—” The words come out strangled, as if he's been constipated all day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deny all you want. It will come out soon. Nanaba and I can see it in your eyes. It always starts with admitting that you’re only good as chummy buddies and then when you're together, you start hearing sweet music in the background, your senses are hypersensitive as ever, and the dream starts kicking in—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dream? What dream?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you know, ‘The Dream,’” Mike puts up quotation marks in the air with his fingers. “The one where you start fantasizing about the other person and—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi holds up a hand and walks away. “Piss off. We’re only friends. She’s out of my league and I’m not putting our friendship in trouble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suit yourself. You're falling for your best friend." Mike tells him, wriggling his eyebrow. He starts pushing their cart into the main aisle when he adds, "Also, that is not on our list."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi already has his hands on a gallon of dishwashing soap. It’s the newest product release with jasmine and lemon scent. “But it's for cleaning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike shakes his head in disapproval. “Still not on our list. We’ve got our regular refills under the sink.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi shoves it back to a random shelf, grumpy as ever. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>High-pitched screams erupt when people see the advertisements for the Human Auction of the Survey Scouts, especially with a bunch of girls ogling at Levi’s poster. He’s heard some snide remarks such as “I’d lick him dry,” “If I win this bid, he and I will definitely shower together,” and even “I just want to have his babies!” Apparently, there’s something dark and mysterious in his aura that attracts a lot of attention. Add to that, the ‘wet look’ that Nanaba pulled on him for his photoshoot, annoying as it could have been, was in fact, very effective.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Levi, nice profile!” One of his classmates, Henning, snickers at him. "How much did they pay you for that?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mind flashes back to the other day when they did the posters. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanaba, being the camerawoman, asked him to pose on a red couch when he arrived at the studio. At first, he merely plopped himself right in the middle of it, awkward as fuck. And then Nanaba positioned him to cross his legs and drape his hand back over the armrest. It’s been ten minutes of simply angling him and focusing the light to highlight his best features—“Oh, that sharp jawline, and that side profile, and those hazy eyes!” Nanaba exclaimed, licking her lips. Mike had to stop her from fawning over their midget friend, especially when Levi declined to strip his top off or even pop his buttons for the added effect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tilt your neck a little bit more, Levi," she instructed him. “That’s it, that’s it, a little more, and...” When her friend shifted his frame to adjust himself, Nanaba frowned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at her boyfriend. “Maybe we should go for the wet look.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Levi could react, Mike dumped an entire bucket of water over Levi’s head. That's when Nanaba took the shot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His entire fangirl brigade shrieked just from watching in the background. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, he's convinced that Hange is only a good friend. Which is why he’s also convinced that his pride will be the death of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s in the hallway when she calls her into the laboratory, laughing as she tugs his arm in anticipation. When she closes the door behind them, Katy Perry’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>I Wanna See Your Peacock </span>
  </em>
  <span>starts playing in the background. He doesn't mind it at first until Hange joins in: "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?</span>
  </em>
  <span>" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Am I—what?" He then turns around to see Hange shrug off her lab coat, revealing her bikini-clad figure. Confused, Levi opens his mouth to say something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she puts a finger to his lips to shush him up, giggling even more. Her hair is loosened from its ponytail and it tumbles down to her shoulders, which makes her a hundred times more alluring to his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange starts singing, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm intrigued, for a peek, heard it's fascinating.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Before he can resist, she undresses him and lays him out on the immaculate dissecting table. She then climbs on top of him seductively, her dainty legs on both sides of his waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He squirms at first, unsure of how the absurdity of this scene is playing out. "Hange, I..." His throat feels dry as a desert. It comes out almost as a moan when she chuckles and licks his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katy Perry is now singing the refrain in the background as Hange's breath tickles his ear which turns him on all the more. And then she commands him, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Come on, baby, let me see what you're hiding underneath</span>
  </em>
  <span>," painting his face in horror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The alarm clock rings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He jolts up with a start in his boxer briefs, hair bedridden, and unsurprisingly aroused. The line from </span>
  <span>the chorus when it goes “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock, cock…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” is still playing in his ears, in addition to the blasted ringing of his clock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only time it stops is when he smashes the darn contraption into the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a nice and bright Sunday morning when he hears a chair being kicked in the other bedroom. From the sound of it, Hange has just sent a cockroach to the afterlife. Had it not been for the cussing afterwards, he would have not paid attention to it, still completely confused and flustered by his dream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks towards her room like a brave and dignified soldier. However, Levi wrinkles his nose the moment he enters her room. “Hange, this place stinks. When’s the last time you’ve bathed?” Now that he’s realized it, she’s been holed up in there since last Friday night, only coming out just to use the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know? Three, four days ago?" Hange is sitting right on the floor with her back leaning against the wall. Her hair is undone and filthier than ever. Levi would have found it fascinating had it not been for her eyes red from crying, dark circles already forming underneath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves for a moment and runs the shower for her. When he comes back, he notices all the empty lagers in her trash bin just as Hange is about to crack open the last can of beer. His furrows his eyebrows in disbelief. “Did you just finish an entire pack?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To answer his question, she takes out a crumpled $5 bill from her pocket and throws it at him. "Payment. Sorry for drinking yours."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Since when have you been day-drinking?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Since now. It’s my coping mechanism." She takes a swig from her beer and wipes her chin with her sleeve. “S</span>
  <span>omething happened and I need advice, but I don’t want a lot of judgment or criticism.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you think I’m the best person for that?” Levi eyes Hange incredulously. He still remembers his super-ultra-mega vivid dream this morning.</span>
  <span> "Why don't you just go to your lab partner?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange looks like she’s actually about to cry. “I screwed up. Big time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You gotta be a little more specific than that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My lab tests are missing." She's wringing her hands while wailing. "Somebody must have taken them!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Turns out, Hange failed to secure a permit to do some experiment on the campus critters because her test subjects have gone AWOL. Disappeared, vanished. And now, Hange is broke from spending all her money on her lab pets. Which makes her sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Actually, sad is an understatement; crestfallen, downhearted, and depressed is more like it. His thoughts are distracted when Hange starts wailing once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Calm down," he tells her while gently rubbing her back. "Maybe you should try going out for a while. Keep yourself busy with something else."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't. Not without my lab pets."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi has no idea how to solve her problem. Chances are, her test subjects are already in the canal or have been eaten alive by the stray cats on campus. So instead, he provides a different solution. “Come on, I’ll make you something to eat. You're going to end up drowning yourself in alcohol.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m good, thanks,” Hange swats the air with a hand. “I can make myself an egg.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Four-Eyes, the only thing time you tried to cook was when you microwaved an egg with the shell on.” He folds his arms. “You almost blew up this entire apartment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She winces before relenting to his offer. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi’s been reading the same line in his textbook for about 20 times. Not a single word gets processed in his mind and now he’s sweating hard. It’s probably the unusual heat inside the library; somebody must have cranked up the temp to the highest level. Another thing is, the vivid dream of him and Hange making out is still stuck in his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But there’s also the dawning realization that Hange hasn't appeared in class in three days, suddenly unnerving him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hange, get your shit together,” he told her, pulling her one up last time as she tried to eat a bowl of stir-fried noodles with her tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, you’re not going to make yourself useful sulking in here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange pretended to drop dead and cried herself to sleep on the floor that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to read the entire paragraph once again when he feels a tap on his shoulder from behind. His first instinct is to wring the unknown hand and break this person's wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re Hange’s friend right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cranes his neck and sees Moblit. He should have gone with his instincts. Levi stares at him in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guy says something again but Levi's thoughts are back to Hange—Hange’s laughter, Hange’s smile, her dirty, oily, messy hair that he doesn’t really hate, her thick-framed glasses, her bright eyes. His daydreaming is interrupted when Moblit waves his hand in front of Levi's face and asks, “Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinks. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I said, you need to help me. Hange is still fussing over Sawney and Bean. She won't stop wailing about them during our Biology club meeting."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And who are Sawney and Bean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our children aka our lab mice," Moblit sighs, not seeing the twitch of Levi's eyebrow when he said 'our children.' </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I suppose they didn't escape from their cages?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It was my fault." Moblit continues, covering his eyes with both hands, "I overfed them with the pellets and then the next thing I knew they're dead! So I chucked them out! I</span>
  <span> tell people I'm a science major and they look at me like I'm some kind of joke. I don't know what to make of it!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It can’t get worse, can it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sees Moblit take something out of his bag. It’s a really nicely drawn poster of two mice, one gray with a short tail and one brown with huge dog-ragged ears. Levi assumes those are Sawney and Bean. There's a huge sign at the bottom of the poster saying, 'Have You Seen These Mice?'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moblit explains, "She made me draw these by hand and now she wants me to post these Wanted Posters all over campus in hopes of finding them!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For all they know, her lab mice are now in the afterlife for rodents. Hange is going to throw a fit when she finds out. Or rather, if she finds out. Sighing, Levi finally comes up with a stupid idea.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a buzz inside the room during the Human Auction Bidding Day. Hange, being the auctioneer, has been riling up the students alongside Mike who’s taking note of every bid. She still seems to be not in the mood despite the raw energy that she's emitting. Together, the both of them have been hypnotizing the bidders with their quick-paced words, lulling them into the dreadful mind conditioning to call and respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Within the first thirty minutes, Jean has already bid for Mikasa after strangling Floch who went neck and neck with him. Sasha has been bought by Connie who won over Ymir (Niccolo the bartender contracted her and Historia to bid for Sasha on behalf of him). Oluo has been bought by Eld and Oluo after they made a deal when he would stop imitating Levi because they're so fed up with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point, everyone is already tired of the Hange the auctioneer’s chants (“Will you give me now? Will you give me two? Will you give me three?” or “Going, going…gone!”)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then she announces that it’s Levi's turn to be auctioned off. The moment she turns the hourglass, a bunch of hands and shrieks from women fill the air as if they’re haggling in the marketplace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange begins her deadpan chant: “I’m at $20, now $20, I need $30, $30, somebody give me $30, $30…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi gulps when he sees a femboy put up a hand and Hange acknowledges the drastic increase in price.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Who'll give me a hundred dollars? One hundred dollar bid, now two, now two, will you give me two?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks around the room and sees more hands from women with raging hormones. At this point, he's willing to bet that they're eyeing him like a piece of prized meat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two hundred, two and a half, two-fifty, How about two-fifty? Fifty? Fifty? Fifty? I got it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sweating in his seat, he tugs the hand of Petra who's standing near the door. She's definitely having fun watching the commotion. "Oi, Petra, I need a favor… "</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Petra can sense the pure terror in his eyes, so she sweetly smiles and whispers, "Oh, does somebody need to be bailed out?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi is now mortified, but he's also desperate. "Please, I'll do anything. Just don't let these people devour me whole."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So will you take me out?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Like on a date or with a rifle?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grins. "Surprise me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about two-sixty? Sixty?" Hange is still going on about it. "Sixty? I've got two-sixty, now seventy? How about seventy? Two-seventy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Petra raises her hand, standing up indignantly. Mike confirms it and gives the price to Hange who also just acknowledged another person's price. It's the 6'1" leader of Levi's fangirl brigade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two hundred and seventy dollar bid, now three, now three hundred, will you give me three?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There's an eerie silence between the two women as they stare down at each other with Hange in between.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Going once, going twice… sold!” Hange pounds the gavel, signifying the final price of Levi’s dignity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, Petra has officially bought him out. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The light is back in her eyes when she sees Sawney and Bean scurrying in their cages the moment she arrives in the lab, with Levi having escorted her.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You found them?" Hange picks up the mice on her palm and allows them to peck her cheeks as if she's Cinderella. But she's not looking at Levi.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes are glinting with happiness at her lab partner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uh, yeah." Moblit is trying not to meet her in the eyes as she nuzzles her unknowingly new lab pets. "It's a good thing they have unique features."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He and Levi had to spend an entire day in several pet stores looking for the perfect look-a-likes of Sawney and Bean. They had to choose one that had a chewed-off ear and another with a shortened tail. In the end, the two men had to paint two white mice gray and brown to fit the bill.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Moblit, you're amazing!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi uncomfortably shifts by the door. He absolutely cannot believe that the bastard Moblit is taking all the credit. He should probably expose his stupidity and carelessness, that her amazing lab partner actually let the real Sawney and Bean die. But then he remembers Hange's sadness and for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to see her heartbroken.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So, uh, Hange," Moblit clears his throat. "Are you seeing anyone right now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stops cuddling her mice. "Huh? You mean like a guy?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, he means a ghost. Or a psychiatrist." Levi says sarcastically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I got the joke, Levi. Go face the wall."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moblit then continues, "Would you like to have dinner with me one of these nights? Nothing too grand. Just a thank-you for helping me out in my first lab experiment—"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hugs him tight, not letting him continue anymore. "Ohmygosh, yes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stay like that for a while. Until they remember that there is another person in their presence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright, well, let me know if you guys need a room," Levi's voice is filled with sarcasm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shoots back at him, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you’re still there ‘cause you’re too small.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You did not just say that." He opened his mouth to defend himself but thought better. Or worse. "You need a fucking reality check for your fucked up brain." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange is now offended. "Whoa, chill the fuck out, grumpy old man."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am not a grumpy old man."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's Moblit's hint to leave, and thankfully, he takes it. Telling Hange that he'll just continue the conversation through text, he brisk-walks past Levi, sheepishly avoiding his death stare. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Levi watches as Hange silently puts her pets back into their cage. Sighing, she turns to face</span>
  <span> him. "Jeez, what is wrong with you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just making sure your head is still functioning well."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're the one who told me to go out!" Hange cries in exasperation. "And now all you ever do is complain and insult me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You—I—what? Excuse me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You heard me. Jerk." She points a finger at him. "Nothing good ever comes out of your mouth."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cannot believe that Hange just pulled some reverse card trick on him. "Oh, is this what it is now?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Always has been!" She removes her lab coat in distress and crumples it into a ball of fabric. "I don't need you having to comment on every part of my life every minute of every day!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was the last straw. Levi angrily walks up to her, prodding a finger on her shoulder. "Fine, go be on your own. Let's see where you'll be without me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hange, being the taller of them two, only stares him down. "Fine, asshole." </span>
  <span>She throws her lab coat onto the desk and shoves him out of her way before walking out of the room. “I don’t want to be friends with someone who can’t confront his own feelings!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That got him. He would have just left the conversation at that, let her win, but now his mind is clouded with rage. "Next time, just get some goddamn humans for your lab tests," he shouts back at her. "And make sure to overfeed them!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Great idea!" She slams the door. Levi is left wondering if she completely understood the irony just now.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Give me a conversation starter." Petra giddily prompts him, her eyes lovey-dovey as she rests her cheeks on the palms of her hands. She's excited to be out with him at Karanes' Pizza, the only place (and the cheapest) that he first thought of when he had to fulfill his end of the bargain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sitting across her, Levi slumps his shoulders. "I don't know. Do you like…" He thinks of the first thing that comes to his mind. "Mice?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her nose twitches. "Ew. What kind of question is that?" And then she thinks about her answer before shrugging. "But generally-speaking, I like pets."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What would you name them?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe, uh, Black Diamond or, uhm, White Rose."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Those sound like hooker names."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They order pizza and chicken tenders, accompanied by some good old beer to warm themselves up. She convinces him to watch a movie at the cinema with her afterwards. Petra has a lot of great stories and her laughter does indicate that she's having a great time indeed, but Levi cannot fake a smile, not when he feels like shit deep inside. He just cannot afford to be dishonest towards another person who deserves all the good in the world. Especially after she bailed him out for 300 bucks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After offering to pay for both the dinner and the movie, he walks her back to her apartment. There's some silence as she admires the small town lit by the lampposts. And then Levi breaks it to her. "Hey, you're a good friend."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gives him a small smile. "Thanks, Levi."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, I mean it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I meant what I said, too." She stops and takes his hands to cup them inside hers. He can’t explain it, but he feels like she knows how he's feeling right now, especially when Petra says, "I’m not the one for you, am I?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels awkward having to reject her. But he has to do it, for his peace of mind and hers. "I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She slaps his hand teasingly and laughs. "Don't be. You go do your thing, Boss. Free your heart. As wise Confucius once said, ‘It doesn’t matter how slow you go, so long as...’” She’s trying to remember the proverb. “You keep on vibing. Or rolling. Did I get that right?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I doubt it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, whatever cheesy shit people say."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaaand I've finally caught with the chapters I've uploaded on FF.net, whew! If you've read this far and you've enjoyed the story, I'm glad. The next chapter is coming up, so stay tuned, and if you have any feedback or comments on my work (or just wanna ramble about AOT), feel free to message me on Tumblr (djmarinizelablog) or Twitter (djmarinizela)!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Getaway Break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang goes on vacay.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For some reason it’s way too quiet whenever Hange is not by his side. Sure, her not being around lets him clean their apartment in peace, but the fact that they haven't spoken to each other for a week is deeply unsettling for him, with both of them often choosing to avoid each other ever in every chance they get. </p><p> </p><p>It also doesn’t help that Levi’s really bad with words. He thinks giving Hange space is enough retribution. And it’s probably for the best—Levi couldn’t stay one minute being in her presence without saying something offensive, and Hange cannot stop blabbering about how Moblit is so good at this and that, or how Moblit can be amazing here and there, now and then, forever and ever, the end.</p><p> </p><p>And so as a pacifying act, the first thing Nanaba brings up in the morning is an out-of-town excursion for this year's Friendsgiving. She edges through the dining table, her eyes gleaming with excitement. “You guys wanna escape for the long break?”</p><p> </p><p>“I wanna escape for an entire year,” Levi sighs into his tea. Hange would have sided with him on that, but their mad scientist friend has already gone ahead to check up on her vials in the lab. </p><p> </p><p>That, and she still doesn't want to see his face.</p><p> </p><p>Sensing his frustration, Nanaba rubs his back. “Cheer up, Levi, we’re almost done.”</p><p> </p><p>He does not want it to be done. In fact, he wants more time. He wants to make amends with his best friend, straighten up everything including his feelings, and maybe even become a slightly better person. But he’s an asshole who has a harder time opening up than a clam so instead, he asks, “Where to?”</p><p> </p><p>Mike shrugs his shoulders. “Just some beach hopping. Booze drinking. Guitar jamming.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi sets down his cup and frowns. “You mean, we’re just changing the scenery?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, together with some of the Survey Scouts, plus Erwin." Nanaba tells him as she bites into her egg waffle. "Gotta give them a break.”</p><p><br/>Levi’s voice is deadpan. “Ah, so we’re vacationing with a twist.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>On campus, Hange is raging all the more after finding out that Sawney and Bean aren't, in fact, Sawney and Bean. Their brown and gray colors washed away right after she gave them a bath, revealing their skin to be whiter than white. Moblit took all the blame after admitting that he was also responsible for accidentally killing their original lab mice. Obviously, she didn't take it nicely. But the deed was already done, and the good thing, her lab partner reminded her, was that they already got replacements.</p><p> </p><p>"Tch, you should have told her they were shedding skin," Levi chides Moblit as the shorter guy props his textbook open in the library. "She probably would have believed you."</p><p> </p><p>"No thanks, man. I think I've already learned my lesson." Moblit lets out a short laugh. And then he clears his throat when he sees the distant gaze in Levi's face. “By the way, I’m sorry about what happened between you and Hange. I didn’t mean it, really.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi wishes he didn't have to be reminded of their quarrel. He rarely gets to see her since she's been working so late in the lab. And by the time she gets home, Levi would have already slept by then. Even though he hates to admit it, this guy can take better care of her. </p><p> </p><p>Sighing, he tells him, "Moblit, you're the one who's with her every second in the lab. The least you can do is make sure she doesn't forget to eat, that she remembers to attend her other classes and also, that she showers once in a while." </p><p> </p><p>Hange's lab partner is slightly touched. "That's tough. I'll try my best." Moblit's about to walk away when he remembers something. “Also, just wanna let you know that she, uhm, turned me down.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi stops reading and looks up. "Why?"</p><p> </p><p>Moblit merely shrugs his shoulders. "She said something about waiting for someone to admit their feelings. And then she cursed that particular person with a barrage of insults. Sucks to be that guy, if you ask me." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The changing of the scenery seems interesting while inside a rented van. It's 90 degrees outside, no hint of winter nor of the cold that freezes anyone or anything. They're taking turns driving across states, with Mike and Nanaba taking selfies with every borderline they crossed. Erwin has arranged their weekend getaway as a members-only expedition beyond campus, which means they're stuck with each other's faces inside a van for almost 24 hours, ordering take-outs from several drive-thrus along the way. </p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, nobody has complained.</p><p> </p><p>When they arrive at the resort, all they can smell is freedom and sunshine, with Mike enjoying the scent of the ocean. The freshmen gaze at the water as if they have never seen the beach their entire lives.</p><p> </p><p>After an hour or so, Petra arrives with her fellow juniors, her father having dropped them off. Apparently, they were visiting her brother who's studying in a nearby town. </p><p> </p><p>"To the island!" Oluo charges and then stumbles into the sand, and his friends all burst into a fit of laughter. Levi just rolls his eyes, unamused.</p><p> </p><p>Petra is hauling the food and supplies out of the car when Mr. Rall comes up to him. “Are you Levi? I just figured ‘cause you’re the shortest in the group.” </p><p> </p><p>He hears Eld and Gunther snort from afar, giving them the middle finger behind his back. The old man continues, “My daughter keeps talking about you all the time at home. She actually has a lot of photos of you hanging on her wall."</p><p> </p><p>"Haaa?" Levi lets his mouth drop.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Rall smiles at him. "She's completely starry-eyed, saying she'll devote herself to you but I keep on telling her she's still too young to marry—"</p><p> </p><p>"Alright, that's enough, Dad! Off you go." She shoves her father back inside his car. Her father tells her he'll be back to pick her up in the afternoon.  When he's finally gone, she heads toward Levi and nervously chuckles, "Dads and their dad jokes, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"That's cute."</p><p> </p><p>She blushes, her face turning into the same shade as her hair. "Y-you think so?"</p><p> </p><p>"Either you're an FBI agent in the future or a psychopath in the making."</p><p> </p><p>Oluo comes running up to him, all covered in sand, and exclaims, "Boss, I have posters of you on my wall, too!" </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After lunch, the freshmen finally insist to head straight for the waters with Ymir and Historia chasing after Sasha who is running around with three watermelons. Connie is inflating the huge banana boat together with Jean. The four juniors are hanging out together, with Eld, Gunther, and Petra making sandcastles on top of Oluo who's buried deep in the sand. Armin is picking up the seashells, along with Mikasa and Eren, who has finally recovered from rehab.</p><p> </p><p>The juniors then take out the beer and liquor, bottle caps being popped here and there, and they rejuvenate themselves by taking a long drink under the sun. Even the underaged freshmen take this as their chance to let loose without any supervision. They look old enough to be adults anyway, so long as nobody cards them on the spot. </p><p> </p><p>Levi’s never liked the water, being mysterious and containing all the danger beneath its surface. Hange’s still avoiding him, often spending more time with the freshmen or with herself.  All eyes were first on Erwin being so jacked and second on Mike being so tall and ripped. Even Mikasa and Eren have a 6-pack and Armin who is delicate as a daffodil is just as well-built. </p><p> </p><p>And then there’s Levi who slowly unbuttons his shirt and shrugs it off. </p><p> </p><p>The thing is, nobody was expecting him to be so muscular—hard pecs, rock-solid abs, and all. It's as if the second coming has finally dawned upon them all as everyone stares at him in shock. Armin’s ice creams fall out of its cone. Even Petra has to lift her sunglasses.</p><p> </p><p>When he sees all the gaping faces, he scowls. "Why the fuck are you all staring?"</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing. We just didn't expect you to be so..." Petra's mouth has dried up like a well. </p><p> </p><p>"Tch, what?"</p><p> </p><p>She swallows hard. "So chiseled."</p><p> </p><p>Nobody objects to her statement. </p><p> </p><p>"He still looks like a rat on steroids,” Hange scoffs, adjusting her snorkel before she goes in for a dive.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you?” he calls out, but Hange pretends not to hear him anymore. The tension between them has intensified so much that none of their other friends choose to intervene. They’d rather keep all their limbs intact, thank you very much. </p><p> </p><p>A hermit crab the size of his entire hand walks on Levi’s foot. Clicking his tongue, he forcefully kicks it back into the water. Unintentionally, it lands right where Hange is. All the land and sea creatures wake up from her shrieking.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Beach volleyball is fun when you're not grouped with the shortest person. Levi surmises that's what Nanaba is thinking about when she lost to Mike on their rock-paper-scissors game. Obviously, Mike chose Erwin as his teammate, leaving Nanaba to be partnered up with their midget friend. The two towering men who were both more than 6-feet-tall definitely had the advantage. </p><p> </p><p>She finishes her beer and heads towards the net. “Well, here goes nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba tosses the ball and Levi spikes it. Unfortunately, it doesn't go past the net. They look at each other in silence, with Levi's sour face enough to block the sun.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, is this the lowest this thing can go?"</p><p> </p><p>Mike tells him, "Levi, if we bring the net any lower, we might as well be playing soccer."</p><p> </p><p>Levi clicks his tongue. The tall guy has a point. </p><p> </p><p>"This isn't fair," Nanaba whines. "We're at a height disadvantage here."</p><p> </p><p>"Just jump a little bit higher," Erwin advises, as if a 5'2" person hasn't thought about that before.</p><p> </p><p>Out of nowhere, they hear a loud snort from Hange. "Being short should be illegal. People should just grow the fuck up."</p><p> </p><p>They all look at Levi's direction nervously to hear him mutter, "I’ve tried."</p><p> </p><p>The game resumes when Mike hits a straight shot and Levi receives it perfectly, with Nanaba returning it to the court with a dump. Erwin manages to dig the ball before it hits the sand, having predicted his opponents' movements. The ball flies up into the air right above the net, waiting for a jostle between the two teams. Nanaba smirks, ready for a kill, and Mike, being 200 pounds worth of muscle, accidentally bumps into Erwin while they're blocking Nanaba's attack. The ball hits the sand on their court and the two men groan in dismay.</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later they score another point against Levi and Nanaba when their smallest friend does a jump spike. </p><p> </p><p>The ball hits Nanaba at the back of her head. </p><p> </p><p>There's a croo-croo sound of an owl from nowhere amidst the snickering from Mike and Erwin. The sun immediately disappears for five seconds or so, and even Levi wants to hide for a while.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright, that's it,” Nanaba shouts, balling her fists tightly. “We're calling it quits—"</p><p> </p><p>"Woah, you didn't tell us you were having a face-off!"</p><p> </p><p>The four seniors quickly whip their heads around and see the freshmen sprinting towards them, more beer cans in their hands. Eren’s eyes are as wide and bright as ever, and his group of friends are grinning.</p><p> </p><p>Levi murmurs, "A beat-down's more like it."</p><p> </p><p>"Think you guys can win against us freshmen? We've got a battalion here," Jean boasts, smug and proud. He pops another can open and drinks from it. </p><p> </p><p>"You want us to beat you to a pulp?" Mike raises an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>"If you can, yeah. What do you think, Mr. Erwin?"</p><p> </p><p>Erwin is hesitant. "I mean… the Survey Scouts are supposed to promote sportsmanship and camaraderie…"</p><p> </p><p>"Come on, it's just a friendly competition,” Eren tells them. “An intense game shouldn't hurt that much. The juniors can join you guys to make the numbers even."</p><p> </p><p>The seniors look at each other before shrugging their shoulders. "Okay, what do you guys have in mind?" </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Three syllables! A person? No, an object!"</p><p> </p><p>"Uh, a miracle?"</p><p> </p><p>"Barbecue! That’s an object, right?"</p><p> </p><p>It's a game of charades between the freshmen and the rest of the upperclassmen. Actually, a game isn't really how to describe it. A war is a more appropriate term. They're sitting down on mats by the sand, the sweltering heat dancing on their skins. At this point, most of them are drunk and ready to call it a day. </p><p> </p><p>Armin is keeping the timer on his phone, giving each team five minutes to act out the word they’ve randomly picked from a bunch of words everyone pitched in. The seniors are now apprehensive about this entire idea, but it’s too late to go back on their word. </p><p> </p><p>Earlier, Jean was trying to impersonate Keith Shadis just by grumbling a lot and pretending to be a stubborn and grumpy old teacher. Sasha was able to guess it within a minute after Jean banged his forehead against Eren’s. (“Good times, good times!” “That hurt, horseface!”)</p><p> </p><p>Oluo is now waving his hands like cooked spaghetti, and all their faces are warped in confusion. Either he’s doing a very poor job of playing charades, or the rest of them are just too dumb.</p><p> </p><p>"An onomatopee—onoma?—onomatopow?" Gunther is guessing wildly, trying to figure out the right pronunciation. “Ah, onomatopoeia!”</p><p> </p><p>Eld elbows him on the ribs. "That's not three syllables."</p><p> </p><p>Gunther counts with his fingers to check the syllabication, murmuring silently with his lips before repeating the entire ordeal. "I can't even pronounce it properly, how am I supposed to count the syllables?"</p><p> </p><p>"You can't even count in the first place."</p><p> </p><p>They’re about to raise their fists when Levi gnashes his teeth. "Oi, concentrate, you brats."</p><p> </p><p>The entire theatrical movements of Oluo are still baffling their minds nonstop when he accidentally bites off his tongue. Armin then signals them that they have finally run out of time.</p><p> </p><p>“You gotta be kidding me!” Nanaba blurts out, her fists shaking in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>When they ask him what the word is, Oluo tells them it’s ‘lingerie.’ There is still blood dribbling down his chin. </p><p> </p><p>Petra scratches her head. "How did that even come close?"</p><p> </p><p>Connie picks up a piece of paper from the small canister and starts acting out the word written in it. He keeps on prancing and holding out his arms like he has wings. </p><p> </p><p>"Something that flies? A plane?” Mikasa is picking her lips with her fingers. “Oh, wait. Not a thing. Someone?"</p><p> </p><p>"Superman? Batman?"</p><p> </p><p>Sasha’s eyes are determined. "Giraffe!"</p><p> </p><p>The seniors snicker at the randomness of her answer. </p><p> </p><p>"Giraffe?” Jean raises an eyebrow. “Really?"</p><p> </p><p>"Why not?" Sasha shoots back, offended.</p><p> </p><p>"Next time let me know if they can swim too."</p><p> </p><p>They keep making hilarious answers (fairies, Wonderwoman, volleyball players), none of them hitting it right. The time runs out. Turns out the word was ‘Satan.’</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” Connie grabs the piece of paper and squints at it. “That’s not what I’ve been acting out! I thought it was Santa.” </p><p> </p><p>“Are you dyslexic or what?” Jean calls out to him. Connie then tackles him into the ground and Jean wrestles back with Sasha cheering them on. </p><p> </p><p>"Is it me or is the game getting wilder and wilder?" Erwin chuckles in amusement, tilting the beer in his hand. They all seem to be having fun playing charades while getting drunk.</p><p> </p><p>Except for Levi. </p><p> </p><p>“Tch, if I have known that I have to take care of your sorry asses from getting wasted, I should have just gone straight home.”</p><p> </p><p>Erwin arches a thick eyebrow. “We are literally 500 miles away from your apartment.”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant home, <em> home. </em> My town’s not that far away.”</p><p> </p><p>It's finally the seniors' turn. Nanaba has to keep herself from laughing out loud upon she reads the word. The rest of the seniors are intrigued, hoping to get a clue from her expression, but she doesn’t give them any. Finally, she composes herself and begins with the basic parts of the charade. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin starts with a few guesses. "Uh, a concept? No? An object?"</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba nods. She starts gripping an invisible stick with one hand. The juniors are quick to come up with creative ideas. So creative that their answers sound stupid. </p><p> </p><p>"A flagpole! Huh, what?"</p><p> </p><p>"Ehrm, an umbrella?" Erwin suggests again. "Wait, a fishing rod?"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, a punch! A mug! A revolution!"</p><p> </p><p>Gunther whacks the back of Oluo's head. "Which part of your mind are you getting those answers?"</p><p> </p><p>There's no acknowledgement from Nanaba who keeps on gripping said invisible stick, raising it even higher for everyone to see.</p><p> </p><p>Mike finally shouts, "A tree!"</p><p> </p><p>"How can she hold it like that if it's a fucking tree?"</p><p> </p><p>"I don't see you trying to guess, Levi."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay then,” he huffs, crossing his arms. “A twig."</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba shakes her head. Left with no choice, she starts licking the invisible grip, and that's when Hange blurts out, with full confidence: </p><p> </p><p>"A blowjob!"</p><p> </p><p>Everyone stops and stares at her for five seconds. The four juniors then burst out laughing, tears coming out of their eyes. Armin waves his phone, noting that time is up.</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba finally breaks her silence, "Hange, the word is 'popsicle.'"</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“What do you mean our reservation is gone?”</p><p> </p><p>“It means, it didn’t go through.”</p><p> </p><p>Erwin has just called the concierge at the hotel they were supposed to stay at for the night to confirm the directions, only to find out that he has not properly booked it the other day. He's been cursing nonstop, muttering that technology is supposed to be on their side. Petra has offered to let her fellow juniors ride back with her and her father, which leaves the Erwin, the freshman trio, and the seniors without a room for the night.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone has had too many drinks. Empty beer cartons lying around are enough proof, and Levi’s not sure if he’s more disgusted by the litter or by the fact that they just spent more than a hundred bucks on beer and liquor alone. </p><p> </p><p>“Well? Anyone got plans?” </p><p> </p><p>"We could camp inside the van? Or just sleep in a gas station's parking lot?"</p><p> </p><p>There's a lot of murmurs, most of them a no.</p><p> </p><p>Then Nanaba suddenly remembers something. “Levi…" She tugs the sleeve of his shirt, her words slurring from the drunken stupor. "Didn’t you say... you live close by…”</p><p> </p><p>It’s been an hour of this inside the van with everyone (except Hange who’s driving because she seems to be the least intoxicated among them, and by that, it means she's acting like herself) convincing him to let them stay the night at his house. And all they can muster from Levi is a solid “Absolutely fucking not.” </p><p> </p><p>"Why not? Your uncle should be able to understand."</p><p> </p><p>None of them will ever understand how his crazy gangster uncle can kick all of their asses in one go. But despite having explained this to them five, six (or was it seven?) times, his friends wouldn’t listen to him. To make things worse, heavy rain has started pelting down and the road has become a misty apparition in front of them. </p><p> </p><p>“Can’t you at least fucking keep the wheel straight for five seconds?” Levi rasps at their designated driver who’s been driving in zigzags for quite some time now. </p><p> </p><p>They miss their exit and now they have to make a detour to get back on the highway.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s raining and foggy. I can’t see anything!” Hange whines at Levi who’s riding shotgun and grumpily navigating the way for her. All of this because none of the other passengers are capable of doing anything useful to society as of the moment. Hange is squinting at the rearview mirror. "Jeez, there's this weirdo that's been following us for quite some time."</p><p> </p><p>They all crane their neck to see the unsuspecting vehicle behind them, eyes trying to see through the fog and the rain. </p><p> </p><p>When he makes a shape of the driver, Levi finally realizes something. "Oi, Four-Eyes, that's a cop."</p><p> </p><p>The sirens start blaring the moment he says this. Blue and white lights start flashing from behind them, sending them to a panic, and they can feel that very moment when Hange is tempted to floor the gas. </p><p> </p><p>"Hange, don’t even think about it!” Erwin, being the smart guy, calls out to her. “We are not doing a wild-goose chase in the rain."</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, she eventually does pull over the emergency lane. While waiting for the police car to follow suit, the entire temperature inside the van seems to have dropped a few degrees lower. </p><p> </p><p>"What happens if they arrest me?” Hange is now wringing her hands in apprehension. “I didn’t do anything wrong!"</p><p> </p><p>Levi bites his lower lip. He has thought of this. Hange will have to spend a night in a cell until they can bail her out in the morning. Or until they all have enough cash combined, however long that may take.</p><p> </p><p>And then he remembers they’re still mad at each other. "Well, just take one for the team."</p><p> </p><p>"Why you little—"</p><p> </p><p>"Excuse me, Miss." The officer taps on the window. She rolls it down. “We noticed that your van seems suspicious. We’d just like to check if you’ve been under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?”</p><p> </p><p>"Uhm, Officer, why did you decide to pull us over?"</p><p> </p><p>"You were driving 25 at 60."</p><p> </p><p>“Is that worse than driving 95 at 60?” Frowning, Hange turns around and faces everyone in the back seat, whispering, “Hey, guys, they think I’m drugged or drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t be surprised if either of that is true,” Erwin says. He’s scrunched up in between his other two other blonde friends. “Mike, go take a sniff of her.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t, my nose is stuffed.” Mike takes a long wheezing whiff and exhales through his mouth. Nanaba is conked out on his lap, snoring loudly. He’s texting his mother about the symptoms so she can give him some remedies. And then out of nowhere, he blurts out. “Is the S or the C silent in scent?” </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?" Levi hisses. "Are you high?”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I were.”</p><p> </p><p>The cop taps the window once again. “Is everything alright here?”</p><p> </p><p>Hange finally steps out of the van nervously. They’re pulled over on the side of the highway, other vehicles passing them by and drivers looking at them suspiciously as if wondering what they have done wrong. </p><p> </p><p>It takes another few seconds for the cop to return to her. "You may have to blow this."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh." Hange looks down at the officer’s pants and Levi catches her gaze. “I’m not sure—”</p><p> </p><p>"He meant the Breathalyzer, dipshit." </p><p> </p><p>But the cop has heard their conversation. “If you’re not comfortable doing that, we can always do a different test.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange is all the more confused but doesn’t ask questions, probably because she’s both tired and nervous, and she’s had enough yapping from Levi. The cop then asks her to walk in a straight line, one foot after another, and then turn around and head back to her starting point. Her friends are all watching, and Mike almost lets out a high-pitch yell when Hange lands on her butt from all her lopsided walking. The cop is now suspicious. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, she just doesn’t have a sense of balance,” Levi comes to Hange’s defense with a backhanded insult. “Her brain is probably just so big that her body weight can’t handle it.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t see your brain making up for your lack of height,” Hange snarls.</p><p> </p><p>They have another round of glares at each other, this time with the cop in between them. Finally, the cop lets Hange blow the Breathalyzer, explaining how it works and what happens if ever she does fail. Hange’s teeth are chattering by now. Levi doesn’t do anything except watch her twiddle at the hem of her shirt with her fingers as the cop administers the Breathalyzer test on her. </p><p> </p><p>“God, I hope she passes,” Levi mutters with bated breath. He has never been this nervous for another person before, partly because, well, their lives depended on her.</p><p> </p><p>“If I took that test, I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail,” Erwin sighs. “My head is still spinning right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about you, Mike?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uhm, it’s a no-go. My driver’s license has expired.”</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba wakes up, her long limbs stretching in the middle row, accidentally hitting her boyfriend. “What’s up? What did I miss?”</p><p> </p><p>“And I suppose none of you three are able to drive?” Levi cranks his neck towards Mikasa, Eren, and Armin who all nod in unison. Levi rolls his eyes. “Fuck it. So much for a vacation trip.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange hands the Breathalyzer back to the cop who checks the reading. It seems like forever before he finally lets them off.</p><p> </p><p>"Hah! I told you I'm not drunk!" Hange exclaims when she hops back into the driver’s seat. </p><p> </p><p>"Hard to believe.”</p><p> </p><p>The cop drives away and leaves them in peace. However, they still have one more problem for the night. Crickets are now chirping in the background.</p><p> </p><p>“Levi, none of us is sober enough to continue driving,” Nanaba tells him, already desperate, and still nursing her hangover. “Please, please… just ask your uncle if we could stay for the night.”</p><p> </p><p>They’re all looking at him with pleading eyes and finally, he sighs. “Fine, if that’s how you want to die.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Levi is hoping to all the gods above that Kenny doesn’t shoot him the moment he steps foot inside the house. It’s partially his, anyway. Kenny and Levi's mother Kuchel inherited the house from their grandfather when he passed away. But his mother is currently working overseas so Levi unfortunately has to share the house with his shitty uncle during the holiday break. He’s been planning to spend Thanksgiving alone in his college apartment, which is why his crazy uncle wasn’t expecting him at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Son of a gun,” Kenny almost trips when he sees a van right parked right in front of the house. He has been out smoking by the tool shed and doing whatever unscrupulous thing he has in mind. “Whaddya want, shorty?”</p><p> </p><p>His nephew is standing by the porch, arms folded, with a tall, muscular, and thinly-bearded guy posing as his bodyguard. Little does Kenny know, Mike is already shit-scared of him.</p><p> </p><p>“We just need a place to stay for the night,” Levi explains, pointing his thumb towards his friends inside the van.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny throws his cigarette into the ground and steps on it. “What do you think this is?” He asks, twisting his foot to snuff the light out. “A charity inn?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi turns to look at his friends. It's hot out but he can see them getting chilled to the bone. “More like a crime lord's den to me.”</p><p> </p><p>"That’s easy, I can arrange that for you."</p><p> </p><p>Walking sideways, Mike whispers to Levi, “...We can still camp inside the van.” The last thing he wants to end up chopped into pieces and left for dead in the woods. </p><p> </p><p>But Levi is determined to convince his uncle. Well, mostly because he has no other choice. It’s hard being homeless with a group of idiotic friends on a chilly night. "We won't make a mess, I promise."</p><p> </p><p>“Hard to believe. You’re a mess on your own, kiddo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, we’ll behave.” Levi has never used the word 'please,' as far as everyone knows, and that's how his uncle can tell that they're drop dead desperate. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny’s eyes narrow as if thinking deeply. He seems hesitant to shoo them away. “One night only. You hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely,” Levi confirms. He then signals to his friends that they are good to stay. </p><p> </p><p>As Hange attempts to parallel park the van, she accidentally revs back into Kenny’s pickup truck. They hear a long screech of metal scraping against metal in the dark of the night, plus Hange’s defense that goes something like, “Hah, I’m still not drunk!”</p><p> </p><p>Everyone grits their teeth as Kenny retorts, “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi slams his palms into his face. It’s going to be a long, long night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Would you believe that I finished writing this chapter with three glasses of wine? If it does show, my apologies. (Or should I say, you're welcome?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. In and Out of the Woods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang has to survive one night at Kenny Ackerman's humble abode in the middle of nowhere.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crossing the boundaries of Kenny’s turf is really just entering a house.</p><p> </p><p>A haunted house. </p><p> </p><p>Which should be normal, so to say. Nothing to worry about. Really. Except for the fact that they’re in the middle of nowhere, just trees surrounding them for miles. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny could chop them all up limb per limb if he wanted to, put all their body parts in separate plastic bags, bury their bits and pieces in the backyard, and life for everyone else would still go on as they know it. </p><p> </p><p>Levi thinks this is totally a big mistake on his part. He should never have agreed to this. But they’re all past that now. All the gang has to do is last one night at Kenny Ackerman’s humble abode, make it alive until early morning, and then they’re ready to bolt out of the door, forget about the rest of their vacation plans, and never talk about this. Ever again.</p><p> </p><p>It’s dark inside the small cottage, the wooden floor creaking in every step they take. The eerie wind outside doesn’t help at all; the sound reminds them of a wailing ghost, followed by the tic-toc-tic-toc of the old grandfather’s clock.</p><p> </p><p>Somebody yelps when Kenny shuts the door behind the entire group, sending a heart attack to each of them. The old man snickers in the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Armin whimpers, “This reminds me of The Conjuring.”</p><p> </p><p>Mikasa adds, “Or an insurance commercial.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t do this.” Mike is trembling, teeth chattering. “Nanaba dared me to see Insidious before, and it was the worst two hours of my life."</p><p> </p><p>"What happened?" Hange was curious. "Were you able to understand the flaw in demonology?"</p><p> </p><p>"Are you kidding me?” The look in Mike’s face is incredulous. “I had to watch the movie in between my fingers.” </p><p> </p><p>The floor creaks once again and Mike is now holding up both hands in front of his face.</p><p> </p><p>“For fuck’s sake,” Levi says, exasperated. “This place isn’t haunted.”</p><p> </p><p>He runs his hands through the wall to find the switch. The lights flood into the open space where they can see their surroundings clearly, and they all wish they could get swallowed back up by the darkness once more. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” Nanaba exclaims, “We are so gonna die.”</p><p> </p><p>All of Levi's friends gasp so hard their lungs have run out of air.</p><p> </p><p>There’s dust everywhere inside the house, ranging from the small dingy sofa to the old-fashioned TV set in the living room. They may have heard a rat scurrying in the corner or so, but they can let that go. The house is mostly empty since Kenny doesn’t really have a lot of belongings. </p><p> </p><p>But on the farthest side of the room is a huge cabinet with the most uncanny collection of items: throwing knives, daggers, crossbows, several hatchets and a machete, plus a huge saw, and of course, a multitude of guns and rifles. </p><p> </p><p>It’s Kenny’s arsenal.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin breaks the silence. “What the hell. This house is a torture chamber.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, this?” Kenny gestures to the weaponry after he’s done hauling in some of their stuff from the van. “It’s my sporting gear.” And then he realizes he owes the kids an explanation, the way their mouths are hanging open. “Was in the military, so hunting became my pastime.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even the flamethrower?” Mike shakingly points a finger towards the huge contraption hanging on the wall. He’s terribly horrified at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“For firefighting,” the old man elaborates with a proud smirk, “Keeps the damage in wildfires minimal.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh cool!” Hange beams at the recently-discovered information. “I didn’t know you could do that. Can you teach me how to wield a flamethrower when you get the chance?”</p><p> </p><p>Hange's statement stupefies him. Kenny wrinkles his nose at the unexpected enthusiasm from this visitor of his. He honestly doesn’t know how to respond to that, but maybe he can teach her a few tricks here and there.</p><p> </p><p>“How the fuck did this place end up to be so disgusting?” Levi can’t help but lash out at his uncle. “I cleaned this all up before and now it’s back to being a shithole.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oi, shortstack, don’t blame it all on me,” he says, grinning. It pleases Kenny to see his own nephew so agitated over dirt. “The last time you were here was six months ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi can no longer hold off his contempt. “And you didn’t even bother calling for a housecleaner?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would I?” Kenny scratches his head, as if calling for a housecleaner wasn’t the most obvious plan of action. And then he snaps his fingers when an idea sparks up his mind. “Well, now that you’re all here, you guys might as well help clean. In return for the free food and lodging, you know.” </p><p> </p><p>Kenny kicks open the door to the broom closet and shoves a mop and a broom into Mike’s and Nanaba’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>They all look at each other, stammering at the audacity of Levi's uncle to turn them into househelpers. It’s either this or being left-for-dead in the woods.</p><p> </p><p>“This is slavery,” Eren mutters, as he grabs the feather duster. </p><p> </p><p>There’s no use protesting. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The house isn't really that bad, so to say. Sure, it's old, but it's where Levi spent most of his childhood. Kenny volunteered to give his friends a tour around the area, but none of them would budge. From the windows, they can see that there's a small lake right behind the cottage, the moon glowing on its surface. A dock also leads to a small pontoon boat that they assume to be Kenny's.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody wants to think how many bodies Kenny might have dumped in its waters before. He seems to be the type who would have done so.</p><p> </p><p>"By the way, uhm, where's your mom, Levi?" Erwin asks him while they're cleaning the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>"She's abroad for now."</p><p> </p><p>Being an overseas worker, Kuchel Ackerman only comes home during Christmas. Most of her stuff is still in her bedroom, but Levi has kept everything in order as if she hasn’t left. Mike and Nanaba had wandered around the second floor where they found photos of Levi in his childhood years together with his mother. </p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, Levi,” Nanaba calls out to him, her eyes switching between Levi and the picture frame. He's a spitting image of Kuchel. “I now believe that copy-paste works in real life.”</p><p> </p><p>Mikasa recognizes the woman in the photos. “Oh, that’s my dad’s cousin. I’ve seen her in some old family albums.”</p><p> </p><p>“Eh? You’re that brat that Kuchel was talking about?” Kenny raises an eyebrow as he leans on the broom. They all jump out and crane their necks towards him hesitantly, afraid that the old man would do something scary. But instead, Kenny just continues his story, “That sister of mine mentioned to me that one of our cousins’ kids had just entered the same university where this shortstack goes. Did he even tell you that we’re all related?” </p><p> </p><p>He ruffles the top of Levi’s hair only for Levi to slap Kenny’s hand out of the way. </p><p> </p><p>“Beats me, we hardly know each other,” Mikasa huffs as she incessantly scrubs all the grime off the wall. </p><p> </p><p>“Treat Levi as an older brother, then. He's grumpy and high-strung. He'd be perfect,” Kenny suggests, before heading downstairs. “And then you can let me be the cool uncle who smokes in a shack.”</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, Mikasa is hesitant. “Thanks, um, I’ll try.”</p><p> </p><p>The girl doesn’t tell Kenny that she wants nothing to do with either of them.</p><p> </p><p>It took them an entire two hours to polish every nook and cranny of this supposedly small shelter. Once they’re done cleaning the house and dragging their sleeping bags upstairs, Levi reluctantly shows them his old room out of Nanaba and Mike’s incessant whining. It’s the last one on the farthest end down the hall. There are more photos of him on the walls; Levi tried to take them down several times before, only for Kenny to glue them back permanently to spite his nephew. In the middle of the room is the bed, big enough for only one person to sleep in. </p><p> </p><p>To his surprise, they all start unpacking their stuff, opting to fit everything in the available space. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck? We all can’t fit here. There’s like,” Levi scowls, counting his friends with his fingers, “...eight of us. Somebody has to sleep elsewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“No can do.” Nanaba is adamant. </p><p> </p><p>“Please, Levi?" Mike is wringing his hands. "Your bedroom floor will be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a pull-out couch downstairs.” </p><p> </p><p>They all shake their heads in protest.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently, nobody wants to call dibs on the sofa in the living room for reasons they all know: Kenny might walk in on them with a knife and then they'll never live to see another day. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin proposes a modest solution. “Okay, how about this: we can sacrifice the freshmen to your uncle and then the rest of us can lock ourselves in your room.”</p><p> </p><p>“Us? Why us?” There’s a knot forming on Mikasa’s forehead. “I thought you seniors are supposed to take care of us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Who said that?” Mike frowns.</p><p> </p><p>Armin points at them. “Uh, you guys did?”</p><p> </p><p>The freshman can hardly believe that the upperclassmen are turning their backs on them.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, in this situation, to each his own,” Erwin says. “No offense, but it’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make.”</p><p> </p><p>Armin and Eren have to hold Mikasa back from strangling their club moderator. </p><p> </p><p>The entire bickering goes on for another five minutes or so, and no one wants to offer themselves up as the sacrificial lamb. Upon Mike’s suggestion, they have resorted to playing rock-paper-scissors to see who the unfortunate person will be sleeping on the couch tonight. </p><p> </p><p>As karma puts it, the losing end turns out to be Erwin. </p><p> </p><p>"You guys owe me one," the tall blond man says, trying to be dignified as he packs up his stuff once more.</p><p> </p><p>They're heading back down to the living room when they all freeze in the middle of the staircase. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny is whetting the blade of his knife with another knife. They can’t see him from where they are, but his looming figure is casting a shadow against the wall. Mike is ready to faint at every <em> shiiiink </em> that the sound of blades are making. The TV is on and even though they can’t see that as well, they can hear the bone-chilling shrieks from The Chainsaw Massacre, all the cries and the whimpers echoing inside the house.</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba is the first to remember how to breathe. “Alright that’s it, when I say run, we all run.” </p><p> </p><p>“You all look stupid, you know that?” Levi scowls. As much he also dislikes his own uncle, he is so not buying into this kind of stupidity.</p><p> </p><p>But Nanaba is already tiptoeing down the stairs, with the others following right behind her. Unfortunately, the staircase creaks all the more with their entire weight combined. “I am not going to last another minute in this household,” she says.</p><p> </p><p>They all do look like the gang from Scooby-Doo walking sideways and feeling the wall right beside them as they take one step at a time. And Levi is just watching them from the top of the staircase. He doesn’t know how he ended up with a bunch of idiots for his friends. From afar, he can still hear all of them whispering at each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop pushing me.”</p><p> </p><p>“That wasn’t me, asshole.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange raises an eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one who suggested this, Nana?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did, but I never thought that—”</p><p> </p><p>There's a loud sound of Nanaba falling onto the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba has just bumped right into Kenny who’s holding a cleaver up high, its edge glinting against the dim light. Blood is dripping from it all the way down to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>The Ackerman household has never heard of such a shrill ringing in the air: Mike, Erwin, Nanaba, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and Hange… </p><p> </p><p>They’re all screaming at the top of their lungs, together with a cacophony of all the curse words they’ve ever known.</p><p> </p><p>The entire sight has sent shivers down their spine.</p><p> </p><p>Levi’s friends are crouching on the floor, all of them huddled together. Their whimpers are blending in with the audio from The Chainsaw Massacre playing on the TV.</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t kill us!” </p><p> </p><p>“We’re not going to tell the police!”</p><p> </p><p>Mike is now bawling his eyes out. “We’ll do everything you say, we promise! Just don’t chop us into pieces!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ow, pipe down, will you?” Kenny puts a finger in his ear to clean it. He puts down his cleaver. “What are you all yapping at?”</p><p> </p><p>They’re all shivering and cowering from fright, while Levi comes down the stairs to confront his uncle, his eyes glinting with fury.</p><p> </p><p>“Kenny! Why the hell are you holding a bloody cleaver?”</p><p> </p><p>“Heh? This?” Kenny scratches the back of his head, looking at the bloody blade. "I was skinning a wild turkey for dinner. Hunted one this afternoon. Had to wrangle its neck, you know, and then all those feathers, jeez, what a mess, but at least now that’s done…”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait a minute. Did you just say… dinner?” Levi is astonished.</p><p> </p><p>At that moment, all their stomachs rumble simultaneously. It's been hours since they had their last meal. They don’t notice Kenny already heading back to the kitchen as he grabs some ingredients from the cupboard pantry. He’s chopping the meat and vegetables in a very precise manner, like he's a chef extraordinaire.</p><p> </p><p>Now that they’re closer in plain view, they could inhale the wonderful smell of Kenny’s cooking: all the butter and fresh herbs, the boiled potatoes, the roasted green beans, the delectable homemade gravy from turkey drippings… my, oh, my.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a small Thanksgiving feast.</p><p> </p><p>Reluctantly, they all take their seats at the small dining table, embarrassed at the way they acted a while ago.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny then sets the table for them, carefully putting the plates and utensils in a formal dinner setting. "You guys must be starving."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, uhm, thanks,” Mike says, straightening out the table napkin in his hands. “We just didn't expect the hospitality."</p><p> </p><p>Nobody has been expecting this. Nobody.</p><p> </p><p>"What do you think I am, some run-off-the-mill sleazebag?” Kenny pretends to be offended. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone else looks away in order to avoid the question.</p><p> </p><p>"Something like that," Eren says. Armin nudges him by the rib, but Kenny has already heard it.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, huh.” The old man grins as he continues cooking. “Not all Ackermans are created equal.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange lets out a loud snort. “Yeah, some are shorter than others.” The sarcasm is dripping in her tone. </p><p> </p><p>Levi, in a spur of a moment, stomps his shoe on her from beneath the table. He’s no longer letting Hange get away with all her backhanded insults at him. </p><p> </p><p>Hange mouths an inaudible ‘ow’ and stomps her foot back on his, to which he retaliates with another shoe stomping. Levi doesn't even know why he's mad in the first place anymore. All he knows is that he’s not going to lose to her. Hange manages to avoid his foot just by a split-second, but she aims harder with a kick to his shin. </p><p> </p><p>The <em> thump thump thump </em> goes on for a few more times, until Mike has finally lost his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you please just make up with each other now?” Their friend is now pissed off. </p><p> </p><p>But proud as they both are, the two idiots roll their eyes at the same time before looking away from each other.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin, trying to be the goody two-shoe mediator, intervenes. “We’re on vacation here. How are you two still avoiding one another? This is the longest I’ve ever seen the two of you this far apart.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a sigh that escapes Hange. The tired, I-want-to-get-over-this kind of sigh. Something tells me he probably shouldn’t be so stuck-up about this. Levi tries to catch a glimpse of her expression, but when he sees Hange’s frown turning into a deadly gaze at him, he finds the urge to match it with such intensity once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Dinner is served!” Kenny announces while holding the entire plate of turkey with roasted vegetables on the side. The rest of the gang cannot help but salivate at the food before them. They’ve never had a feast together before. The freshmen are the first to dig in, followed by the seniors, all of them scooping several spoonfuls into their plates.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my gosh, this is good, really, really good,” Armin exclaims at Kenny who’s sitting at the head of the table, proud of himself. The younger man speaks again, “I’ve never had anything like this before. Thank you for the meal.”</p><p> </p><p>Nobody talks for a while as they indulge themselves with all the turkey. The others are already getting a second round, having already forgotten all their worries just a few minutes back. However, Levi and Hange continue their death-staring at each other while the rest are eating. </p><p> </p><p>From the way Hange’s giving him the deadly stare, he can already imagine a scene where Hange is oh-so ready to tackle him to the ground as if they’re in a wrestling match, with Mike and Nanaba making bets, Erwin frowning, the freshmen trio worried, while Kenny's in the background offering them knives.</p><p> </p><p>This is not going to work. Not with all this unnecessary distraction right now. It's now Levi's turn to deeply sigh.</p><p> </p><p>But Kenny catches it and chuckles. "Well, this is new. Usually it's me and you doing the death-staring contest. What did you do this time, shorty?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi lazily points his fork at Hange. “She started it.”</p><p> </p><p>“M-me?” Hange stammers, almost choking on her potato. “Excuse me? What in the world did I even do wrong to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi is pushing the potato absentmindedly on his plate. This is his pride talking. Something sinks deep inside him. He grits his teeth, unable to think of a comeback.</p><p> </p><p>"I will apologize on behalf of my nephew," Kenny starts. "Sometimes he's just too proud to admit that he cares. His huge ego is compensating for his height. Isn’t that right?”</p><p> </p><p>All his friends nod in agreement, slowly.</p><p> </p><p>There is no winning here. Levi puts down his fork on the plate and huffs. He scans the room once more, feeling the tension, and starts, "I guess, there are some times... when I tend to be, uh… a little bit grouchy."</p><p> </p><p>"You guess?"</p><p> </p><p>"Some times?"</p><p> </p><p>"A little bit?"</p><p> </p><p>Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin have chimed in unison. </p><p> </p><p>He shoots his three blond friends a dirty look. "Oi, I'm trying to make an apology here."</p><p> </p><p>Across the table, Hange is just sitting, her arms folded in front of her chest. "Well? Go on." </p><p> </p><p>Needless to say, she is still not impressed. </p><p> </p><p>Why can't he just let it go? What is he so desperately trying to prove? Is he even holding onto something? Or is he just afraid of letting go and taking a big leap of faith? Will Hange even forgive him? Can they still be friends? All these thoughts come crashing down his brain.</p><p> </p><p>Levi starts again. "I just, I can't… I don't… shit, you are so… and I'm, fuck, where do I begin…"</p><p> </p><p>Hange is dumbfounded.</p><p> </p><p>"Is he even speaking in English?" Mike asks.</p><p> </p><p>His friends' faces are all contorted in confusion. It's hard to make an apology speech when everyone else is listening intently to what he has to say.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Kenny cuts him some slack. “Don't be too hard on yourself, brat. Just breathe for now. Allow some room for mistakes.”</p><p> </p><p>His uncle then stands up with his empty plate. The rest of them follow, including Hange, leaving Levi alone at the dinner table.</p><p> </p><p>“More like, they were unavoidable,” he says to himself.</p><p> </p><p>They help with the clean up once more, the silence and the distance once again in between him and Hange. If only he can gather up the courage to talk to her alone and tell him how he really feels, then maybe he could finally clear up the damn mess in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Just remember, you’re an Ackerman.” Kenny taps his shoulder, as if he can read his nephew's apprehensions. “You’ll figure it out eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>"Easy for you to say," he mutters. </p><p> </p><p>His uncle doesn't know what it's like to be in love with someone who wants to strangle his neck right now.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Anyone up for a swim? The lake should be pretty warm to dip your toes in."</p><p> </p><p>Levi arches an eyebrow at his uncle’s unexpected offer. They’re all sitting by the living room, their stomachs bloated and fully-stuffed. The Chainsaw Massacre is coming to an end. Mike and Nanaba are covering their faces with throw pillows, Erwin is sitting upright and already snoring on the farthest end of the couch, while Hange is sitting on the armchair, deeply engrossed in the movie. He doesn’t know where the freshmen are, but the brats are probably asleep in his room upstairs by the looks of it. They're also pretty much ready to snooze for the night since they still have to get up so early in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>However, his friends think the night is still young.</p><p> </p><p>“I could go for a swim,” Mike says, and Nanaba agrees with him. “Should be nice to relax after a long day.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny flashes a grin. “Great, let me just get you guys some towels then.” </p><p> </p><p>Levi rolls his eyes. His uncle is probably trying to pull a prank on them later on, and he’s not falling for it. “Fuck this, whatever, I still have to get the rest of my stuff from the van.” </p><p> </p><p>He gets up and steps out into the clearing, the full moon glowing brightly high up in the dark sky. This is pretty much his home, small and quiet as it can be. He misses his mother, though, and hopes she's alright wherever she is. It's hard trying to act like a fully-grown adult when he himself is still trying to figure out a lot of things on his own.</p><p> </p><p>His ruminations are interrupted when he overhears two people talking behind the van. Inching slowly, he cranes his neck to see Mikasa and Eren facing each other, heavily-blushing. </p><p> </p><p>"Mikasa…” Eren says, holding her hand. “I don't want to wait anymore. I'm ready if you are. I want to live far away from everyone and just be with you. And then from there, we can build our relationship together."</p><p> </p><p>“What about your family? Your studies?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve saved enough to get us our own apartment. I should also be able to find a job that feeds both of us.”</p><p> </p><p>But Mikasa only looks down at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>"We just can’t… rush these things, Eren." The tone in Mikada's voice is concerned but also affectionate. “You’re very important to me.”</p><p> </p><p>"Then what am I to you, Mikasa?"</p><p> </p><p>Levi has to inhale sharply. The two brats are confessing to each other. </p><p> </p><p>And it sounds like a melodramatic soap opera. </p><p> </p><p>He presses his ear against the cool metal of the van, eager to hear more. </p><p> </p><p>"You're, uhm, someone I… oh my gosh, my family, uh, they were, we…" Mikasa is also stammering, trying to find the right words to say. </p><p> </p><p>Ackermans are really bad at revealing their feelings, Levi thinks. </p><p> </p><p>Eren sighs into the clear air, and leans against the back door. The vehicle creaks. "Sometimes, you're just as bad as that midget senior," he says. </p><p> </p><p>Levi wrinkles his nose. How did he even get involved in their discussion? And he's not <em> that </em>bad with words, is he?</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Mikasa ends the conversation. "I… I need more time. Sorry." </p><p> </p><p>And then she heads back to the cottage. Levi has to duck so the girl wouldn't see him, but he's already short to begin with, anyway. Who knows what she'd do if she found out that he has been eavesdropping on them this whole time. Levi has had half an inkling to just get inside the house as well, but something in him wants to have a heart-to-heart talk with the boy who is now kicking the rocks on the dirty road, the frustration evident in his cussing. </p><p> </p><p>"Shit. Shit." Eren gnashes his teeth.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, that was a shitty confession. Planning to elope, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>Eren turns around. "Boss!" The freshman keeps forgetting that Levi's height is so short he can just pop out of anywhere, like daisies. “You heard everything?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sort of, yeah. Including that comment about me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Sorry about that,” Eren apologizes. “But you’re also really bad with confessions.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi also leans against the van right beside Eren. They’re looking at the misty skies above them, the moon now disappearing behind the clouds. Maybe he just needs to know that he’s not the only awkward person when it comes to these kinds of things. </p><p> </p><p>"Have you always liked her?"</p><p> </p><p>"Mikasa?" Eren asks, but he knows there's no one else that Levi's talking about. "She… she's been a good friend of mine. Our families know each other. They think we'd make quite a pair. Really. But I'm a shitty person, and Mikasa's so pretty, so perfect, so smart… And I think she deserves better."</p><p> </p><p>Levi clicks his tongue. "What a martyr. Maybe you should go slow with her, though. I don’t think she’s the type to be rushed into a relationship, even though you’ve been friends for so long."</p><p> </p><p>“You think so?”</p><p> </p><p>He nods.</p><p> </p><p>The way Eren has described his crush kinda reminds Levi of Hange. All those wonderful things about her definitely outweigh her flaws. Eren continues rambling about Mikasa's amazing traits, and that's how Levi knows the boy's in love. Neither of them have ever expected to have this discussion with each other. Especially not in the woods like this.</p><p> </p><p>"Can I ask you something?" Eren cranes his neck towards the smaller guy. "Would you rather be friends forever with someone you like, or would you confess and risk your friendship just to hear their response?"</p><p> </p><p>Levi feels cornered. He doesn't have an answer to that. Hange appears in his mind, all the flashbacks of them being together making his heart flutter for a bit. Sure, she's been his friend through and through, and he's hopelessly in love with her, but he still doesn’t know what to do with his feelings. Sooner or later, he’ll have to make a decision. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess… we just have to let things be?"</p><p> </p><p>The freshman doesn't seem pleased with Levi's complacency.</p><p> </p><p>"Let's make a bet, then," Eren is now determined. "If I ask Mikasa out once again, and she agrees, would you confess to your best friend as well?"</p><p> </p><p>"Why would I do that? How am I—" </p><p> </p><p>The sound of a chainsaw starts whirring behind them, making Levi and Eren instantly jump up and turn around. "What the hell?" </p><p> </p><p>Kenny is cutting a huge log a few yards from them. "I need to chop some firewood. We're doing a campfire tonight!"</p><p> </p><p>The two boys look at each other, and then back at Kenny. "Wait, who asked you?"</p><p> </p><p>The revving echoes louder. Kenny continues slicing the log with the chainsaw. "Uhm, all your friends?" </p><p> </p><p>Levi furrows his eyebrows at his uncle, tries to scrutinize his expression to check if Kenny's fibbing, but it doesn't seem like he is. </p><p> </p><p>He runs to the back of the house, right where the lake is. Mike and Erwin are night-swimming in the calm waters, thoroughly enjoying themselves. Armin and Mikasa are sitting in flimsy beach chairs in front of an empty campfire, just small flashlights and lamps in their hands. They can hear nature around them, the owls hooting and crickets chirping.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, paradise.” Nanaba slumps in her beach chair and stares at the stars right above her while drinking a milkshake. She's in her swimsuit like Hange who's sitting right beside her. Both of them are still dry. "Who knew you have this hidden gem at your home, Levi. And your uncle, wow, he's so nice."</p><p> </p><p>Levi can hardly believe what he's hearing. Kenny getting complimented? He usually gets death threats. </p><p> </p><p>"Now all we need is some music," Erwin says, coming up to them dripping wet in his beach shorts.</p><p> </p><p>"I wanna hear you belt out a song, Levi,” Mike prods him before taking a loud slurp from Nanaba's milkshake. </p><p> </p><p>"Not gonna happen."</p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, Mike sings to lighten up the mood. "Turn around…"</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba joins him on that, continuing, “Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by…”</p><p> </p><p>Erwin's deep voice is booming. “Turn around... every now and then I get a little bit terrified—”</p><p> </p><p>“And then I see the look in your eyes—”</p><p> </p><p>“Turn around—”</p><p> </p><p>“Bright eyes,” Mike sings in a higher pitch. “Every now and then I fall—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up,” Levi says out loud, and the singing finally stops.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin then pulls out his phone and goes through his playlist. The moment the intro of Careless Whisper comes on, Erwin starts rolling his arms and moving his body like a macho dancer like he’s in a strip club. </p><p> </p><p>Levi's about to stop him when Hange speaks first. "Why do you have to be such a killjoy?" </p><p> </p><p>He can only groan. What was he supposed to say? That they don’t deserve to have fun like this while he and Hange are still mad at each other?</p><p> </p><p>Kenny then calls for Mike and Erwin to help him out in hauling in the rest of the firewood to which the two boys agree. Levi can hear his friends singing and laughing from a distance, their happiness unable to make him feel anything. He's still thinking about Eren's bet with him. Maybe he should really go for it. Once in a while he would turn to watch Hange from afar and they would lock eyes with each other for a split-second before averting their gazes once again.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Nana, wanna do the cannonball challenge with me?" Hange points to the lake dock where she wants to jump into the waters as a distraction. </p><p> </p><p>"Nah, thanks." </p><p> </p><p>"I'll make a bet that I can hold my breath underwater longer than you can," Hange says. </p><p> </p><p>Out of spite, Nanaba then agrees. The two of them head off to the end of the dock, arms swinging, ready to hurl themselves into the lake. "On 3, 2, 1…"</p><p> </p><p>There's a loud splash as they jump together, with Nanaba yelping and swimming immediately back to the lakeshore, the water too cold for her. Hange is still underwater, ready to win the bet. </p><p> </p><p>When Nanaba's already on land, she calls out to her friend who still hasn't resurfaced, "Gah, Hanj, I have no idea how you can do that—Hanj?"</p><p> </p><p>There's the sound of thrashing and then some yelping from Hange. It seems like a prank, but something in the air tells them it isn't. Another yelp echoes into the clearing followed by utter silence.</p><p> </p><p>And then Hange disappears into the dark lake once again.</p><p> </p><p>The waters remain unmoving.</p><p> </p><p>He gets up and runs straight to the dock, looking for ripples on the surface.</p><p> </p><p>"Hange!" he calls out. Nanaba repeats Hange's name as well.</p><p> </p><p>Only the echoes respond back. The air is stifling. The seconds tick by. Everything is still.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh no," Nanaba says.</p><p> </p><p>Levi doesn't think twice about it. He backs away for a few feet away from the edge of the dock and then launches himself into the lake, clothes and all. The water is indeed freezing despite Kenny's claims that it should be warm. Every nerve and fiber of his being seems to seize up. </p><p> </p><p>But he's not going to let Hange drown. </p><p> </p><p>He's hoping, praying hard that he makes it right on time as he gets closer to where Hange is. There’s just darkness everywhere so he has to rely on the dim moonlight for her shadow underwater. He then finds Hange, eyes closed and limbs immobile, her hair flowing around her. If this weren’t an emergency, he would have thought she was sleeping. Levi swims straight down to where she is and grabs hold of her waist, pulling her up to the surface, swimming, swimming, and then—</p><p> </p><p>Their heads are finally above water.</p><p> </p><p>His lungs are grateful for the air once more.</p><p> </p><p>He draws a sharp breath the moment he's able to, keeping Hange close to him. "Hange, say something."</p><p> </p><p>No response. As fast as his arms and legs could muster, Levi swims back to the shore with Hange in tow.</p><p> </p><p>"What the hell happened?" Kenny has now returned with Mike and Erwin, their arms full of logs.</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba answers, "I think… Hange may have gotten a cramp."</p><p> </p><p>The others are trying to register the current situation when Levi gets back on land with Hange in his arms, still unconscious. </p><p> </p><p>Mike then goes over to Hange and before Levi could react, Mike slaps her right on the face. Hard. “Hanj! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” he says, shaking her by the shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>Levi maneuvers her away from Mike, shielding her with his body. “Oi, stop it.”</p><p> </p><p>Nanaba then pulls her boyfriend away from them. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how you revive a person who just drowned.”</p><p> </p><p>The freshmen brats are now panicking and wailing which doesn't help at all: Armin is crying in his chair, while Mikasa is sobbing against Eren’s shirt. Now, Levi has to make some quick thinking. He then lays Hange down on the ground, the mud and dirt clinging to her pale skin.</p><p> </p><p>Going on his knees, Levi angles himself properly to give her a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, pinching Hange's nose shut while he breathes into her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Levi then listens for a pulse. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing. He does it again. Hange's lips are still cold. </p><p> </p><p>"Shit, don't die on me, Four-Eyes," he says as he pumps his hands against her chest, praying hard to the heavens above that he's doing this correctly. He doesn't know what else to do if it doesn't work. </p><p> </p><p>"Somebody call 911!"</p><p> </p><p>Before anyone else can do so, Hange starts sputtering the water out of her lungs like a fountain. Her eyes are red, and there's some snot coming out of her nose.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank fuck," he exhales.</p><p> </p><p>Hange's eyes are now fluttering open. "Levi…"</p><p> </p><p>"Four-Eyes, it's alright," Levi comforts her, pushing away the strands of hair that are clinging to her cheeks. "You're safe now."</p><p> </p><p>"Levi…" Hange is finally able to compose herself. "That was scary."</p><p> </p><p>She weakly yanks him down for a hug. Levi's surprised but relents to this. He misses her touch, anyway.</p><p> </p><p>"This is all your fault." Levi glares at his uncle. Hange is now sobbing against Levi, her face buried in his neck. “You were supposed to supervise all of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny only gives him a half-shrug. "You're welcome?"</p>
<hr/><p>And so they do end up having that campfire.</p><p> </p><p>Mikasa and Eren are sitting right beside each other, both of them looking down at their feet. Mike is silent, playing games on his phone, Nanaba is slurping her now-empty milkshake absentmindedly, while Erwin is close to dozing off once again. Hange and Levi have cleaned up since the mishap, the two of them now in plain tees and shorts, towels bunched around their shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>"So…" Armin breaks the awkward silence. "Does anyone want to say something? Anything?"</p><p> </p><p>"What, like a joke? Ooh, I've got one," Mike says, but Nanaba only stops him. </p><p> </p><p>"Mikasa?"</p><p> </p><p>"I, uhm, I don't have anything to say."</p><p> </p><p>"I do," Eren says, standing up. Mikasa looks at him just in time when he speaks, "Mikasa, the things that have happened tonight made me realize how short our lives are. No offense, Hange."</p><p> </p><p>Hange gives a weak thumbs up and chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>"She's not dead." Levi says, deadpan.</p><p> </p><p>Eren continues while looking at Mikasa, "Our friendship matters to me a lot, but I can't hide my feelings anymore, I just can't turn around and pretend nothing's changed…"</p><p> </p><p>Mikasa has started blushing at this point. "Eren," she says. "Ah, I'm always awkward when it comes to these things." She looks away and the seniors are all waiting with bated breath, as if waiting for some sort of motivations, some words of wisdom from all of them. </p><p> </p><p>“Go on, Mikasa,” Hange says, straightening herself up on her chair. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, whatever you choose, we’ll support you,” Nanaba adds.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I don’t know how to say this, but it’s just that… I still have to factor a lot of things.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, would you rather regret the rest of your life not being able to tell how you really feel? You’ve been friends for so long, I’m pretty sure you’re already comfortable being around him, and he should also be able to understand if you still have reservations,” Hange says to Mikasa. Hange then continues, “You just have to go for it, no-holds barred, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>As she says this, Hange's hand is on the young girl’s shoulder, but her eyes are looking straight at Levi. </p><p> </p><p>With those words of encouragement, Mikasa gathers up the courage to reveal her feelings, "I've always liked you, Eren.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” The boy jumps out of his chair, but Mikasa raises her hand to stop him.</p><p> </p><p>“But. I’m not ready to move in with you yet. It’s something that will have to wait.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind.” If Levi hadn't told him to take it slow, he would have considered this a rejection. But Eren’s eyes are now bright and bursting with affection. “So will you be my girlfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d love to.”</p><p> </p><p>There's a round of ‘awwwws’ from the rest of the gang as Eren pulls Mikasa in for a hug. He then kisses the top of her head. </p><p> </p><p>"Finally, a real confession," Hange murmurs loud enough for Levi to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Eren then looks at Levi, his eyes flitting over to Hange for a bit, enough for Levi to understand what he’s trying to signal to him. A deal’s a deal. Then the freshman clears his throat. "Wow, it's really been a great night. Maybe we should all head to bed, don't you think?"</p><p> </p><p>"I agree." Kenny smirks, finally standing up. He puts out the fire and starts folding up the seats. He then comes to Levi and Hange and puts a hand on each of their shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>They look up at him. "Huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"You've got one chance."</p><p> </p><p>And then Kenny leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Levi's wondering what that was all about. He’s probably going to allow the mosquitoes to eat him alive. It's past 1 am. The campfire has now dwindled to embers in front of them, fireflies now glowing in the dark. </p><p> </p><p>"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asks her.</p><p> </p><p>Hange cranes her neck at his standing figure behind her and then faces the dying campfire again. "After my near-death experience, I think my brain is wide awake right now."</p><p> </p><p>"I see."</p><p> </p><p>Hange is kicking the small rocks on the ground with her flip flops as if deeply-interested in them. "About that… Thanks for taking care of me a while ago, by the way. Never expected you to jump in and save me."</p><p> </p><p>"Did what I had to do."</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you something…” She looks at Levi. “How do you master the art of not giving a fuck?”</p><p> </p><p>The question has floored him. He supposed there’s really no sense being able to keep his grudge on her. Levi sighs and sits down beside her, arms on folded knees. “Simple, I list down the things I care about, and anything that’s not on my list means I don’t give a shit about.”</p><p> </p><p>“So… am I not part of that list?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi puts his hand on her knee. “You are, I just...” He sighs again. “I have no chance when it comes to these kinds of things. And that Moblit, he—”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, is somebody jealous?” Hange gives him a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>Levi doesn’t answer for a moment, instead turns his face away, his cheeks already red. “...I am.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange’s mouth drops open; she wasn’t expecting him to admit it. She then bites her lip and looks up at the moon-lit skies. “You’re emotionally-constipated, you know that?” she laughs softly.</p><p> </p><p>“And you’re totally ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>Hange weakly punches his ribs. “Levi, you should practice with your words. That’s the only way you can snag a date.”</p><p> </p><p>“Believe me, Hange, I’ve already tried. The words fail me all the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, practice with me then. Pretend I’m your type.”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffs. “That’s not too difficult.”</p><p> </p><p>She hits him on the arm with the back of her hand. He’s going to have a series of grave injuries by the end of the night. Hange then continues, “Hey, come on. What compliment would you tell me?”</p><p> </p><p>He looks up to think about the first thing he notices about her. Probably the sharp outline of her nose? Or the shape of her eyebrows? Her nice lashes? Maybe her lips? No, no, he can’t, not yet. Somehow he still ends up with the worst answer: “...That you have eyes the color of mud.”</p><p> </p><p>She kicks him lightly. “Try again.”</p><p> </p><p>This time he actually thinks it through. The flashbacks come by so fast: Hange’s contagious laughter, Hange’s smile that warms up his heart, her mere company in all his daily adventures, her words of wisdom. Levi then looks at her. “Your hair is disgusting whenever I touch it—”</p><p> </p><p>“But you still touch it.” She moves closer to him, their shoulders brushing against each other.</p><p> </p><p>“...You barely shower and I have to forcefully bathe you all the time when you’re running on coffee for three days straight.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you like it. Don’t you?” Her face is way too close to his. If he looks closely, he can see his reflection in her big brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He looks down at her lips. “I am 50% sure that what I’m saying is true.” </p><p> </p><p>Hange nods, an acknowledgement. </p><p> </p><p>And then he closes his eyes and goes in for a kiss. </p><p> </p><p>It’s actually a terrible kiss. Hange’s practically chewing his bottom lip, but not before their noses bump against each other, awkward as always. So Hange ends up laughing it out, but only presses her mouth harder against his. Finally, Levi’s eyes flutter open and then they pull away. </p><p> </p><p>"That was my first time," Hange breathes. Her cheeks are flustered in the dim light. </p><p> </p><p>"I could tell." Before she can even ask how, Levi explains, "Hange, you were supposed to close your eyes.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And there you go. </p><p>Not as comedic as the chapters before, but I hope you still like it? It's probably going to be another wild ride for the next part!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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